The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Stolly said:
Sitter not an option ... Too late, kids won't do it, she won't leave them with a stranger. Hotel is actually a one bed serviced apartment... So taking kids no option unless I sleep on the sofa. Bit of an ask tbh.

Actually, this hotel was rearranged from yet another time her life got in the way ... From back in March. She lives from one crisis to the next.
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I think you've already made up your mind what you should do. Do it sooner rather than later. :)
 
If the ex-partner/GF's parents in Stolly's triangle behave like adults, much of this drama can be avoided. A controlling individual can use children and family to get to continue exerting influence over a former partner, so best get to the bottom of it quickly.
 
Narj said:
I'm afraid the ex is likely to do this frequently if he knows you have nice things planned. Some people are idiots like that and it's one of the reasons I avoid dating women with young children. You will never be a priority and if you're a bit selfish like me then it won't last.
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Exactly the same as me, I like flexibility when dating,so if they have kids then I have to say no.
 
Matched with a girl on Tinder at the start of last week. She is absolutely unbelievable. Expecting a message at some point 'COME SEE MORE AT www.DodgyLookingUrl.com' but nothing like that so far. Been speaking most of the week except for yesterday. She seems really keen, and while I don't (think I ) have self-negativity issues, she's surely far and away out of my league.:p:p

Still, awesome to chat to, seen her on Instagram & Snapchat(before this i did genuinely think it was a bot/fake) and now have her number for whatsapp. All checks out...Still don't believe it for a second :confused::confused:


Anyway, I'm on exercise this week so will have no contact with the outside world from tomorrow morning until Friday so let's see if she's still around at that point. I told her this and her reply was that she'd still be around, and told me to not get lost/broken.

Nah, surely she can't be real....can she? :confused::confused::eek::eek:
 
NooBish AbbZ said:
Matched with a girl on Tinder at the start of last week. She is absolutely unbelievable. Expecting a message at some point 'COME SEE MORE AT www.DodgyLookingUrl.com' but nothing like that so far. Been speaking most of the week except for yesterday. She seems really keen, and while I don't (think I ) have self-negativity issues, she's surely far and away out of my league.:p:p

Still, awesome to chat to, seen her on Instagram & Snapchat(before this i did genuinely think it was a bot/fake) and now have her number for whatsapp. All checks out...Still don't believe it for a second :confused::confused:


Anyway, I'm on exercise this week so will have no contact with the outside world from tomorrow morning until Friday so let's see if she's still around at that point. I told her this and her reply was that she'd still be around, and told me to not get lost/broken.

Nah, surely she can't be real....can she? :confused::confused::eek::eek:
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One chap in the US ended up 'dating' Katty Perry like that.:p Seriously though -- don't shoot yourself down! Proceed with reasonable caution (you've chatted live, I assume from the above) and arrange a harmless meet, when you can, in or near a public space, and take it from there. They are not all bots. As I also mentioned before: your appeal to the opposite sex is subjective! Be yourself, don't clam up and have a laugh. Shocker: beautiful women looking for love or adventure using practical modern means!
 
NooBish AbbZ said:
Matched with a girl on Tinder at the start of last week. She is absolutely unbelievable. Expecting a message at some point 'COME SEE MORE AT www.DodgyLookingUrl.com' but nothing like that so far. Been speaking most of the week except for yesterday. She seems really keen, and while I don't (think I ) have self-negativity issues, she's surely far and away out of my league.:p:p

Still, awesome to chat to, seen her on Instagram & Snapchat(before this i did genuinely think it was a bot/fake) and now have her number for whatsapp. All checks out...Still don't believe it for a second :confused::confused:


Anyway, I'm on exercise this week so will have no contact with the outside world from tomorrow morning until Friday so let's see if she's still around at that point. I told her this and her reply was that she'd still be around, and told me to not get lost/broken.

