Cheating

[Ingenious TROLL]

The story so far.

on the sunday night we talked said that there is no trust and that how did i get the message, i blagged it to say that i put a temporary password in her phone when she passed her phone to me. Not telling her that the software was still on there.

That night, i was so upset and drank 1/2 lt of vodka because if i did get it all wrong ive spoilt everything, or what if it was right and she has been cheating on me. and went to sleep about 2am


She went to work on the monday at 4am, i woke up about 5am just couldnt sleep

Cant write any more just to upset at the moment

Went down stairs and started texting her saying im sorry for sccusing her and forgive me, lets move forward from this and work something out. And that saying that i still love her.

But then my curiosity said lets she whats she doing has she contacted him again ??

Well

XXXXXX (+447XXXXXXXX) 01:84:00 Outgoing Mon Mar 10 04:45:43 GMT+00:00 2014

on the phone for over two hours to him

i then looked at the texts messages

that night he text back saying

Wots happnd? Y u bein lyk that

and in the morning i can see all my text messages and more from him and her saying

one the text i send was

I love you and will never stop loving you and don't know what I would do with out you in my life I know it was not love at first site for you but I will do anything to stay with you

and she forwarded my text to him and the reply was (W wife / C Cheater)

Spoiler

(C)
Wot u mean it was luv at first sight for me maybe nt for u. It was lyk a movie this gorgus girl walks in and is walkin towards me my hearts beatin n i fink im in a dream abt to faint.
(C)
Meanin fink before u talk n watch wot u say
(W)
I neva sent that msg tramp he sent it to me just now lol
(C)
Oh i fought u sed that to me n u was jokin. Lol. Say buy me a g6 jet then or jump of a cliff lol
(C)
Lol
(C)
Im being serious
(C)
Was it luv at first sight for u
(W)
No
(C)
So am i either way ur rich
(W)
Wt shall i do. What do u think i should do now
(W)
What u on bot
(C)
Im on abt wen did u knw u luvd me? Talk to ur mom see wot she says. Wiv him talk n see wot the options r in terms wot u gna do wiv DAUGHTER, if u sell up or kip the house, wot to do 1st n wen? Or do u jus stay as it is
(W)
He wants to stay together n fix it. I knew i lovednu straight away. What shall i do.

Well that night we were talking and and it lead in to what we would do if we split up and i said split and go out separate ways and what to do with our daugter and said i dont know

She then went on saying i earn enough to take over the house and that for me to move out and when i asked about our daughter she said stay with me and i wont stop you seeing her. and she said you can carry on picking her up from nusery and scholl till i get back from work, which is less then 2 hours a day, i then said that ive been with her every day of her life and tossed it to her saying that if you saw her 2 hours a day would you be happy her reply " Thats not going to happen"

Jesus christ man, get out of there! What a b****. Get rid, keep the kid, keep the house. Fight fight fight. I hate seeing stuff like this happen to good people (or what appears so anyway).

For god sake, don't pander to her, be strong, kick her out to the kerb.

Also, who the hell even talks like that any more?

 

[Allnamestaken]

She was talking dirt all over you in those texts to him and he was blatantly disrespecting you in them not as if he wasn't by banging her but still... and she entertained it.

She has ABSOLUTELY no respect for you Rish.

 

[drunkenmaster]

The OP says he doesn't know how he'll go on without her, etc, etc.

It's simple, be honest with yourself, you love someone who doesn't love you, meaning you aren't actually getting an awful lot from the relationship. You resent her, she's been cheating, she doesn't love you and I guess isn't very affectionate nor is particularly fun to spend time with for you. So what happens if you move on... you find someone who actually loves you, your life improves, you stop hanging on to someone hoping they'll love you, they probably won't.

At some point people become scared, and fear causes you to make stupid decisions. People start to think that what they have now is better than nothing, rather than make the rational conclusion that what they REALLY have isn't good anyway, and if they move on they have the potential to find a much better relationship. Put it this way, the younger you are the better chance you have to find someone who you really love and really loves you, so no matter your age, waiting isn't ever the right answer.

