The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Associate
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I saw a unilad article on facebook basically saying today or yesterday was the last acceptable day before Christmas to dump the other half. Merry Christmas y'all

Personally thought I wonder which people who actually looked at that and then took action like suggestively being planted in their head. Personally I have never been that mean before Christmas and I'm sorry to the chaps that recently have had the "its me, not you" rubbish
 
Soldato
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Bah, just been hit with the old "it's not you, it's me" again. I was actually convinced this one was going to be the one I was going to settle down with long-term, no other ex's have made me feel like she did, but alas she didnt love me as much as I love her.

How apparent do you think you made that to her? You need to show girls the same level of interest as they're showing you, if you come across as the 'lovey dovey' one too quickly it can just put them off. Clingy is really unattractive in men
 
Man of Honour
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Ouch, 6 months is hard as that's on the edge of honeymoon/this could be serious.

After being single for about 3 months (my choice, my ex is an immature whiny bitch) I've recently started seeing someone new and it's going great, but we are both aware it's fresh and we are not labelling it or jumping to any conclusions, just enjoying each others company.
 
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Soldato
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At that age you would have thought she would know what she’s looking for.

You’re better off, even though these things suck you’ll feel better in time

At that age you'd think she'd know that you work together to build a successful relationship, you don't get handed every Disney princess cliche on a plate to make you ecstatically happy while you ride off into the sunset.

"It's me, not you." "I love you, but I'm not in love with you", "I still love you, but I can't be with you", etc... every cliched trope from all the Hollywood tripe she's been brought up on. People who can't see the real world because of all the fake world in their heads.

Sorry ROSSI, some people will never be happy, because they don't know what they want and they live for a fantasy that doesn't exist.
 
Caporegime
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I wouldn't look at age for that. Age is just a number. You get 25 year old more planted and secure in their future than 35 yos.
And neither is wrong or right.

Sorry to hear that rossi though. There's only so many 6 month breaks you have. I mean 6 months is not far off a year of time once you get back to dating.

Probably worse for women with men playing that card if they want kids. If you're a woman 35, and that happens you are going to get mighty anxious about kids if you want them. At least men don't have that.
 
Soldato
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2 months?!!?!? You must have not like her that much in the first place if it took you that long to meet up :confused:
The moment I started pushing for a date after about a week (on apps) rather than dithering about I was getting much better success with getting dates in the first place and also how successful they were. Not with one of those women and have been for a year, go figure!
 
Soldato
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The moment I started pushing for a date after about a week (on apps) rather than dithering about I was getting much better success with getting dates in the first place and also how successful they were. Not with one of those women and have been for a year, go figure!

Same with me, had multiple dates with women every week since I joined online dating apps 4 weeks ago.

If a meet up doesn't happen after 5 days I am chatting to them, I move onto the next. I'm not on there looking for text buddies.
 
Soldato
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I wouldn't look at age for that. Age is just a number. You get 25 year old more planted and secure in their future than 35 yos.
And neither is wrong or right.

Sorry to hear that rossi though. There's only so many 6 month breaks you have. I mean 6 months is not far off a year of time once you get back to dating.

Probably worse for women with men playing that card if they want kids. If you're a woman 35, and that happens you are going to get mighty anxious about kids if you want them. At least men don't have that.

Yeh, just getting a bit frustrating and disheartening. I was in a very long term relationship about 3 years ago which ended in much the same way after a wedding was planned and all sorts. Have had it happen again with another girl since, and now again with this one. Despite everyone reassuring me its absolutely nothing to do with me you can't help but think it is and I'm starting to get a bit of a complex about I think!

At that age you would have thought she would know what she’s looking for.

You’re better off, even though these things suck you’ll feel better in time

Yeh I guess so. Everyone is different I suppose. I thought we were both on the same page. Both looking to settle down in the next year or so, both wanting to start a family in the next couple of years, both had similar ideas about what where we wanted to be in the next 12 months (we're in Australia atm but both planned to go back to UK at end of next year).

How apparent do you think you made that to her? You need to show girls the same level of interest as they're showing you, if you come across as the 'lovey dovey' one too quickly it can just put them off. Clingy is really unattractive in men

I wouldn't say I was clingy. I was a bit lovey dovey, but not the point of it being a nuisance or whatever and don't think its my affection that turned her off (well not to my knowledge). She was equally affectionate and close in person etc.

Ouch, 6 months is hard as that's on the edge of honeymoon/this could be serious.

After being single for about 3 months (my choice, my ex is an immature whiny bitch) I've recently started seeing someone new and it's going great, but we are both aware it's fresh and we are not labelling it or jumping to any conclusions, just enjoying each others company.

Yeah im thinking its maybe gotten to the point where shes unsure if she wants a serious relationship. I thought she did but maybe she didn't.

