Soldato
Who wears the trousers in your household ?
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Man of Honour
WTF you on about, I'M ALWAYS DEFENSIVE?
Where did you make that crap up?
She earns about £2,000 more than me.
My views are based on that you get married and you pool your money together, there is none of this my money and your money.
That's me being defensive.
After 37 years of marriage, I suppose I would agree with you. Your lives would be so entwined that there's no point having separate finances. Although saying that, my parents have been married since 1979 and they still keep separate finances. Works for them.
I'd never ever share finances with a partner. In the past I've always been pushed for shared finances by women with nothing to lose and everything to gain. My current partner sees this the same way too.
We're both strong willed and both respectful of each others feelings, I'd say I probably acquiesce to her more than her to me, bur it's close.
We share our finances but have our own incomes and bank accounts, we buy whatever we want but put money into the pot for home improvements and bills.
We share our finances but have our own incomes and bank accounts, we buy whatever we want but put money into the pot for home improvements and bills.
I’m probably going way out on a limb here, but reading that makes me feel very sorry for you.
No doubt you won’t give a flying you know what for what I feel, and that’s your prerogative, but
I just think that it is sad to end up feeling that you wouldn’t trust a woman enough to share finances.
I understand. And you're right, it matters nothing to me. But practically speaking, it really makes no difference apart from some sort of emotional symbolism. Unfortunately it's been my observations that were emotions comes into play, reason and common sense tends to take a backseat.
It can be made to work in a 100 different ways. I'd like to think the girlfriend and I will be together forever but I'm also pragmatic. Therefore we've decided beforehand to keep money matters separate so there's no web to untangle should the unfortunate ever happens.
Soldato
I'm the Boss in this household and I have the Missus's permission to say so !
I think this is the wiser approach. When you have a mortgage, bills etc a joint account is very useful though. We pay into this and extra for improving the house, and I think this is a fair approach.
Would you ever consider doing the same?
No. I still don't see an actual benefit to having your finances shared other than symbolism. I've not heard one factual argument/debate other than emotional fluff 'you don't have faith in your relationship', etc etc. Unless it's factual and reasoned, it's all background noise to me.
Unless there's only one income. Then it's probably different. Although I've never had that experience so I can't comment on that. That's not something I've reasoned through yet.
A shared house account where you both deposit whatever previously agreed into every month and that pays for the mortgage, improvements or whatever else you deem important.
Not that she ever would, but I would hate for the girlfriend to ask me whether it's fine by me to buy a trinket of some sort only because we now have a shared account. I would envision a lot of financial arguments are had due to one person spending more than the other from a shared account. Or at least some unspoken resentment. I hear that quite often from my peers.
We split 50-50, money to a shared account that she pays all our costs out of. The transfer (from my end at least) is done automatically the 20th of each month. I never have to think about it. All my finances are automated as my expenses are predictable to within the dollar. My money fires to different investment accounts, shares accounts, etc the same date every month. She hates automatic payments and prefer busting her hump doing manual payments. Right there we would have a problem. She likes to have (literal) fingertip controls of her money, I don't. I know what my money is doing, I keep an iron-tight leash on my spending. I don't have to keep checking.
Occasionally we'll be short on the house account due to larger or different food purchases, and these are discussed prior. It's never ever an issue as we're both extremely logical and pragmatic and understand these things happen from time to time. We'll just go easier on food shopping for a few weeks and claw it back.
If it ever goes pear-shaped, we'll split whatever is in the house account (never more than 2.3k as that's our outgoings each month) and each go our merry way. No fuss, no drama. Hell, could even say that we should break up the 18th of any given month as the account would be empty and we wouldn't even have to split anything
Two and a half years together and not a single money argument ever. So yea, we're not going to mess with a system that works flawlessly because, you know, ' others' feelings and emotions'.
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Maybe. Not considered that before. My two closest friends at work both fall into the category of asking 'the boss' before taking a leak. Both work highly stressful jobs but equally well paid, yet last year both almost got kicked out of their own homes by their unemployed wives for working crazy hours and not being around much. Simon (my mate) would work 15 hour days and be forced to sleep on the couch as 'punishment' for being late. It really is all quite pathetic.
They're in that horrible place where they both have young families, insane mortgages on McMansions, heaps of baubles and trinket keep them in highly stressful jobs they can't even consider leaving (unless severely downsizing - don't know if 'the boss' would allow that one anyway) due to lifestyle creep. So they do the healthy thing and eat junk food and drink too much during work events
Yet guys like me often take heat for trying to be sensible with finances, relationship boundaries and frugality.
Agreed, but I’d also add that men who put women under their thumb are also pathetic.
