Sister emotionally blackmailed away mums pension

[Daftbrown]

Maybe. I have always known what I wanted right from the age of 9. To work with computers. That was always my focus right through childhood. Nothing else mattered.
It was always computers, computers, computers.

I still don't think she knows what she wants to do.

Maybe that is a small part of it.

Even if it were it's no excuse. I don't really know what I would like to do career-wise but I've got jobs and I've kept them. For most of us, that's life. It sounds like your sister is avoiding 'real life', and fairly successfully as your parents have enabled her to, through parental love no doubt.

I've had help from my parents financially but I've only taken what's been offered, not asked. Nonetheless, while I don't regret doing so, it doesn't make me proud. It's also been on the proviso that anything given to me is also given to my only sibling, my sister (and vice-versa). I believe that to be fair and wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm sorry to say this to a stranger on the Internet about his family but your sister appears to be taking the P in the extreme. Almost limitless sponging at the age of 39. Your parents deserve better as to do what they've done thus far they must be caring, decent people.

Get this out in the open. There may well be fallout but you'll know that you were right in principle to do so. Even if the softly softly approach is adopted with your sister she may have confidence / lack of self-esteem / depressive issues that she could seek help for to enable her to focus on building her own self-sufficient life.

Not saying for certain that the softly softly approach is right in this case, but if you're following advice im this thread to the letter, there's only so many kicks in the minge she can take.

 

[rubberduck]

I wonder if she is just using the future child to continue the sponging even further? I bet your parents will be hearing the 'do it for the baby' line until they are blue in the face in the near future. Bless them.

 

[The_Abyss]

And that's different from the present situation how?

At least they'd have control over if/when it gets sold

1. they currently don't pay the mortgage. They would need to by taking it on.

2. how does this magical transaction take place, persuading the greedy needy sister to give up her home ownership?

 

[Haggisman]

1. they currently don't pay the mortgage. They would need to by taking it on.

I dunno, I get the impression that they pretty much do!

2. how does this magical transaction take place, persuading the greedy needy sister to give up her home ownership?

Yes, that of course is the difficult part :/

 

[CREATIVE!11]

Wow, terrible. Don't even know what to say to that really... how can some people be so broken?

Take over your parents finances and tell the leech to sod off.

 

[Deleted member 651465]

It’s clear from your mum’s reaction that you need to go straight to defcon 1.

I’m not one to advocate violence but you need to call them out publicly (ideally when they’re all there and you can give it both barrels), mention the email, kick up a stink about the pension pot and disown your sister. Give the brother a piece of your mind while you’re at it and call them out for being irresponsible wasters.

Now the timing is less than ideal with the passing of a close relative so perhaps don’t do this any time soon but certainly after Christmas.

Shame your sister in to action and be ready to drive a wedge in your family. With a bit of luck you’ll end up with some form of resolution.. that may be your parents growing some back bone (unlikely given the history) or your sister realising that she’s been rumbled.

You say that her pension pot isn’t empty but I’d be livid if my partner had spent all of her pension pot. That’s an entire life’s work erased because of a sponge... livid.

 

[PardonTheWait]

Having read through all this and seen the various replies, it seems to me that this situation is very likely to drive a wedge down the middle of your family regardless of how it turns out.

For me personally I would rather that wedge be driven by me trying to help, than by me ignoring it.

I would go hell for leather on this personally. Get everyone together and call the pair of the on their behaviour - and also your mother. She's doing out of kindness but it is wrong what she's doing regardless of her undoubtedly kind intentions.

I think the worst thing you can do is nothing, and if you do anything at all it's going to cause huge friction and possibly break up the family, so I personally feel you should go all out.

Your sister sounds like the type to say and do anything to fight this - so you should too. If you do this by half measures she will stomp all over you, paint you as the villain, and you run the risk of being effectively out on your ear while she sits their basking in sympathy and presumably more money, so if you're going to bring it up and start something, I would try your best to make sure you see it through even if it gets pretty dire in the meantime. Which it definitely will. It's going to get very ugly for a while but in your shoes I don't think I could stand by and allow it to happen and it doesn't sound like you can either.

Good luck, honestly.

 

[Dirk Diggler]

Your parents have a level of culpability here for enabling this to fester to the level it has. It's all well and good for people to advise you to step in, but just be careful that you don't end up being the one sent to Coventry.

Your parents have already proved beyond any doubt that they'll make an irrational decision when you're sister's tears start to flow.

 

[ExRayTed]

Your parents have a level of culpability here for enabling this to fester to the level it has. It's all well and good for people to advise you to step in, but just be careful that you don't end up being the one sent to Coventry.

Your parents have already proved beyond any doubt that they'll make an irrational decision when you're sister's tears start to flow.

Exactly this. Your parents need to be the ones to sort this out but I fear it's already way too late.

 

[wolfie138]

I wonder if she is just using the future child to continue the sponging even further? I bet your parents will be hearing the 'do it for the baby' line until they are blue in the face in the near future. Bless them.

that's not even a question, given the story so far. you can virtually guarantee it'll be "baby needs a pushchair", "baby neesd clothes" "baby needs a new cot" etc et.

if the house is in your parents' name then at least that's something but it has capital tied up in it. if it were me, i'd want those ***** out and i'd sell up to replace what they'd sponged - i'm assuming though that might be a lot more difficult once her spawn's arrived.

 

[dl8860]

Absolutely seething for you OP. I would call your Dad ASAP and get it all out in the open. It sounds like your Mum is a gentle soul who will do anything to avoid confrontation, which means lying to you about how she'll deal with your sister, and probably saying as little as possible to your Dad. She'll placate both of you for as long as possible, which is ridiculously unfair on your Dad if he's being kept in the dark while money flows out of their account to your mooching scumbag of a sister.

 

[Vonhelmet]

This is a huge mess because you can't really have your parents cut your sister off without cutting their grandchild off. Your sister is old enough to know better, but it's not really fair that the child suffers for her idiocy.

 

[SPG]

The grandchild is no responsibility of the grandparents. Its mother and fathers job, everything else is nice to have.

Your sister needs calling out publicly big time. This needs to be out in the open.

I had a similar situation regarding a family member who is only interested in inheritance, we called her out and instantly what she thought was coming her way got split down even more at the cost of her to everyone else (not a huge sums either)

Do not let her get away with anymore, get your parents to spend everything they have on THEM and the grandchild if they wish. Not your sister (sounds awe-full i know)

 

[bainbridge]

There is no silver bullet for this, any attempt at carefully sorting this will be out-manipulated by your sister who clearly is an expert.

Don't offer a solution, that's for her and your parents to sort out, but when they're all together speak up and get it out in the open. I'd do it this Christmas. There's never a good time so do it asap.

You'll be doing it because it's the right thing to do.

 

[Combat squirrel]

What ?! Cannot believe the OP - lost for words - why has that bitch not been dealt with ?

 

[Orcish-Horde]

Mothers will nearly always be more supportive of daughters than sons, talk to your mum and father, then leave them to get on with it. Your sister will have them turned against you in no time, she will have you down as lining them up for their will.