The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Caporegime
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Get yourself to a Hooters bar whilst you're over there, keep yourself happy for an hour or two

Worth a go! Got to be done to be fair


IIf the following crosses the medical rules please delete
I'm thinking of going to my gp when I get home for anti depressants
How do these things actually work? When it's heavily linked to an event (fiance leaving) combined with my genetics (both parents have it) will it work?
It obviously can't delete memories. Will it change way I see things?
Or is it literally just random pet person?

Seems hard to believe it can help

Not asking if I should go on them, that's for gp, just to be clear I'm asking how these medications actually work. Technically
 
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Associate
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Without giving medical advise.

My personal opinion would be to avoid medication unless you are desperate and can't function with normal life. I would say you are going through a natural process of loss and guarantee you will feel better in time.

I have struggled to come off anti depressants and was given them for something I didn't really need them for.
 
Soldato
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when all I do in life is geared around her and our kids

There's your problem. Your not a slave to your wife and kids and if anyone is in this kind of relationship I would seriously evaluate how it came to be.

You have been walked all over, and it will continue to happen unless you do something to stop it.
 
Soldato
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There's your problem. Your not a slave to your wife and kids and if anyone is in this kind of relationship I would seriously evaluate how it came to be.

You have been walked all over, and it will continue to happen unless you do something to stop it.

Yup, I can see that is a large part of the issue. Being objective, we do stuff together too, she has her gym she goes to whenever she can (be it when im at work if she managed to wrangle an hour with her mum, or once im home). I dont consider myself a slave to them at all, but...something is ringing true.

I got home last night, got changed, sat down and told her how I feel, apologized for not reading between the lines and going to bed early. Told her i've apologized for hurting her feelings, but that it hurts terribly that nothing is coming from her end about at least acknowledging the pain from my perspective, one where we agreed I have 2 nights, and in no shape or form set out to hurt her. Kept it cool calm and collected, factual, whilst making sure I got my point across on the situation. Absolutely nothing was said back to me, met by complete ignorance, ostensibly because she is tired from a long and rubbish birthday.

After 10 minutes of talking to a brick wall, I stopped talking, asked her to at least acknowledge me and what ive said. She kept staring at the TV for a good minute of me saying "hello?" "at least nod or acknowledge what ive said", "not asking you to agree, im asking you to listen and try to understand" kind of one-way conversation.

Gave up for my own sanity and went to bed. Im not perfect, and earlier on during the day i've said things over text which arent nice (not insulting though), but, feel like im the only one trying at this point.

Mentally, im resetting this morning and obviously giving it another try after work...
 
Soldato
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Gave up for my own sanity and went to bed. Im not perfect, and earlier on during the day i've said things over text which arent nice (not insulting though), but, feel like im the only one trying at this point.

Mentally, im resetting this morning and obviously giving it another try after work...

You did absolutely nothing wrong by talking about recent events. From the sounds of things the way she wouldn't acknowledge or pay attention is not just childish but makes you wonder if there is a bigger problem she isn't talking about.

Unless this is something you're use to in your relationship, to me it doesn't seem normal to act this way.

Goodluck with the next attempt, hope you work things out.

My wife tried this on last night by repeating what I had said but in a 12 year old's mocking style of voice.

Ask her if she'd like you to ring her parents to tell her to grow up ;)
 
Permabanned
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I'm thinking of going to my gp when I get home for anti depressants
How do these things actually work? When it's heavily linked to an event (fiancee leaving) combined with my genetics (both parents have it) will it work?
It obviously can't delete memories. Will it change way I see things?

If you have an emotional reaction to a memory, it will dampen that feeling down. That is all it does.
This helps with looking at it rationally, which is why you really need to combine it with counselling. Talking through an issue with a non-relative is the best way of getting through it.

Like you might look at your fiancee leaving as the end of the world, but remove the irrational emotion from that situation and you can start seeing it in a more positive way.
 
Soldato
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Yup, absolutely hate it when attempts are made to minimize, mock, change tack and not deal with the problem at hand. Helps no-one at all when one party is...how shall i put this...expected to fold and simply apologize and take all the pain onboard.
 
Associate
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Obviously don't know your or the mrs mate, but when she "lost" this expensive watch, you don't think she could have left it at some blokes house do you?

Then you buying her a replacement, she's suddenly feeling very guilty and trying to push the blame on you to make herself feel better?

Might be completely wrong but i'm just very suspiscious when something like that happens and can't understand how anybody could lose a watch on a night out, particularly a hen night!

edit: for background an ex of mine, lost a necklace on a night out, it turned up at my mates ...
 
Associate
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Obviously don't know your or the mrs mate, but when she "lost" this expensive watch, you don't think she could have left it at some blokes house do you?

Then you buying her a replacement, she's suddenly feeling very guilty and trying to push the blame on you to make herself feel better?

Might be completely wrong but i'm just very suspiscious when something like that happens and can't understand how anybody could lose a watch on a night out, particularly a hen night!

edit: for background an ex of mine, lost a necklace on a night out, it turned up at my mates ...