At that age you'd think she'd know that you work together to build a successful relationship, you don't get handed every Disney princess cliche on a plate to make you ecstatically happy while you ride off into the sunset.

"It's me, not you." "I love you, but I'm not in love with you", "I still love you, but I can't be with you", etc... every cliched trope from all the Hollywood tripe she's been brought up on. People who can't see the real world because of all the fake world in their heads.

Sorry ROSSI, some people will never be happy, because they don't know what they want and they live for a fantasy that doesn't exist.

I'm not really sure whats been going on for her or how she feels exactly. She said she was struggling to verbalise at the time and she needed time to process everything. She has been checking in on me every day saying she hopes im OK etc but I basically said maybe we should just stop messaging each other for a bit to give her complete unhindered headspace to deal with whatever it is she is going through and without feeling the need to check in on me because shes worried. We agreed to do that and meet for breakfast on Saturday morning.

I wouldn't look at age for that. Age is just a number. You get 25 year old more planted and secure in their future than 35 yos.
And neither is wrong or right.

Sorry to hear that rossi though. There's only so many 6 month breaks you have. I mean 6 months is not far off a year of time once you get back to dating.

Probably worse for women with men playing that card if they want kids. If you're a woman 35, and that happens you are going to get mighty anxious about kids if you want them. At least men don't have that.

Yeh. That 6 month barrier is doing my head in haha. Hopefully one day i'll get there with someone! I'm trying to remain positive, gymming in the morning, silver lining is there's only one more week of work left then I'm off for 2 weeks and have Christmas with some pals planned then maybe going to Melbourne/New Zealand/Bali (not decided yet) over New Year for a week.
 
Soldato
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Well its been an very eventful few weeks since I joined Tinder a month ago. As of this morning, I closed my account.

I do not have the time to date multiple women, it was at least 2 dates every week with different women and I woke up this morning (in my own bed for a change!) physically drained. I was at the gym and I couldn't push the amount of KG I usually do.

Had my last and final date with a half British, half Swiss woman last night. Shes very bubbly (not fat bubbly) as she slim and very cute. Then I came home at 11pm after the date and spent 1hr on the phone being moaned at because the Polish girl I am dating wanted to see more and I wasn't spending enough time with her. I thought twice a week and me stopping round was enough:confused: clearly to her its not! So she be staying round mine tonight to keep her happy as I be going on holiday for 3 weeks from Saturday.

On my return I need to arrange three, 2nd dates for next month and one new date with a women I met from Argentina on Friday night. If I can fit them in!

But it was good to see and experience how the "other half" lives. At the sametime its a shame because with the rise and popularity of internet dating, that's everyone's default now, sitting in front of a screen and swiping. Because they think they have options instead of opening up their eyes and paying attention to the person who is standing right in front of their face and probably have done for years but would never give them a chance because dating apps takes higher priority.

Abit of a crappy way society is turning into :(
 
Soldato
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I'm not really sure whats been going on for her or how she feels exactly. She said she was struggling to verbalise at the time and she needed time to process everything. She has been checking in on me every day saying she hopes im OK etc but I basically said maybe we should just stop messaging each other for a bit to give her complete unhindered headspace to deal with whatever it is she is going through and without feeling the need to check in on me because shes worried. We agreed to do that and meet for breakfast on Saturday morning.

Ok so the reason this is happening is because she isn't attracted to you, this isn't a physical attraction thing either, and she's now trying to alleviate her guilt of breaking up with you by contacting you to make sure you're okay. Why are you allowing this? She isn't your mum, you don't need a woman to check up on you, you don't need to meet up with her for breakfast, what the actual hell. You need to be introspective here, women are ultimately attracted to masculinity in the same way we're attracted to femininity, men shouldn't be more lovey dovey than their partner, let them lead in that way, you just be cool about things. You don't need to tell her you love her every 5 minutes, you don't need to text them 100 times a day and instantly reply to their every message if you're in the middle of doing something, you don't need fret about their every emotional whim, you don't need to apologise every time she decides you've done something wrong - now I'm not saying you were literally doing that all of that, but I know the reason she broke up with you was because she lost attraction for you as a man. Look at the types of men women are really attracted to, the masculine guys, if you're wondering how to act in a given situation just ask yourself how they would act. It probably wouldn't be meeting up for breakfast after they'd been dumped for a start.
 
Soldato
Joined
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Well its been an very eventful few weeks since I joined Tinder a month ago. As of this morning, I closed my account.

I do not have the time to date multiple women, it was at least 2 dates every week with different women and I woke up this morning (in my own bed for a change!) physically drained. I was at the gym and I couldn't push the amount of KG I usually do.

