Time for an awesome joke

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Soldato
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Two women are walking home after a night out, they stop to relieve themselves in a graveyard. One decides to wipe her fanny with her knickers, and the other uses a wreath.

The next day, their two husbands are in the pub and one says "You know mate, I should start keeping an eye on my wife. She came home last night with no underwear on." The other husband replied "That's nothing, my wife came home with a card shoved up her arse that read - 'we'll never forget you, from all the lads at the fire station.'"

Haha. :D
 
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The Pope was on a visit to England, and taking a tour of Newquay.

Walking along the seafront, he noticed something strange going on in the sea a few hundred metres from the beach. A Pakistani man who looked badly hurt seemed to be drowning in the water. The pope asked his aid if he could borrow some binoculars so that he could see what was happening more clearly. Looking through them, he then realised that the Pakistani man was in fact being attacked by a shark.
30 seconds later, a speedboat came into view with three men on board, all wearing England football shirts. The first man harpooned the shark, while the second guy saved the Pakistani by pulling him onto the boat. The third guy and the first guy then struggled with the shark, eventually killing it before pulling it's dead body onto the boat before speeding off to the harbour where they hung the shark up on public display, to cheers from the large crowd that had formed nearby.

The Pope, still in a state of disbelief, insisted on meeting the three men, and headed to the harbour. On arrival, he called them over to him and said: "What I have just witnessed was truely amazing. I'd heard there was a lot of racial tension in England, but your actions and bravery have showed me that this is indeed not the case. You all risked your life to save this man and I hope that news of this will travel around the world and set an example to others. May you all live in peace and harmony forever, and may God bless you for the rest of your lives."
He then returned to his car and was driven off back into the town.

The first English guy turned around to the second guy and asked "Who the hell was that?"

"That was his Holiness the Pope." Replied the second guy.

"Well he knows **** ALL about shark fishing!" added the third guy. "How's the bait doing or do we need to find another one?"
 
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