Worried about my brother and money

IvanDobskey · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:16

My brother has always been shockingly bad with his money. Getting into credit card dept and just generally frittering away what he earns. A few years back he split up with his girlfriend and could no longer afford the rent on his flat, so he moved back in with our parents. Now since then, rather than save any money, all he has done is spend every penny he earns on extravagant city breaks. He must go on about 10 a year.

Now all this would be fine if he was young and just getting it out of his system before settling down. But he turns 40 next year and has literally nothing to his name other than a beat up knackered old car.

Parents have tried talking to him, but he just says it's his money and he will spend it as he pleases. So generally my parents leave the subject alone as it causes friction. So he carries on sponging off them whilst blowing all his money.

Should I say something to him? Or is it none of my business?

Dis86 · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:19

Your parents should turf the scrote out. Time for him to grow up.

scorza · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:20

He's spending your inheritance - of course it's your business. Tell him it's time to grow up and become a man.

HEADRAT · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:20

Does he pay rent?

dirtybeatfreak · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:23

scorza said:
Tell him it's time to grow up and become a man.

This..

My wifes brother is exactly the same although he is in his late 20s. He should have it by now though imo

MatsyLR · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:24

Parents should kick him out and force him to accept reality.

IvanDobskey · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:26

HEADRAT said:
Does he pay rent?

He does make a contribution but I'm pretty sure it's not anywhere near the cost of renting a flat.

I know my parents have a job collecting the money though as he never has any as its always on tickets to his next city break destination.

benjii · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:27

If it were me, I'd have some choice words for him. He's taking advantage of your parent's good nature and acting like a child. I'd expect that kind of rationale from a 16 year old who doesn't want to sacrifice a good chunk of his pay check, from his first job, and give it to his parents as rent.

This may be a touchy subject, if it is, I apologise. Have you ever thought about his long term plans? What's going to happen to your parent's house when they pass? Could he be banking on staying in the house permanently after they pass?

IvanDobskey · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:29

Thing is I don't think he even has any long term plans.

He just lives for the moment.

He's addicted to city breaks at the moment.

benjii · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:32

Your parents have done the child raising thing. It's not fair that they should have to put up with a man child. You all need to have a sit down with him, figure our his finances and how long it'll take him to save a reasonable amount to move out. Then make sure he sticks to that time frame.

IvanDobskey · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:33

I'm sure my parents have had some blazing rows with him in the past over it. But now they don't want the agro so just let him get on with it. Normally if I mention it to them, they stick up for him and say it's his money.

But I text my mum the other day and she admitted he is a worry now.

bloodiedathame · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:33

IvanDobskey said:
Thing is I don't think he even has any long term plans.

He just lives for the moment.

He's addicted to city breaks at the moment.

Get him added to a no fly list. Report him as a suspected terrorist or something.

IvanDobskey · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:34

bloodiedathame said:
Get him added to a no fly list. Report him as a suspected terrorist or something.

Now that's an idea

=XDC=FluphyBunny · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:35

Up to your parents, they either continue to allow him to get away with it, or they give him an ultimatum and stick to it.

Honestly 40 years old and acting like that/taking advantage of your own parents is pathetic behaviour.

IvanDobskey · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:41

To be fair to him, he does work very hard and does long hours.

But he just fritters it on city breaks.

His attitude to me is that I'm lucky to have a well paid job. But the reality is I have only been reasonably well paid for the last 5 years and I have worked hard to own my house which I bought aged 29.

I'm now 43 and have almost paid it off.

HEADRAT · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:46

They need to shove him out of the nest, even if that means he has to rent a room in a shared house, your parent are enabling his behavior.

They should give him a reasonable timeline but let him know that staying at home in no longer an option.

Maybe he could rent a room in your houes <joke, don't do this!>

benjii · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:48

HEADRAT said:
They need to shove him out of the nest, even if that means he has to rent a room in a shared house, your parent are enabling his behavior.

They should give him a reasonable timeline but let him know that staying at home in no longer an option.

I completely agree.

IvanDobskey · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:49

HEADRAT said:
They need to shove him out of the nest, even if that means he has to rent a room in a shared house, your parent are enabling his behavior.

They should give him a reasonable timeline but let him know that staying at home in no longer an option.

Maybe he could rent a room in your houes <joke, don't do this!>

Yes, I agree with this. I may speak to my mum next time I'm over there.

Don't worry, no way I'd rent my spare room to him. I know how hard it is to get money off him.

I remember fixing his laptop for him which needed a new hard drive. I stupidly bought the hard drive with my own money. He paid me back a fiver every time I saw him. Took months to get all the money back!

NexusK · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:50

It's up to your parents to talk to him not you, if they aren't going to say anything then he's just going to ignore you. Sit them down and explain to them that it's ultimatum time and that it's for his own good as well as theirs, the aggro will be short lived.

Dugganator · 29 Sep 2016 at 10:54

Personally if it was my brother I would have been very direct about the subject with him and made it clear that he is taking the mick. Is he an older brother btw? Reason I ask is I'm the oldest in my family and wonder if that's the reason you haven't spoken to him? I have no issue giving advise or telling my family how something is but then again I moved out at 19 so find it crazy that your brother would be happy at 40 living at home but meh.

Sadly though if your parents allow him to treat them like this there isn't a lot you can do. Seen it before with my ex brother who was always borrowing money that never got paid back, going out to gigs, holiday and all weekend benders not paying a penny in rent living at home with parents doing everything for him. The problem there was the parents allowing it. My parents made me pay rent as soon as I had my first job at college and while I felt it was harsh the amount they made me pay it prepared me for the world at large and I moved out still buying my first flat by myself.. well my parents got me a microwave which I'm 90% sure floated out of a factory window

The long winded point I'm making is your parents aren't helping allowing him to live and act the way he is. But the real question is are they happy that he is doing that? If they are then there is little you can do. If they aren't then you need to be decent and have a chat with your brother about all of this. He might change his ideas if he can now be seen that he is taking the ****.