Soldato
Inb4 looking elsewhere at other guys.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
Soldato
Well my fiancé of 6 years has effectively told me she doesn't know what she wants and is feeling confused.
Basically in limbo.
This is absolutely the worst thing for me. I'm now in an unknown area sat on my bed convinced that this is the end.
She says she still loves me and I do believe her
I'm not going to be able to think of anything else.
Think I'm going to lose it all
I think I need to go to the doctor. The depression, worry, fear is going to wreck me. And it's only been a day or two
It's never been bad enough to make me go.
So you already have traits of depression? Could this be the cause of your relationship issues in the first place? Go see the doctor, it cant hurt. I did, went for CBT therapy and life is much easier now. I was like you, felt like I had a handle on it most of the time, but others saw me very differently. I want up for doing much and I guess I was boring and that didn't help relationships. So go get help, do it for you and whatever happens with your fiancé it will probably be for the best. It's not the best time to seek her support but it's a good time to show her you want to get sorted.
Apologies if I'm way off the mark with that though. Kinda relading between the lines.
It's not way of the mark.
And I'm having those really dark thoughts, ones I had many many years ago.
Maybe she does see me as boring (she gets it too)
I always suggest things to do but they don't happen.. Which is what really makes me think she doesn't like me like she did. Maybe she is trying to come to terms with that. I dunno
I'll definitely have to go. If this goes the way I think it will I'll need it, if it doesn't, it won't be a bad thing.
Both my parents have it. We (as a family) worry, and I particularly don't deal with uncertainty well. - this is what is killing me.
Ugh
Soldato
Maybe you guys need a break, go do something that makes you both happy separately. If you go the therapy route, might be worth asking about relationship help too? Only if she's happy with that. Might be a considertion. There's no shame in it. 6 years is a long time to be with someone so it must be worth the effort. Just be sure not to push her away with trying to hard or too little.
Soldato
So my situation hasn’t improved and I’m soon to be moving out for a few months to see if this changes the situation! What’s killing me is leaving my 4yr old, something I’m dreading!
Without sounding insensitive, for those who’ve left children behind, how did you cope?
Without sounding insensitive, for those who’ve left children behind, how did you cope?
Sometimes, barely other times you manage to put it to the back of your mind and forget for a little while that you're not seeing your kids. It's hard, the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it does make you appreciate your time with them all the more when you are with them.
Just make sure you and your partner put the kids needs first, no using your child as a weapon etc...
Soldato
AAGGGHHH!!!
I quit smoking 6 years ago and now I feel the need to have one.
I also found myself with a glass of wine last night....WTF....I never drink on a Wed night 
I quit smoking 6 years ago and now I feel the need to have one.
I also found myself with a glass of wine last night....WTF....I never drink on a Wed night Wow, that sounds exactly like my ex wife. Aside from the gaming PC as when I was with her I didn't have one, because she was already too busy spending my wages on crap for herself....
Since the split, I honestly have never been happier!
I definitely sympathise with that scenario! Sometimes people end up thinking with the wrong brain and put up with it for some stupid reason!
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Okay so more sort of drama even though I'm passed caring my full story pretty much is a couple of pages back.
Anyway long story short I've been meeting a mates ex and I eventually told him.. This past week he's done nothing but spam her saying he loves her and that he wants her back and would do anything and she's literally told him to leave her alone and delete her number on numerous occasions. This went on for 2 days until she blocked his number. Now he keeps messaging me asking if we're going out on the weekend which we did quite often but nt much the past month but he invited me to a event which I'm not apart of and wouldn't have been asked to go to, I feel he's checking up on me and seeing where I am and I think he's playing a clever game knowing full well she would tell me what he's saying in hope id walk away and leave her for him.. So frustrating.
Anyway long story short I've been meeting a mates ex and I eventually told him.. This past week he's done nothing but spam her saying he loves her and that he wants her back and would do anything and she's literally told him to leave her alone and delete her number on numerous occasions. This went on for 2 days until she blocked his number. Now he keeps messaging me asking if we're going out on the weekend which we did quite often but nt much the past month but he invited me to a event which I'm not apart of and wouldn't have been asked to go to, I feel he's checking up on me and seeing where I am and I think he's playing a clever game knowing full well she would tell me what he's saying in hope id walk away and leave her for him.. So frustrating.
Caporegime
How weird, I look back at the not-long-term, casual 3 month relationship that just ended, and it was actually the happiest I have been in many, many years.... how annoying!
Told you. He keeps her hanging, and as soon as someone else shows interest in her, he's got to have her back. Doesn't want her, doesn't want anyone else to have her. I've seen plenty of guys like this.
This "friend" is not your friend. Call him on it and tell him to leave your new girlfriend alone. If you're worried as you previously stated about losing your circle of friends over it, then tell them what he's been doing to try and screw things up with your girlfriend and let them make their own judgements.
He's a **** and you should stop caring or covering for him unless he means more to you than your girlfriend does.
I have to agree with Steampunk, your so called friend is really showing his true colours with this one and sounds like a right **** to me... I'd definitely be telling him to back off and I'd be making sure your social circle is aware of what's been going on
Yeah think your right, he's acting like a royal **** not sure if he's baiting me for a reaction to talk about it. But don't understand why he's trying to be so sly behind my back and then act like my best friend directly to me. I have no problem with him and hoped the same back, but I don't like the way he's going on and id choose her over him anyday. Think I'll see what happens now he's been blocked if he carries on being sly I'll just say something again was hoping he would just get over it and stop being a little *****
Soldato
Cope? Try and stay positive, think about the next not the now, think about what will and not what can be, there is a difference... And above all, know that what you do will make a difference, trust me, I'm a pro... Unfortunately.
Associate
Couldn't have put it better, the best thing about having little kids is the fact that no matter what happens they love you unconditionally!
The kids are your and yours ex's common ground, never ever use them as weapons, never bad mouth the other parent to them, remember that its pointless fighting one another when your both fighting for the same thing...the welfare of the kids.
I appreciate my time with the kids even more than I did before our split, and the kids get more quality time with me than they ever did before.
Separating and the kids being left with their mum was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I don't feel embarrassed that I still get upset about it now, but seeing how happy the kids are means that the separation (although it was not my choice) has certainly had its benefits too.
I haven't seen my kids since boxing day as the ex cares more about hurting me than she does about the kids needs, this is not the way to go and although I am hurting I'm more concerned with the effect this is having on the two most important people in the world to me. This isn't the first time.
Zootfloot is totally right though, you may get less time with your kids but the quality of that time you have goes through the roof as whenever you see them you're making the best of it and always doing something whether that's colouring in together on a wet and windy day or running round a play centre with them or something. And they'll remember the great feelings more than the less time.
Like Zootfloot I'm not embarrassed to say I get upset about it too even when I am seeing them regularly but it is for the best! You'll see...
Zootfloot is totally right though, you may get less time with your kids but the quality of that time you have goes through the roof as whenever you see them you're making the best of it and always doing something whether that's colouring in together on a wet and windy day or running round a play centre with them or something. And they'll remember the great feelings more than the less time.
Like Zootfloot I'm not embarrassed to say I get upset about it too even when I am seeing them regularly but it is for the best! You'll see...
Can't believe you haven't seen your kids for over 4 months that is terrible, what's the ex doing to keep you from seeing them ? Is there anything you can do ? Feel for you mate.