Be proactive, and for the love of god don't attempt to follow someone and take pictures of them in bed, more chance of that ending up with charges of trespassing and a record than helping you in any court case. If you genuinely want pictures, pay a investigator to catch them and get you proof that a court might actually accept.

But from your plans, and the txt speak, I'm going with this will end on jeremy kyle rather than with sensible lawyers and people coming up with a sensible arrangement that is best for the kid.

 

[Spursingham]

The story so far.

on the sunday night we talked said that there is no trust and that how did i get the message, i blagged it to say that i put a temporary password in her phone when she passed her phone to me. Not telling her that the software was still on there.

That night, i was so upset and drank 1/2 lt of vodka because if i did get it all wrong ive spoilt everything, or what if it was right and she has been cheating on me. and went to sleep about 2am


She went to work on the monday at 4am, i woke up about 5am just couldnt sleep

Cant write any more just to upset at the moment

Went down stairs and started texting her saying im sorry for sccusing her and forgive me, lets move forward from this and work something out. And that saying that i still love her.

But then my curiosity said lets she whats she doing has she contacted him again ??

Well

XXXXXX (+447XXXXXXXX) 01:84:00 Outgoing Mon Mar 10 04:45:43 GMT+00:00 2014

on the phone for over two hours to him

i then looked at the texts messages

that night he text back saying

Wots happnd? Y u bein lyk that

and in the morning i can see all my text messages and more from him and her saying

one the text i send was

I love you and will never stop loving you and don't know what I would do with out you in my life I know it was not love at first site for you but I will do anything to stay with you

and she forwarded my text to him and the reply was (W wife / C Cheater)

Spoiler

(C)
Wot u mean it was luv at first sight for me maybe nt for u. It was lyk a movie this gorgus girl walks in and is walkin towards me my hearts beatin n i fink im in a dream abt to faint.
(C)
Meanin fink before u talk n watch wot u say
(W)
I neva sent that msg tramp he sent it to me just now lol
(C)
Oh i fought u sed that to me n u was jokin. Lol. Say buy me a g6 jet then or jump of a cliff lol
(C)
Lol
(C)
Im being serious
(C)
Was it luv at first sight for u
(W)
No
(C)
So am i either way ur rich
(W)
Wt shall i do. What do u think i should do now
(W)
What u on bot
(C)
Im on abt wen did u knw u luvd me? Talk to ur mom see wot she says. Wiv him talk n see wot the options r in terms wot u gna do wiv DAUGHTER, if u sell up or kip the house, wot to do 1st n wen? Or do u jus stay as it is
(W)
He wants to stay together n fix it. I knew i lovednu straight away. What shall i do.

Well that night we were talking and and it lead in to what we would do if we split up and i said split and go out separate ways and what to do with our daugter and said i dont know

She then went on saying i earn enough to take over the house and that for me to move out and when i asked about our daughter she said stay with me and i wont stop you seeing her. and she said you can carry on picking her up from nusery and scholl till i get back from work, which is less then 2 hours a day, i then said that ive been with her every day of her life and tossed it to her saying that if you saw her 2 hours a day would you be happy her reply " Thats not going to happen"

Mate, you probably already know this but it's over. The courts will favour her and half your stuff will be taken away from you. Getting legal proof she's cheating is the next step and probably your only hope. Even then the courts might not care.
The only time the courts favour the father is if the Mother is a low life druggie. Even then it's a struggle. This is why I support 'Fathers4Justice'.

It's time to be Alpha as **** and TELL her how this is going to play out.
Don't give her the satisfaction of being the one to break it up. You control the situation and give her no choice. She'll soon be with her lover (who's probably somewhat after half your house) and will soon realise the excitement of sneaking around has gone.

In terms of your daughter, I guess this depends on how old she is. Is she old enough to make her own decisions? Is she a Daddys/Mummys girl?

 

[dan958]

i couldn't really follow the teenage teen speak very well.

I'm 21 and I couldn't understand any of it.

 

[the shadow]

ignore

 

[Random Guy]

Just to add to the chorus OP, I agree that you need to put this woman behind you ASAP. IMO you don't owe her any favours beyond her being the mother of your child. Everything else, and I mean EVERYTHING, now is yours to shoulder. Cut her the **** out of your life and do it ruthlessly, without emotion and regret. IMO you need to see her for what she is, see your relationship for what it NEVER was, and with a feeling akin to a man dodging a very lethal bullet, smile happily that your life is still yours and back in your control.