Had my last and final date with a half British, half Swiss woman last night. Shes very bubbly (not fat bubbly) as she slim and very cute. Then I came home at 11pm after the date and spent 1hr on the phone being moaned at because the Polish girl I am dating wanted to see more and I wasn't spending enough time with her. I thought twice a week and me stopping round was enough:confused: clearly to her its not! So she be staying round mine tonight to keep her happy as I be going on holiday for 3 weeks from Saturday.

On my return I need to arrange three, 2nd dates for next month and one new date with a women I met from Argentina on Friday night. If I can fit them in!

But it was good to see and experience how the "other half" lives. At the sametime its a shame because with the rise and popularity of internet dating, that's everyone's default now, sitting in front of a screen and swiping. Because they think they have options instead of opening up their eyes and paying attention to the person who is standing right in front of their face and probably have done for years but would never give them a chance because dating apps takes higher priority.

Abit of a crappy way society is turning into :(
Why are you dating so many people in one go if it's too much?

At the height of my app dating I was seeing two people at the same time and only went as far as a second date with one of them because I knew that the other was who I actually wanted to spend time with. Just sounds like you've gone 'full Tinder'.

Make your mind up as to whether you like them or not, and if not stop seeing them. Is it really that hard?
 
Soldato
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Ok so the reason this is happening is because she isn't attracted to you, this isn't a physical attraction thing either, and she's now trying to alleviate her guilt of breaking up with you by contacting you to make sure you're okay. Why are you allowing this? She isn't your mum, you don't need a woman to check up on you, you don't need to meet up with her for breakfast, what the actual hell. You need to be introspective here, women are ultimately attracted to masculinity in the same way we're attracted to femininity, men shouldn't be more lovey dovey than their partner, let them lead in that way, you just be cool about things. You don't need to tell her you love her every 5 minutes, you don't need to text them 100 times a day and instantly reply to their every message if you're in the middle of doing something, you don't need fret about their every emotional whim, you don't need to apologise every time she decides you've done something wrong - now I'm not saying you were literally doing that all of that, but I know the reason she broke up with you was because she lost attraction for you as a man. Look at the types of men women are really attracted to, the masculine guys, if you're wondering how to act in a given situation just ask yourself how they would act. It probably wouldn't be meeting up for breakfast after they'd been dumped for a start.

You may be right, you may be wrong. Interestingly you're the only person that has positioned it like that.

Everyone else ive spoke to just views it as an adult way of dealing with the split tbh. I guess I will have some more clarity after meeting her on Saturday morning.
 
Soldato
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Why are you dating so many people in one go if it's too much?

At the height of my app dating I was seeing two people at the same time and only went as far as a second date with one of them because I knew that the other was who I actually wanted to spend time with. Just sounds like you've gone 'full Tinder'.

Make your mind up as to whether you like them or not, and if not stop seeing them. Is it really that hard?

New country, new place and new to this internet dating thing. So I am exploring my options. I'm doing it because I can (just like many women do)

I'm like a fat kid in a sweet shop:D
 
Soldato
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You may be right, you may be wrong. Interestingly you're the only person that has positioned it like that.

Everyone else ive spoke to just views it as an adult way of dealing with the split tbh. I guess I will have some more clarity after meeting her on Saturday morning.

What are you gaining from meeting for breakfast? You either don't have feelings for her in which case move on with your life, or you do and having a social meeting like this is only going to prolong the agony.

Cancel the breakfast, say you are too busy and if it actually bothers her she will be in touch, if it doesn't you are better off out of it anyway.
 
Soldato
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Ok so the reason this is happening is because she isn't attracted to you, this isn't a physical attraction thing either, and she's now trying to alleviate her guilt of breaking up with you by contacting you to make sure you're okay. Why are you allowing this? She isn't your mum, you don't need a woman to check up on you, you don't need to meet up with her for breakfast, what the actual hell. You need to be introspective here, women are ultimately attracted to masculinity in the same way we're attracted to femininity, men shouldn't be more lovey dovey than their partner, let them lead in that way, you just be cool about things. You don't need to tell her you love her every 5 minutes, you don't need to text them 100 times a day and instantly reply to their every message if you're in the middle of doing something, you don't need fret about their every emotional whim, you don't need to apologise every time she decides you've done something wrong - now I'm not saying you were literally doing that all of that, but I know the reason she broke up with you was because she lost attraction for you as a man. Look at the types of men women are really attracted to, the masculine guys, if you're wondering how to act in a given situation just ask yourself how they would act. It probably wouldn't be meeting up for breakfast after they'd been dumped for a start.
****ing LOL. You can tell that much from a forum post?

ROSSI, She's messaged you every day. That's an awful lot of guilt. Or maybe she does care about you to some degree. I'm not saying Roar87 isn't right, it might be spot on.

IMO your behaviour has been the right stuff. Take care of your own things, show independence, set some distance up while she sorts her own **** out. Whether that's to move on and stop hassling you, or realise she's interested.
 
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