One liners

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I don't want to interrupt her.

I haven't slept for three days because three days is far too long to sleep.

The first time I got myself a universal remote I thought "this changes everything".

Say what you want about deaf people...

I have spent the last four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer but no-one will do it.

I saw a sign which read "Watch for children" and I thought, "that's a fair swap".

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, it was only gathering dust.

I was at a cash point and an old lady asked me to help her check her balance, so I pushed her over.
 
Soldato
Joined
17 Aug 2009
Posts
17,787
Location
Finchley, London
Dalai Lama goes into a pizza shop and asks "can you make me one with everything?"

I went out with a girl called simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

A scarecrow has won the nobel prize since he was out standing in his field.
 
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