One big caveat though - you are better off maintaining cordial relations with her, in spite of all her BS, for the sake of your child.

Do not give her even the faintest hint of being a doormat. If you need advice or need to chat, I am sure any one of us can take the role of anonymous "mate" and spare the time to do so. Hit me up by Trust if you do.

All the above comes with huge assumptions of course, and I hope some of it helps. I am really sorry for your situation but I think/hope you see how much better you will be in a different living arrangement. Your life is in your hands, as is your happiness and the happiness you can give others. Don't EVER be in a situation where you put that kind of power in someone else's hands. Re-prioritise what is important to you and live your life according to that. Good luck.

 

[Dugganator]

Wow. Dude that sucks and I feel for you.

One question what level of evidence will help the op when it comes to a divorce to prove she is being seeing someone else for all this time or any amount of time.

I don't think the methods in which he got his information will go down to well from a legal point of view will it? And she clearly isn't admitting to it which makes things worse.

I have no idea so this is a question that maybe someone will be able to get the op the correct information to help him so he doesn't get nailed to the floor and taken to the cleaners.

If all else falls just get rid of her as quickly as possible.

The wanting her back stage even after you found out she has cheated on you is a normal stage btw as you have a house, life and children your be thinking that you don't like the idea of change. The best advise I can give is don't be afraid of it, get rid of her as she clearly doesn't give a crap about you and move on.

You might also want to think about is the child also yours btw heart breaking as that might be but if it has been going on for 7 years could that be a possible chance? You need to think about all of this and try and not do anything stupid. The person she is seeing clearly shows he doesn't care for any of the impact it will cause you and from the text speech looks to have the mental age of 16 year old or just retarded.

I speak from being in a similar position a long time ago but wasn't married so trying to give you some stuff I had to go through/think about and I wish I took some of the above advise sooner then later.

Should add if you needed to chat more about this Ill do my best to give advise on the bits I can.

 

[Pestilence]

As others have said, OP: It's kerb time.

Make the first move. You do realise she's now planning away with this bloke behind your back, as she still thinks you don't know exactly what she's up to?

Get a solicitor, and simply tell her, at home, that you're filing for divorce and you will do everything in your legal power to get as much access to your child as you can, and the house. She's the cheat, so she should be prepared to lose it all. Keep that mindframe and it will serve you well. Don't turn into a wet blanket desperately thinking you can save this.

Any woman who messes around on someone who can at least write a coherent sentence with an obvious barely literate loser deserves none of your time, respect, nor love. "Buy me a G6 jet", seriously? The pair of them seem to be the kind of brain-dead morons who base the 'normality' of their social interactions on what they see on Eastenders, and gather their material wants from the lyrics of pop songs. Get. *******. Shot.

 

[d_brennen]

Seek legal advice. Stop with the snooping, nothing productive can come from it now.

Above all, be alpha. Do not wait for what she wants to happen next.

 

[Schlong&Stable]

Dumbest advice ever.

As his wife, she has the legal right to gain entry to her own house. She can get a locksmith to force entry if he does anything as stupid as that.

Enough of the 'bro advice'.

The question is whether she will do that or not. Most people seek to avoid confrontation and will follow the path of least resistance, which will be going home to her mother. It's unlikely she'd get a locksmith, especially if the kid is involved.

The alternative is he lets her make the first move and she brings home the new guy and bones him in the marital bed.

 

[DrunkRufie]

Spoiler

(C)
Wot u mean it was luv at first sight for me maybe nt for u. It was lyk a movie this gorgus girl walks in and is walkin towards me my hearts beatin n i fink im in a dream abt to faint.
(C)
Meanin fink before u talk n watch wot u say
(W)
I neva sent that msg tramp he sent it to me just now lol
(C)
Oh i fought u sed that to me n u was jokin. Lol. Say buy me a g6 jet then or jump of a cliff lol
(C)
Lol
(C)
Im being serious
(C)
Was it luv at first sight for u
(W)
No
(C)
So am i either way ur rich
(W)
Wt shall i do. What do u think i should do now
(W)
What u on bot
(C)
Im on abt wen did u knw u luvd me? Talk to ur mom see wot she says. Wiv him talk n see wot the options r in terms wot u gna do wiv DAUGHTER, if u sell up or kip the house, wot to do 1st n wen? Or do u jus stay as it is
(W)
He wants to stay together n fix it. I knew i lovednu straight away. What shall i do.