Nah, surely she can't be real....can she? :confused::confused::eek::eek:
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She's ISIS :p
 
NooBish AbbZ said:
Matched with a girl on Tinder at the start of last week. She is absolutely unbelievable. Expecting a message at some point 'COME SEE MORE AT www.DodgyLookingUrl.com' but nothing like that so far. Been speaking most of the week except for yesterday. She seems really keen, and while I don't (think I ) have self-negativity issues, she's surely far and away out of my league.:p:p

Still, awesome to chat to, seen her on Instagram & Snapchat(before this i did genuinely think it was a bot/fake) and now have her number for whatsapp. All checks out...Still don't believe it for a second :confused::confused:


Anyway, I'm on exercise this week so will have no contact with the outside world from tomorrow morning until Friday so let's see if she's still around at that point. I told her this and her reply was that she'd still be around, and told me to not get lost/broken.

Nah, surely she can't be real....can she? :confused::confused::eek::eek:
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The only real way to ascertain this is if you uploaded pictures of the girl so we can formulate an opinion ;):p
 
Can anyone offer advice on getting a balance with children and a new relationship?

Due to marriage failing I'm currently living back at my parents. I have my Son every Wednesday evening and Every other weekend and also for a couple of weeks during the holidays etc. I also pop over after work a couple of times a week to see him for a hour or so.

As I'm living at my parents I don't get to have the option of having my Son more often.
I work 45 hours a week and pay maintainance according to the government guidelines.

I'm trying to get the balance right between my own life and seeing my child but my ex seems to love throwing in my face that I don't see my Son enough.

I'm at a bit of a loss what more I can to do. It wasn't my decision to split. Is it her way of trying to control me?
 
Nodiggidy123 said:
I'm trying to get the balance right between my own life and seeing my child but my ex seems to love throwing in my face that I don't see my Son enough.

I'm at a bit of a loss what more I can to do. It wasn't my decision to split. Is it her way of trying to control me?
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She's taking out her frustrations on you, because she feels she can.
 
I split up with my long term GF 18 months ago and I've just moved to a different area, little village close to my home town. Met a nice girl at the pub and ended up going back to hers for a drink. Nothing happened just a kiss. Now we've arranged a date but she's 38 I'm 33 and she has two children.

I love children (have none myself) but am I making a big mistake? Anyone dated a person with children? Does it get complicated, hard work? I know every person is different but in the back of my head I'm thinking this could be hard.
 
lakitu said:
I split up with my long term GF 18 months ago and I've just moved to a different area, little village close to my home town. Met a nice girl at the pub and ended up going back to hers for a drink. Nothing happened just a kiss. Now we've arranged a date but she's 38 I'm 33 and she has two children.

I love children (have none myself) but am I making a big mistake? Anyone dated a person with children? Does it get complicated, hard work? I know every person is different but in the back of my head I'm thinking this could be hard.
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Unfortunately that's only one which you can answer.

What are your personal plans? If you don't want kids, and I'm assuming she doesn't want anymore, it could be an easy way out of not having them. You've got the 'messy' stuff out of the way, and as you're fond of children then it shouldn't be off putting.

Besides, you've not had one proper date yet have you? Why not just see where it goes?
 
I don't think i could cope with seeing someone with kids. If nothing else for the possibility of having some pyscho dad in the background and having my life for the foreseeable future influenced by his baggage as well as everyone else's.

That's a strange outlook above.. easy way out of having them? what by looking after someone else's kids ? albeit one half of them (as so to speak) belongs to the person your dating ?
 
lakitu said:
I split up with my long term GF 18 months ago and I've just moved to a different area, little village close to my home town. Met a nice girl at the pub and ended up going back to hers for a drink. Nothing happened just a kiss. Now we've arranged a date but she's 38 I'm 33 and she has two children.

I love children (have none myself) but am I making a big mistake? Anyone dated a person with children? Does it get complicated, hard work? I know every person is different but in the back of my head I'm thinking this could be hard.
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Been there, done that.

It all depends on how involved the kids father is in their lives and how messy the split up between him and this girl was.

It will be complicated, difficult, maddening and you need to know the details before you commit to being the kids "new dad".

If you have the slightest doubt that you can commit to being their new dad, bale out now and save everyone a whole lot of heartache.
 
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