We have a joint relationship, we share money and discuss major purchases before we buy them. I don’t tell her what to do, she doesn’t tell me what to do either.
Both of us make similar amounts of money, most of hers goes on the mortgage and bills, most of mine goes on “play” money so it makes sense.
Edit: We still have separate accounts that our salaries go into and we spend from, but the GF tops up the house account and pay for the fun stuff.
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Caporegime
We have a shared account, but we also have our own accounts for spending money. So everything goes in to the joint account, then we each get the same amount back to our own personal account. I’ve always earned more than my wife, and often twice as much, but I get the same amount of spending money. Big deal. After all, one of the marriage vows is “all that I have I share with you”. There are no arguments and no one overspends because we only have our own spending money to overspend and no one abuses the joint account.
But hey, my point in this argument is always that you do what works for you. If you’re both happy with whatever financial arrangement you come to. The key is to make those arrangements before the time comes for them to be put to the test. You don’t want to spend all “your” money only to find that your partner doesn’t perceive it to be “your” money at all.
We share our money, pay bills from a joint account and make most decisions* together which just seems......normal to me.
The bills are paid, savings are put away then we divide the remaining out and do what we want with it - sometimes that means doing our own specific things other times it will be sharing the money unequally for whatever reason
Can't personally understand why anyone in a long term relationship would act like each had they're own specific earning pot or make decisions that impact both of you in isolation.
Otherwise what would happen if one needs to work less hours to suit childcare etc - do you start attemoting to pro rata earnings then deduct a portion of equivalent childcare costs from the full time wage? It's a nonsense
*By most I mean I do what I'm told the majority of the time unless I want a new car or some sort of guitar or pc upgrade. Even then unless it was a fairly nominal sum of money I wouldn't actually do anything without telling her
The bills are paid, savings are put away then we divide the remaining out and do what we want with it - sometimes that means doing our own specific things other times it will be sharing the money unequally for whatever reason
Can't personally understand why anyone in a long term relationship would act like each had they're own specific earning pot or make decisions that impact both of you in isolation.
Otherwise what would happen if one needs to work less hours to suit childcare etc - do you start attemoting to pro rata earnings then deduct a portion of equivalent childcare costs from the full time wage? It's a nonsense
*By most I mean I do what I'm told the majority of the time unless I want a new car or some sort of guitar or pc upgrade. Even then unless it was a fairly nominal sum of money I wouldn't actually do anything without telling her
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You were defensive about this topic before, you've called people pathetic because they have a different financial agreement in their relationships to you. I'd say that's defensive considering it's a fairly inane subjective topic. You're angry now and I'm not sure why. It seems like a topic where you could simply agree to disagree without needing to aggressively suggest one way is right and one is wrong, each to their own surely
This boils down to how you have been brought up. I have the opposite view perhaps because of my parents.
My parents have never shared finances and they have been married longer than you, it has never been a problem for them to my knowledge. Why would my mother even wish to be a part of my fathers investment accounts and no doubt complicated financial situation, whatever those arrangements may be? She wouldn't gain anything from it, wouldn't understand how it is all managed, and would hardly be in a position to comment on how they could be better managed?
I do the same, we have a joint credit card just as my parents do. I clear that and she uses it which gives her as much access to anything that she could want. That is as shared as it ever needs to be for me.
Associate
I'm the man in our house take it from me, however if anyone needs to know what's going on, I delegate that to Mrs hondo
Soldato
Joint account for bills and couple spends but my own account for my stupid purchases.
We did a financial spreadsheet yesterday and it made me realise who much worse I am with money than my GF. Its time I stopped buying so many gadgets and took a leaf out of her book.
We did a financial spreadsheet yesterday and it made me realise who much worse I am with money than my GF. Its time I stopped buying so many gadgets and took a leaf out of her book.
Man of Honour
I've also used the word 'pathetic' in this thread because that's how I feel but you haven't come to my rescue against those who find me stupid for sharing our money.
It seems it's OK to have a go at the couples who share but if you have your own finances that's how it should be and they are free to insult us.
That's why I'm defensive because it's a one way street where I'm in the wrong for giving up my wages every week.
Soldato
As the sole breadwinner all my married life (coming up to 31 years) my Missus takes care of the finances and gives me my £2 a week pocket money (It's actually £70).
Just as well too as if I were in control then I know we'd be destitute.
We'd have a lot of fun though but nevertheless... SKINT !
Why would I want to puggle my brain with Council Tax, Water, Gas, Leccy bills etc.
I power the ship.... She steers it !
Just as well too as if I were in control then I know we'd be destitute.
We'd have a lot of fun though but nevertheless... SKINT !
Why would I want to puggle my brain with Council Tax, Water, Gas, Leccy bills etc.
I power the ship.... She steers it !