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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 19:35   #1
Hikari Kisugi
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 13,937
Talking Ridiculous Spam

Whats the silliest spam email message you have received that has caught your eye. Usually when deleting spam I swiftly browse the names and topics in case anything has been autospammed.

Just received one from a

'Mr Ban Ki Moon' entitled 'Important Information from the United Nations'

Didn't open it, I think if its that important he'll probably give me a call.
It did make me smile.

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 19:44   #2
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My favourite had the subject line:


There was no further content in the email.

I was scared.

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 19:50   #3
Joined: Mar 2004
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Originally Posted by Belmit View Post


you obviously bought some then

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 19:53   #4
Pawnless Endgame
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My sister used to pass on those emails with ASCII art from around year 2000. It was fairly routine/pyramid stuff, but some of the pictures were weird e.g. a totem.

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 19:54   #5
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Originally Posted by Belmit View Post
My favourite had the subject line:


There was no further content in the email.

I was scared.
Was that the follow-up email after you'd already bought some?

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 19:59   #6
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Manchestah
Posts: 11,991
Originally Posted by Suzanna Duke
Goodmorning to you.
I know that it may sound strange to receive an email from someone you do not know at all, but I am desperate to save my life and future that is the reason I took this bold step, made some research and got your contact. I have confidence that this is the right step toward the right direction.

My name is Ms Suzanna Duke I am from Ivory Coast a country in West Africa . My mother died of cancer just after my birth and I have been with my father who refuses to marry a second wife all through.

Most unfortunately for me, my father just died in a car accident on his way to one of his TIMBER exploitation sites. After the accident, he was recovered dead and the burial ceremony was done properly.

My main problem now is that my father’s relatives want me to marry their uncle in order to secure my family wealth. They said that if I marry to an outsider, our family wealth will be taken to another people and that they will not accept. They said it is their right to preserve their family wealth and lineage. I refused because it is ridiculous for them to compel me to marry an old man of about 61 years; a man old enough to be my father just to preserve the family wealth. Although I am a young girl of only 20 years old, I believe I have the right to choose my own husband for myself.. My refusal to their plan was seen as insult so they threatened to deal with me without pity. They said it is better that I do not live than to have the family wealth given to an outsider.

Last month, they sent some hired assassins to kill me in our family house but as God will have it, I manage to escape that death and I ran away from our family house to a place that I am hiding presently to secure my life. I will not return back to that house again else I would be dead. This issue is serious but my God is also with me and will surely avenge my enemies..

Fortunately for me, my father made a deposit of 8.5MILLION USD$ 8.500 000.00 with my name in a bank overseas in London, England-UK and that their family members are not aware of. During the deposit, my father had agreement with the bank that the money will not be given directly to me until I’m 26 years of age. Or if I wish to receive the money before my 26 years old, then, I must appoint a foreign guardian or investor overseas who shall stand in my stead and receive the money in his/her bank account. Considering that fact that I am only 20 now and the present situation with my relatives, I humbly request that you stand as my foreign guardian so that the bank will release and transfer the money to you. I will relocate to meet with you once the money is transferred to you so I can start a new life there.

Please come to my rescue immediately and God will reward you. I am ready to compensate you with 25% of the total amount and if you like, we can also go into investment partnership with my money.

I thank you for your time to read this mail and I wait to hear from you. May God richly bless you as you help me.
Thanks and best regards.
Email: suzannaduke_2007@****.com
Ms. Suzanna Duke.
Assassins, yo.

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 20:08   #7
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Originally Posted by challengedavid View Post
you obviously bought some then
Originally Posted by simulatorman View Post
Was that the follow-up email after you'd already bought some?
Frankly, I now can't move for Viagra. And not because I bought a lot.

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 20:09   #8
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Originally Posted by DampCat View Post
Originally Posted by suzanna duke
Most unfortunately for me, my father just died in a car accident on his way to one of his TIMBER exploitation sites. After the accident, he was recovered dead and the burial ceremony was done properly.
To hell with the fact that he's dead, just what in the name of all that is holy was he doing to those trees?

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 20:21   #9
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Originally Posted by Hikari Kisugi View Post

Just received one from a

'Mr Ban Ki Moon' entitled 'Important Information from the United Nations'
On Hotmail? Got the same message this morning.

Their new filtering technology sucks the nuts.

ScarySquirrel: "i stupidly slept with my sister in a dream once"
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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 20:30   #10
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Originally Posted by A.N.Other View Post
To hell with the fact that he's dead, just what in the name of all that is holy was he doing to those trees?
To hell with the trees, im just glad the burial ceremony was done properly.

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 21:15   #11
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Originally Posted by tibbsey View Post
On Hotmail? Got the same message this morning.
You just inspired me to check my hotmail. I didn't get that message and felt slightly disappointed.

However, on the bright side my August 2010 psychic reading was in my junk mail folder. Didn't open it though as I already know what it says.
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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 21:24   #12
Keyser Soze
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I like the basic style of this one, Government departments really need to put more effort in.

We have recheck your tax and noticed that you made a mistake about the amount paid.
You have to take back the sum of 392 pounds. To suppress this amount, please download
and complete the form.
We apologize for the error we made. If you do not complete all fields on the form correctly
you will not suppress the amount specified.

Sincerely and respectfully, HM Revenue & Customs Team.

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 22:03   #13
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Posts: 29,654

You know your penis isn't big enough, we know your penis isn't big enough, and worst of all, she knows your penis isn't big enough. Do something about it now!!
Quite how they know amazes me

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 22:21   #14
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I remember a mate of mine who got sick of those 'email to ten people and find out your secret lover' chain emails and wrote a rant reply to the sender, ending it 'send this to ten people or your pants will consume you'.

