The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[Calgar117]

You're better off without the girl you dated and as for your friend I wouldn't ask them for feedback/advice in the future.

Using your ezema against you is cruel, this friend of yours should have defended you.

thing is it is what it is with the ezema which i can understand etc

it was the being made to feel like i was a cheap skate which griped me lol

i guess i know now but yeah i wont be seeing her again.. considering how good everything else went and that was the deciding factor .. personally feel it says a lot about her haha.

like i said though given the chance if i go on a 2nd or even a 3rd date i will offer to pay

i think its just mad that this is somehow fully expected and for girls reflects badly on guys that do offer to go dutch.. equality gone mad i tell ya

 

[xGBHxPegasus]

You're better off without the girl you dated and as for your friend I wouldn't ask them for feedback/advice in the future.

Using your ezema against you is cruel, this friend of yours should have defended you.

This.

If the girl was really interested she wouldn't care about going 50/50. Obviously was in it for a free meal.

 

[arknor]

holy ****

Since I showed the swiss woman photos of my boarding pass and train ticket shes been on teh phone almost constantly.

Literally all day today even when shes just cleaning, cooking whatever she has her video call on :O

Shes became a lot more friendly as well, don't think she believed I was coming

I think we are in love before we meet

Known each other a month and been on the phone for up to and over 5 hours each day

 

[Fuzz]

She's playing the long con right there...
Just you wait. Soon it will be borrowing £20 cos she's a bit skint, next it'll be the air fare ticket.. Then poof.. She'll vanish

 

[arknor]

She's playing the long con right there...
Just you wait. Soon it will be borrowing £20 cos she's a bit skint, next it'll be the air fare ticket.. Then poof.. She'll vanish

I know too much about her for that to be the case and she knows I don't have a very good job anyway.

Her earning potential is greater than mine is
I've saw her linkedin profile etc and she has no filter

 

[krisboats]

Well I took your advice and took the high road.

I told her to delete my number because she's wasting my time.

She then came out with how she doesn't want me to be angry with her and regret my decision. She went on to say how she's wasted 10 years on someone who doesn't love her (this his her ex).

I basically told her that if I was interested in someone I wouldn't have unprotected sex with someone else or sex with anyone for that matter.

Then she asked why I agreed to it initially. Yes at first when we first started seeing each other I agreed we could see other people, but when she stated she had strong feelings for me that agreement comes null and void because I had the same feelings, but you guys are right lucky I found out now than in a full blown relationship "oh sorry I feel on someone sausage and I just happened as distraction".

No it doesn't. Your agreement was to have a casual relationship. You listened to her when she said she really liked you, changed the rules and didn't tell her. I knew a pair of friends who cared for each other greatly, had a spark between them that would fill a room but neither wanted a relationship so kept it casual. If one was busy and the other was horny they'd find someone else on that particular day.

Even in the message i quoted above you don't refer to it as a full blown relationship, yet you feel hard done by.

The way i see it she hasn't done anything wrong at all.

 

[krisboats]

thing is it is what it is with the ezema which i can understand etc

it was the being made to feel like i was a cheap skate which griped me lol

i guess i know now but yeah i wont be seeing her again.. considering how good everything else went and that was the deciding factor .. personally feel it says a lot about her haha.

like i said though given the chance if i go on a 2nd or even a 3rd date i will offer to pay

i think its just mad that this is somehow fully expected and for girls reflects badly on guys that do offer to go dutch.. equality gone mad i tell ya

How old was this girl? Just seems a little immature/bratty to be honest. First dates should always be something cheap/free unless money isn't an issue for you. My last first date was a bike ride through the local country park. The one before that was a walk and a movie at home.

First date, quick cheap activity so you don't invest a lot if it doesn't pan out. Spend 30 minutes or so just talking and seeing if it could go further for you.

Second date, something longer but fairly cheap and relaxed, coffee's or a lunch. An hour or so if you're unsure, longer if it goes well.

Third date can be the more expensive stuff, a fancy meal out or whatever. By then you'll know if you like her enough to mind paying for a meal and by the time the bill comes on date 3 you'll either like her and not mind paying for a lovely evening with someone enjoyable or you'll not be too interested in which case it doesn't matter if she's offended if you suggest to split the bill.

