Ridiculous Spam

Soldato
Joined
31 May 2009
Posts
21,257
Whats the silliest spam email message you have received that has caught your eye. Usually when deleting spam I swiftly browse the names and topics in case anything has been autospammed.

Just received one from a

'Mr Ban Ki Moon' entitled 'Important Information from the United Nations'

Didn't open it, I think if its that important he'll probably give me a call.
It did make me smile.
 
Soldato
Joined
26 Feb 2007
Posts
14,107
Location
Leafy Cheshire
Suzanna Duke said:
Goodmorning to you.
I know that it may sound strange to receive an email from someone you do not know at all, but I am desperate to save my life and future that is the reason I took this bold step, made some research and got your contact. I have confidence that this is the right step toward the right direction.

My name is Ms Suzanna Duke I am from Ivory Coast a country in West Africa . My mother died of cancer just after my birth and I have been with my father who refuses to marry a second wife all through.

Most unfortunately for me, my father just died in a car accident on his way to one of his TIMBER exploitation sites. After the accident, he was recovered dead and the burial ceremony was done properly.

My main problem now is that my father’s relatives want me to marry their uncle in order to secure my family wealth. They said that if I marry to an outsider, our family wealth will be taken to another people and that they will not accept. They said it is their right to preserve their family wealth and lineage. I refused because it is ridiculous for them to compel me to marry an old man of about 61 years; a man old enough to be my father just to preserve the family wealth. Although I am a young girl of only 20 years old, I believe I have the right to choose my own husband for myself.. My refusal to their plan was seen as insult so they threatened to deal with me without pity. They said it is better that I do not live than to have the family wealth given to an outsider.

Last month, they sent some hired assassins to kill me in our family house but as God will have it, I manage to escape that death and I ran away from our family house to a place that I am hiding presently to secure my life. I will not return back to that house again else I would be dead. This issue is serious but my God is also with me and will surely avenge my enemies..

Fortunately for me, my father made a deposit of 8.5MILLION USD$ 8.500 000.00 with my name in a bank overseas in London, England-UK and that their family members are not aware of. During the deposit, my father had agreement with the bank that the money will not be given directly to me until I’m 26 years of age. Or if I wish to receive the money before my 26 years old, then, I must appoint a foreign guardian or investor overseas who shall stand in my stead and receive the money in his/her bank account. Considering that fact that I am only 20 now and the present situation with my relatives, I humbly request that you stand as my foreign guardian so that the bank will release and transfer the money to you. I will relocate to meet with you once the money is transferred to you so I can start a new life there.

Please come to my rescue immediately and God will reward you. I am ready to compensate you with 25% of the total amount and if you like, we can also go into investment partnership with my money.

I thank you for your time to read this mail and I wait to hear from you. May God richly bless you as you help me.
Thanks and best regards.
Email: suzannaduke_2007@****.com
Ms. Suzanna Duke.

Assassins, yo.
 
Soldato
Joined
12 Jul 2008
Posts
2,812
Location
North West
On Hotmail? Got the same message this morning.

You just inspired me to check my hotmail. I didn't get that message and felt slightly disappointed. :(

However, on the bright side my August 2010 psychic reading was in my junk mail folder. Didn't open it though as I already know what it says. :cool: :p
 
Associate
Joined
30 Aug 2008
Posts
1,508
Location
West Yorkshire
I like the basic style of this one, Government departments really need to put more effort in.

We have recheck your tax and noticed that you made a mistake about the amount paid.
You have to take back the sum of 392 pounds. To suppress this amount, please download
and complete the form.
We apologize for the error we made. If you do not complete all fields on the form correctly
you will not suppress the amount specified.

Sincerely and respectfully, HM Revenue & Customs Team.
 
Commissario
Joined
23 Nov 2004
Posts
41,851
Location
Herts
Dear*****

You know your penis isn't big enough, we know your penis isn't big enough, and worst of all, she knows your penis isn't big enough. Do something about it now!!
Quite how they know amazes me :eek:
 
Soldato
Joined
16 Nov 2003
Posts
9,682
Location
On the pale blue dot
I remember a mate of mine who got sick of those 'email to ten people and find out your secret lover' chain emails and wrote a rant reply to the sender, ending it 'send this to ten people or your pants will consume you'.

A couple of years later, the result of that chain rant found its way back into my inbox :eek:
 
Soldato
Joined
18 Oct 2002
Posts
3,213
Location
Chertsey, Surrey
This internal email made me chuckle a few weeks back on a rainy day


Person said:
Just wanted to extend a warm thank you to whoever decided my work trousers hanging in the shower room would make a good towel this morning. After riding in on my bike I don’t think I got quite wet enough but as comfortable as I am right now sitting here with damp legs I’d be grateful if you ask my permission first next time and I’ll gladly lend you an actual towel. I appreciate you’re in a rush to get downstairs and steal peoples food from the fridges but maybe tomorrow let’s just be a bit more careful?



Cheers everyone
 
Associate
Joined
25 Jan 2009
Posts
1,342
Location
London
I can't seem to find that email in my inbox now.. but anyways I remember being emailed by a "lawyer" saying that I have inherited millions from a distant relative who did not have any family and I was apparently his closest relative...

I already knew what would happen if I contacted back :o

He'd start asking details to send the money in along with all my other details to confirm that I am who he thinks I am...
 
Soldato
Joined
9 May 2005
Posts
4,524
Location
Nottingham
Finance Bank Plc.
4/6, Adetokunbo Ademola Street,
Victotoria Island , Lagos Nigeria.

Attn: Please,

I am Mr.Joseph Eze, payment officer in Finance Bank Plc, I was Instructed by one Barrister. James Mark, to pay you US$3.5Million as your compensation for your past effort.
We have two method of paying our International customers;
1) Certified international bank draft
2) ATM Swiftcard.
Send to me the following information for the processing and payment.
I. Your Full Name:
II. Address Nationality: (p.o box not acceptable)
III. Occupation :
IV. Phone Number:

Yours Faithfully,

Mr.Joseph Eze.
Director Foreign remittance Department.
 
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