That's EXACTLY what I was thinking, even more so after reading that OP had sat down with her and pretty much apologised for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong.

There's something very amiss here, her actions are not those of a guilt free or loved up woman in a happy relationship.

Man that sounds harsh, but that's how it reads to me.
 
Soldato
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Nah completely wrong mate, but don't mind you asking that at all.

She is intensely loyal and wouldnt do that. Were abhorrent about people who cheat and then break up after. Surely if youre that far down the path, end it before anything happens. We live in Gibraltar, shes originally from Manchester (moved 16 years go), so some of our friends here had a hen do up in Manchester, she also took the opportunity to see some friends over there too over the course of the weekend. Ironically i'd just been there a week earlier for the Manchester Derby.

Suspect it either got lost during the course of the night (happens), or pinched at the hotel room (we both have a sneaky suspicion this happened after putting the events of the night together).

It happens, quickly decided to find the same watch, succeeded and was appreciated hugely when I gave it to her on the night before we went out on her birthday bash. Quickly turned into being a "predictable" present after the big argument 2 days ago.

Edit - Wont post the email I sent her a few minutes ago for obvious reasons, but im attempting to get to the bottom of it via any means, whilst putting forward my opinion on what I think is happening, in a the most neutral, level headed way I can muster whilst making sure she knows I love her.
 
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Associate
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Obviously don't know your or the mrs mate, but when she "lost" this expensive watch, you don't think she could have left it at some blokes house do you?

Then you buying her a replacement, she's suddenly feeling very guilty and trying to push the blame on you to make herself feel better?

Might be completely wrong but i'm just very suspiscious when something like that happens and can't understand how anybody could lose a watch on a night out, particularly a hen night!

edit: for background an ex of mine, lost a necklace on a night out, it turned up at my mates ...

She lost her watch on a hen night so probably had some drinks and must have took her watch off at some point as a £500 watch should have a good strap.
Doesn't mean she left it at some blokes house though. The OP does not mention if she stayed out all night or was dropped off back home?
 
Caporegime
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Yup, absolutely hate it when attempts are made to minimize, mock, change tack and not deal with the problem at hand. Helps no-one at all when one party is...how shall i put this...expected to fold and simply apologize and take all the pain onboard.

Just read some of your posts on this page so sorry if I've missed this but have you tried Counselling? It sounds to me like you're getting pretty close to a situation that might be difficult to recover from, or you or her even want to recover from.
 
Associate
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That's EXACTLY what I was thinking, even more so after reading that OP had sat down with her and pretty much apologised for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong.

There's something very amiss here, her actions are not those of a guilt free or loved up woman in a happy relationship.

Man that sounds harsh, but that's how it reads to me.

I was tempted not to post but I hate seeing this kind of thing. Probably completely wrong, but something doesn't quite sit right.

If it was ear rings / a ring or maybe even a necklace, fair enough. I wouldn't bat an eye lid but a watch only comes off if you take it off. A watch isn't taken off until you get home, they don't just fall off do they!

Hope for your sake that i'm wrong mate but just keep an eye on her, hope things get better!
 
Associate
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Nah completely wrong mate, but don't mind you asking that at all.

She is intensely loyal and wouldnt do that. Were abhorrent about people who cheat and then break up after. We live in Gibraltar, shes originally from Manchester (moved 16 years go), so some of our friends here had a hen do up in Manchester, she also took the opportunity to see some friends over there too over the course of the weekend. Ironically i'd just been there a week earlier for the Manchester Derby.

Suspect it either got lost during the course of the night (happens), or pinched at the hotel room (we both have a sneaky suspicion this happened after putting the events of the night together).

It happens, quickly decided to find the same watch, succeeded and was appreciated hugely when I gave it to her on the night before we went out on her birthday bash. Quickly turned into being a "predictable" present after the big argument 2 days ago.

Edit - Wont post the email I sent her a few minutes ago for obvious reasons, but im attempting to get to the bottom of it via any means, whilst putting forward my opinion on what I think is happening, in a the most neutral, level headed way I can muster whilst making sure she knows I love her.

That's good news then mate, sorry for jumping the gun! I'm overly suspiscious :)

You just need to keep trying to communicate, give her some space if she is blocking you out but don't apologies for doing nothing wrong!
 
Soldato
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[FnG]magnolia;28191755 said:
Just read some of your posts on this page so sorry if I've missed this but have you tried Counselling? It sounds to me like you're getting pretty close to a situation that might be difficult to recover from, or you or her even want to recover from.

Mags, this has crossed my mind more than a couple of times.. I'm at that stage where I'm embarrassed thinking about the notion of counselling, like I should be able to resolve this together. Much more of this and I may think of that option deeper, primarily for both of us, but if necessary for myself.

Was it one of those thieving little monkey's that live there?

Nah. Last time they jumped into my apartment, they took a 6-pack of breadrolls and ignored the bunch of bananas beside it :)
 
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