 

[ci_newman]

No it doesn't. Your agreement was to have a casual relationship. You listened to her when she said she really liked you, changed the rules and didn't tell her. I knew a pair of friends who cared for each other greatly, had a spark between them that would fill a room but neither wanted a relationship so kept it casual. If one was busy and the other was horny they'd find someone else on that particular day.

Even in the message i quoted above you don't refer to it as a full blown relationship, yet you feel hard done by.

The way i see it she hasn't done anything wrong at all.

Apart from sleeping around regularly having unprotected sex? The fact that she's caught an STI is perhaps all that needs to be said?

 

[dave1983]

Apart from sleeping around regularly having unprotected sex? The fact that she's caught an STI is perhaps all that needs to be said?

^ this plus the fact she said she wanted a relationship, and because i just separated at the initial point of seeing each other my wounds were fresh, then after regular meet ups and her interest she was holding back because she didnt want to get hurt.

she is used to just getting sex from men and unfortunately unless you like the risks which i dont then she's not relationship material.

 

[krisboats]

Apart from sleeping around regularly having unprotected sex? The fact that she's caught an STI is perhaps all that needs to be said?

Did you miss the part where he agreed to be in a casual relationship? That's what you do.... otherwise you'd be in a serious/monogamous relationship.

Yes at first when we first started seeing each other I agreed we could see other people

In a casual relationship both parties are free to see other people, just he's decided it isn't casual any more and didn't tell her.

 

[Fuzz]

This is a damn good watch in relation to relationships and sexual activity.

 

[dave1983]

well its been an interesting week.

Started chatting to girl on tinder, exchanged numbers but she seems to be rushing waaaay to quickly.

wants a relationship before Christmas, constantly asking how long I was married for, if I want more kids, would I ever reconcile with my ex-wife, she's already calling me in the evenings.

she's alittle overweight but not obese but damn girl talk about running before trying to walk.

she wanted to meet for drinks, now it's changed to going round hers, she's only had 4 guys and she's in her 30's so she felt intimidated by the amount of girls I've had.

we've done some good ole sexting, but she sent the same images over 2 occasions like they have been saved over time which is kind of weird.

I think pasty smash then hitch and run.

 

[ChrisD.]

Why are you even discussing number of partners?

 

[insane200]

She sounds a little desperate, could be a bit of a bunny boiler, i would avoid.

 

[shroomz]

question guys!

so i have found out from a friend, where my date went wrong with this girl, it the date went really well i was a gentleman opened the door was polite ended up in a kiss at the end of the night

anyways she went all sam fisher silent and stopped responding and my thought was if she was interested she will message back.

anyways found out from a friend that i made 2 "rookie errors" i recommended we go dutch at the end of the meal we had and we both did agree on the venue etc before hand, and apprentley because i didnt pay for the meal in full that counted against me bearing in mind this is the first date we had.

and the other which is abit more personal was i was wearing my face fungus though i do always try and keep it neat and tidy but i explained it all before its difficult for me due to my ezema on my face and shaving causes most of my face to flare up etc but apprently she took that as me not making much of an effort..

in any case it is what it is but .. my main gripe was the meal scenarary id have no problem fully wine and dining a girl after a few dates ?

my friend says this isnt the case and it is for the guy to pay for the first few days..

Better off without if she ditched you for something so silly.

 

[dave1983]

Why are you even discussing number of partners?

It's something she asked.

I am not particularly keen on talking about previous relationships on first dates tbh not sure why she asked. She also asked if I would get married again .

She wasn't overly keen of showing any selfies of herself other than the one on tinder, at first I thought maybe she's not who she said's she is.

but I am getting fed up talking about my ex marriage if were going to reconcile.

 

[Adsta]

Maybe it is you ex wife

I've never seen the point in discussing past relationships what so ever in a new one. Why would you want to know how many people they have slept with. Surely none of that matters in an endeavour for a new relationship. You either like each other or you don’t.

 

[The_Abyss]

It's something she asked.

And you gave a truthful answer?!

 

[Hades]

Be honest and politely forthright then and tell her you don't feel comfortable talking about those things early in a new relationship. Be honest and true to yourself.

 

[Hedge]

She sounds mental. Avoid.