Feeling in the dumps

[randomshenans]

Talking to people definitely helps, even if at first like you did, it's in here. I know it's hard to speak to your wife (I found it the same to mine when I was struggling) as we seem to be -to shoulder burden and think we as men need to be strong and fix everything, but they are here for us and pride will be anyone's downfall.
Glad you spoke with her, together you're so much stronger than trying to do anything alone.

 

[bledd]

Glad everything is looking back on track.

Good job GD, good job . Your boss sounds like a great guy.

Wishing you and and family a Merry Christmas.

 

[wedrum]

credit to your boss there pal.
glad it looks to be working out now.
as people always say chin up.

 

[Minibiker]

Thank you for all the lovely messages,

I would love it if any of you sent me a trust message with your home address so i can send you a thank you/merry Christmas card.. Thats the least i could do to thank you all

Dont worry I'm not some stalker/weirdo

 

[413x]

It's a sorry state of affairs when people feel so obligated to buy into the commercialisation of Christmas that they will put themselves into dark places over it.

If your wife is a decent person she will und. I told my girlfriend do not buy me anything if you can't. I' m rather her spend time, go for a walk or play a board game.

Sounds like you'e in a dark place. I've been there, and it's a common trait in my family. So I empathise.

See that doctor, don't turn down anything that can help, spend some time sorting out financial stuff, look for another job. Even just having those aims should help. And talk to your wife! One of best things with my gf is I can talk to her and it's one of the biggest differences to my life with my ex and helps keep my head in check.

Also try some free exercise plans. Like running. Or whatever. Exercise probably helps me the most. If I don' fg t gy regregularly enough I can feel the dark thoughts coming back.

Feel free to message if it might help

 

[Minibiker]

So after the last few dark weeks for me, things were looking up. Financially things are great and family wise its perfect i've never been so happy... However, Work is grinding me down, I dread coming here, no one talks to me or acknowledges me, no one appreciates the hard graft i do for the team, and to top it off, While i'm working flat out, they're all stood around chatting...

I've told my manager but nothing gets done, Told the depot manager and he does nothing either I'm in my little office bit sorting out bits for the next few days and all i can hear is childish screaming and making noises you'd make in the bedroom with your Girlfriend/Boyfriend... Makes me wonder why i bother with this place!!!

I've been applying for IT jobs lately but not heard back from any as of yet, Don't know what other career id enjoy. Was thinking of going to the doctors and getting signed off as its really getting to me now.

 

[bakes0310]

So after the last few dark weeks for me, things were looking up. Financially things are great and family wise its perfect i've never been so happy... However, Work is grinding me down, I dread coming here, no one talks to me or acknowledges me, no one appreciates the hard graft i do for the team, and to top it off, While i'm working flat out, they're all stood around chatting...

I've told my manager but nothing gets done, Told the depot manager and he does nothing either I'm in my little office bit sorting out bits for the next few days and all i can hear is childish screaming and making noises you'd make in the bedroom with your Girlfriend/Boyfriend... Makes me wonder why i bother with this place!!!

I've been applying for IT jobs lately but not heard back from any as of yet, Don't know what other career id enjoy. Was thinking of going to the doctors and getting signed off as its really getting to me now.

Get yourself signed off and find another job. There's some excellent it gurus here who can recommend some free it courses to look at I'm sure.

 

[Minibiker]

Get yourself signed off and find another job. There's some excellent it gurus here who can recommend some free it courses to look at I'm sure.

Exactly what i had in mind, It would be a great help if someone could point me in the right direction please, Ill do pretty much anything to get into IT

 

[VincentHanna]

If everyone is chatting/socialising whilst you are working your nuts off, either join in the conversation or don't do any work

Either way, someone above will soon realise nothing is getting done.

 

[Minibiker]

If everyone is chatting/socialising whilst you are working your nuts off, either join in the conversation or don't do any work

Either way, someone above will soon realise nothing is getting done.

Very true, I dont know why but i just cant stop working, Im a grafter, Must follow after my old man

 

[Rroff]

If everyone is chatting/socialising whilst you are working your nuts off, either join in the conversation or don't do any work

Either way, someone above will soon realise nothing is getting done.

Easier said than done sometimes - personally it isn't in my nature to be idle when there is actual work to be done.

 

[Ayahuasca]

Don't get hung up on being liked at work, particularly by people it sounds like you won't even get on with anyway, I've seen the type many a time who like to run their mouths all day, seems to be a mechanism of getting pally with everyone to cover up a lack of work or disinterest in it. I know everyone is different but if I keep taking my focus away from the task I end up making mistakes or find it difficult to get back on track, the only issue is you become almost robotic in nature and can end up with an ever-increasing workload.