A couple of years later, the result of that chain rant found its way back into my inbox

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 22:27   #15
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This internal email made me chuckle a few weeks back on a rainy day

Originally Posted by Person
Just wanted to extend a warm thank you to whoever decided my work trousers hanging in the shower room would make a good towel this morning. After riding in on my bike I donít think I got quite wet enough but as comfortable as I am right now sitting here with damp legs Iíd be grateful if you ask my permission first next time and Iíll gladly lend you an actual towel. I appreciate youíre in a rush to get downstairs and steal peoples food from the fridges but maybe tomorrow letís just be a bit more careful?

Cheers everyone
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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 22:28   #16
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Aw, well, at least it shows that spammers have a sense of humour.

Either that or they really are that retarded. :/

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 22:28   #17
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I can't seem to find that email in my inbox now.. but anyways I remember being emailed by a "lawyer" saying that I have inherited millions from a distant relative who did not have any family and I was apparently his closest relative...

I already knew what would happen if I contacted back

He'd start asking details to send the money in along with all my other details to confirm that I am who he thinks I am...
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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 22:54   #18
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Probably my fav.

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 23:01   #19
D D Danneh
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The good old "You have been banned from world of warcraft, send us ur passwerdz plz".

Oh no, my non-existant world of warcraft account has been banned? What a shame
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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 23:10   #20
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Location: Nottingham
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Finance Bank Plc.
4/6, Adetokunbo Ademola Street,
Victotoria Island , Lagos Nigeria.

Attn: Please,

I am Mr.Joseph Eze, payment officer in Finance Bank Plc, I was Instructed by one Barrister. James Mark, to pay you US$3.5Million as your compensation for your past effort.
We have two method of paying our International customers;
1) Certified international bank draft
2) ATM Swiftcard.
Send to me the following information for the processing and payment.
I. Your Full Name:
II. Address Nationality: (p.o box not acceptable)
III. Occupation :
IV. Phone Number:

Yours Faithfully,

Mr.Joseph Eze.
Director Foreign remittance Department.
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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 23:11   #21
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Not exactly spam, but an amusing email I recieved whilst trying to sell something:

Thanks for your swift respond,I'm okay with your best price but i ll offer you £186 So I would like you to ignore other offers and hold it for me consider it's being sold to me permanently...I will offer you an extra £30 only if you can keep it for me and I will come for the pick-up or i'll rather send my freight agent to handle it.Kindly provide me this below details for your payment to be approve.

(1)Cheque payable to:
(2)Home Address:
(5)Post code:
(7)Telephone number/mobile phone:

A well-known business association have agreed to make payment out to you on my behalf. You should be expecting a U.K Cheque for £2,450 which include the shipping fee to cover the shipping expenses on me because the excess fund is not made for shipment alone i have so many consignment they will handle for me so am paying them totally thru you because i don't trust other as they are blacks so i prefer dealing the person of my complexion because all white are so sincere and transparent.

I'm scared because i have not done this before.Simply because my client couldn't issue out a separate cheque's on a single transaction like this due to company policy, as soon as the cheque clears in your bank you deduct your cost of charges including the compensation and for your assistance,

Then the rest would be sent to my freight for the pickup in your location Mr Godwin who's in presently in Cairo Egypt for pick-up trip.

I hope I can trust you with my rest balance which you will send to the agent?
You can reach me on 07031****** if you have any question.Your kind gesture will be so appreciated hope to read from you soon
Mr S. Taylor.
Bit in bold is just . He just assumed I was white myself I guess!

Naturally, I did not proceed after this

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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 23:22   #22
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 12,126
Originally Posted by DampCat View Post
Assassins, yo.
i had one of the Assassins one a few years back, but mine was the Assassin himself saying he has been hired to kill me and if i paid him off then he won't. Either it was a fake he's one the most useless Assassins i have ever known
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Old 2nd Aug 2010, 23:29   #23
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subject sold at a loss

nights, he was again seized with another
fearful attack, and tumbled off the camel. Sadek was most unfortunate
with animals. He

Attach: cinna.zip
1K Download

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Old 3rd Aug 2010, 00:54   #24
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Posts: 2,581
This is my strangest....if someone can decode it

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Old 3rd Aug 2010, 01:27   #25
Pawnless Endgame
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That's probably a corrupt JPG or something. That's what I see in my browser when it tries to open a corrupt JPG. It simply opens it as raw text.

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Old 3rd Aug 2010, 01:33   #26
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Originally Posted by matthewhotdude View Post
This is my strangest....if someone can decode it
Hahaha! I wasn't expecting the bit at the end with the jacuzzi and labrador!

Steam: CliffyBiro
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Old 3rd Aug 2010, 01:45   #27
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I got one titled "Hit her with your new love muscle"

Made me lol at the time

PSN/XBL = Prankster182
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Old 3rd Aug 2010, 01:57   #28
Joined: Nov 2002
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I have an arduous task of going through my spam folder at some point (five figures) as there are some important things in there (apparently).

Anyway, the one's that do get through are those that say I have a package waiting to be collected and to open a zip file containing the details. Those and the bank account number ones. :-/
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Old 3rd Aug 2010, 02:21   #29
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Location: Stoke area
Posts: 6,177
Not exactly spam but it went something like this:

"please do not add (persons name) to MSN, they will hack you and install a virus"

no idea who the person was the lad in the IT department was talking about.

You know what they say ..... People in glass houses sink ships!
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Old 3rd Aug 2010, 06:50   #30
Capo Crimine
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Posts: 52,815

I drink, therefore I spam. OcUK Chess Champion.
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