Dear god, my head hurts after trying to read and translate that

 

[nucastle]

Changing locks on doors is no tactic at all. It's her house as well (I'm assuming as they are married) so he has no real 'right' to expel her.

This is where it all gets silly for most people. They try and score points, or go for what THEY feel is right, yada yada yada. It's a losing game no matter what.

If he's in a position to, he needs to get out and rent a flat and simply just separate and then petition for divorce or plan his next move. I've heard far too many stories from my own friends when they break up and treat the house like a fortress that needs to be defended etc etc. Most of the time they waste months/years to walk away with nothing but bitter memories.

The moment he gets out of that house, the healing will start. Leave her in it, to wallow in the bed she has made for herself.

 

[Allnamestaken]

If he leaves the house and she brings home the new guy?

Can you imagine that? I would want to kill someone for that amount of disrespect .

After reading the texts between them I wouldnt put it past her either..

 

[nucastle]

It's not disrespect - if she wants to be with the other guy then that's her deal. From this point on it's his choice how he chooses to interpret every thing that goes on.

She disrespected him the moment she choose to have an affair and keep it going for 7 years. It's a disrespect that it's ongoing and all those texts are a disrespect. Respect is now out the window and probably somewhere up towards the north pole now. You will never be able to get the 'respect' you 'deserve'. From this point on you need to respect YOURSELF.

 

[robbiemc]

I hate to ask (but Im sure any solicitor would), are you positive that your daughter is yours? We don't know how old you are (but it certainly sounds like you're fairly young), and I can assume (again, apologies) that anyone involved in such a long affair wouldn't bother using any protection.

 

[Deleted member 651465]

My advice (as someone currently going through a divorce), is this:

Speak to a solicitor. They may advise you to file for divorce against her on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour (as I chose to do), or go for the full shebang and go for adultery.

Either way, expect a fight and substantial costs.

I've paid out £2k and my ex-wife was willing to sign the documentation. Had this been a drawn out thing, that she disputed, it would easily have cost 5x this.

Be warned. Once you issue a divorce petition you'll need to have a statement of arrangements drawn up for custody of your child, and she will be less likely to co-operate in the heat of the moment/when the gloves are off.

You may choose to agree to split amicably, but keep any evidence for when (there is no "IF") she turns nasty. I have, and I'll only play that card when I absolutely have to.

If you're going to turn up and take pictures, for the love of god don't show them to her. Even if they're a blurry mess... The thought that she's been caught red handed will be enough and will put you in a better position.

I can't see how you'll do that unless she's at yours though.

Good luck

 

[Metalface Mark]

If he leaves the house and she brings home the new guy?

Can you imagine that? I would want to kill someone for that amount of disrespect .

After reading the texts between them I wouldnt put it past her either..

If the relationship is done - then its done. If they split then he makes a deal to buy or sell the house and does not dictate what she does or who she does it with and vice versa.

While the whole situation is utterly horrific for the OP, he can at least know that his relationship is done, the trust is gone, there is no way back from it, he can start angry and get over it quicker rather than the poor sap who hopes for a reconciliation for months while being kept on call in case it doesn't work out for the woman. Having been on the end of that end its no way for anyone to live their life, Id have loved for my wife to have been cheating on me so I could have had a clean end to the relationship.

 

[Akagi]

Is it bad that one of the things I find the most troubling about this is the way that text in the OP is written? It is tearing my brain apart.

Sorry to hear your situation OP.

 

[LordSplodge]

Start divorce procedings and for the love of all things find a woman who can write decent English. Best of luck though, can't be a good place to be.

I mean your situation is terrible and sad but that series of text messages has killed the English written language stone cold dead.