 

[VincentHanna]

Re: the signed off by work thing.

I mean, if you work for a big company or government who can afford it, then by all means do it. As a boss of a very small company it would cripple me though, so why not say to someone higher up "Here are my issues, and if x and y don't change I'll have to get signed off by the doctor"

They can't sack you up front for being honest.

 

[Minibiker]

As a thank you to you all, heres a few pictures of my little man happy with what santa gave him

https://imgur.com/a/qmpLd

Thank you for all your support and advice, i feel so much better/happier now... You lot are amazing people

 

[Rifte]

They can't sack you up front for being honest.

Agreed, unless the absence moves into long term.

An employee of mine was off long term sick with depression due to a number of horrific circumstances (one of them being the fact that she can home 8 months previously and walked into her husband hanging by his neck from the stair rail upstairs....suicide).

Despite her running out of sick pay etc she was still off work. We sent a number of our own doctors around there to assess her and they all came back with the same conclusion.....she was depressed. They did recommend 6 months in to a gradual return to work program on restrictive duties. She felt that she was unable to do this. The company's route then went down the route that they had done everything they could to help and support her back to work, nothing more could be done and she was failing to meet the requirements of her contract.

Employment terminated.

One of the ******** things that I have ever done, but it got to the stage that despite my seniority in the company my influence and ability to mitigate was railroaded by HR .

 

[Minibiker]

Another Update:

Things were on the up for me, I sorted out finances, Spoke to Housing about the noisy neighbours and had a lovely Christmas with my little family...

This is now going downhill again, Were experiencing more issues with the neighbour and have logged the issues, sent them to the housing place but even though we raised a ASBO against them they still don't seem to care..

Me and the missus had a falling out over Christmas and she said a few things that quite upset me but after a little chat were on track again... I seem to be getting depressed again but if i get signed off i wont get paid full wage and im the only one with money coming in...

I really dont know what to do Kind of giving up with my life now it never seems to stay good for me

 

[Ayahuasca]

Life doesn’t just stay good, you need to work for what you want and I don’t just mean career wise, many of us have daily struggles but you really just need to keep pushing on and setting goals that will slowly get you where you want to be.

It sounds like you really need to get out of that job of yours but I’d advise sticking it out until you find another as having less money on the sick or quitting altogether is going to make for a hellish existence and one in which finding employment will likely get more and more difficult.

I know last time you said you couldn’t speak to your wife but you did and she was good about it but I wouldn’t make it a regular occurrence to bring up the same issues with her, it sounds horrible but nobody likes hearing the same story from someone if they aren’t seeing anything in them that’s going to make a change. If the issues are financial for example she might feel like you’re pressuring her to find employment, which I’m guessing due to your young son isn’t viable for her at the moment.

 

[VincentHanna]

Without wanting to pry, what things were said by your wife?

Could it be that you just can't handle simple critism and over-react?

Getting signed off isn't going to do you or your work any favours. It's still going to be there to have to go back to eventually and like you say, you wouldn't probably have enough to live on.

Do look at getting another job whilst you are working though. Have you tried agencies?

 

[Minibiker]

Without wanting to pry, what things were said by your wife?

Could it be that you just can't handle simple critism and over-react?

Getting signed off isn't going to do you or your work any favours. It's still going to be there to have to go back to eventually and like you say, you wouldn't probably have enough to live on.

Do look at getting another job whilst you are working though. Have you tried agencies?

Well we started having a little argument and i said, 'do you not appreciate the fact i get up at 1am and work 10 hours each day to pay the bills and rent for you to stay here' to which her reply was 'i could do that without you anyway so it doesnt matter' then just digs saying im lazy and dont help her... (because shes pregnant) she clearly shuts her eyes when im around, I get in from work, Eat me tea, wash all the bits up and sterilise any bottles and then sit down before going to bed for 4 hours and getting up again.. But im not finished there, ill help fold washing, Put washing on airer etc... On fridays i stay up all day and do bits around the gaff like hoover and wash up.. What does she expect me to do...

With work i know im better off staying put for now its just very stressful, Ive been applying for many IT roles as thats my ambition

 

[Ayahuasca]

Her response was awful but the way you brought it up I can’t say I’m surprised, any woman you have children with has that expectation for you to provide and not make a big deal out of it, particularly when the children are still young or in this case where she’s pregnant and hormones will be all over the shop.

The more you do the more she’s going to expect, and living on 4 hours sleep is going to slowly do you in so you need to get that sorted sharpish, yeah some can survive on that amount of hours but it’s far from optimal for keeping a good frame of mind and not snapping.