The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Soldato
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Experienced something new tonight, a girl that won't even kiss on the first date!

Usually that would be a sign they aren't interested, but other than that it went great and she asked me out on another date too.

Not going to lie.. the fact she's making me work for it is making me want it more. Maybe that was the plan :D
 
Soldato
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A friend of mine told me a story the other day that was pretty tragic. One of her mates is "dating" a married man. This guy has two kids, one being only 4 months old. He and his wife have been together for a decade, married two years. The wife doesn't know about the affair, and is presently full-steam ahead sorting Christmas for them all. She has posted a load of pictures on Facebook recenty; presents, decorations, kids having fun etc, yet is totally oblivious to what's going on. The girl he is cheating on his wife with is a cocaine addict with prolific history of sleeping around. I admit I don't know what happens behind closed doors, but why any man (or woman) would destroy a family, boggles the mind. As does why any woman would want to get involved with someone who is married. Crazy world.

Because they have low self esteem.
 
Caporegime
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Sometimes people get married who aren't very sexually compatible or one of them gets bored with it and doesn't put out after a few years. It's no reason to ruin a marriage and potentially your family but I can sort of see why it happens. Let's not forget that lots of humans engage in self-destructive behaviours on a daily basis.
 
Associate
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Experienced something new tonight, a girl that won't even kiss on the first date!

Usually that would be a sign they aren't interested, but other than that it went great and she asked me out on another date too.

Not going to lie.. the fact she's making me work for it is making me want it more. Maybe that was the plan :D
Funnily enough, I was having that discussion with someone recently. I was saying I’m hoping that’s how it goes when I start dating again - what made dating so exciting when I was a teenager was the knowledge that you might get a proper snog on your second date, cop a feel or maybe get a handy the following week and so on and so forth. Point being, sex was something special you worked towards over several dates/weeks and by the time you got it you were absolutely gagging for it.

That said, I’m probably being massively nostalgic or maybe even naive - last time I dated was over 26 years ago!
 
Caporegime
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Funnily enough, I was having that discussion with someone recently. I was saying I’m hoping that’s how it goes when I start dating again - what made dating so exciting when I was a teenager was the knowledge that you might get a proper snog on your second date, cop a feel or maybe get a handy the following week and so on and so forth. Point being, sex was something special you worked towards over several dates/weeks and by the time you got it you were absolutely gagging for it.

That said, I’m probably being massively nostalgic or maybe even naive - last time I dated was over 26 years ago!

Im 33 and agree with you. Something a bit devaluing if girl wants to put out on 1st date. To me subconsciously tells me I'm not special and this one isn't a keeper.
 
Caporegime
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Im 33 and agree with you. Something a bit devaluing if girl wants to put out on 1st date. To me subconsciously tells me I'm not special and this one isn't a keeper.

Personally I think how soon a person, regardless of gender, puts out is none of my damn business (provided they are having safe sex). Sexual equality for all, I have no right to judge. :D
 
Associate
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Anyone here ever felt like they could't do another relationship due to the pain of a previous relationship? After breaking up with my ex of almost 4 years, I have lost track of how long it has been, but I am still finding it so hard. I can not even fathom the thought of dating someone else at this point, any advice guys? Not sure how to get out of this slump.
 
Soldato
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Anyone here ever felt like they could't do another relationship due to the pain of a previous relationship? After breaking up with my ex of almost 4 years, I have lost track of how long it has been, but I am still finding it so hard. I can not even fathom the thought of dating someone else at this point, any advice guys? Not sure how to get out of this slump.
A man cannot think himself out of mental evil; for it is actually the organ of thought that has become diseased, ungovernable, and, as it were, independent. He can only be saved by will or faith.

You have to have the will to make your life better or the faith that it will get better, preferably both. Thinking about how to get over it will not get you over it. Mull on those words.
 
Soldato
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Not here
Im 33 and agree with you. Something a bit devaluing if girl wants to put out on 1st date. To me subconsciously tells me I'm not special and this one isn't a keeper.

If there is a sexual connection when why waste time? Especially in our 30's, we may be young but we are not THAT young.
 

A2Z

A2Z

Soldato
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If there is a sexual connection when why waste time? Especially in our 30's, we may be young but we are not THAT young.
Because some women actually value themselves and don't just let anyone get access between their legs.

In my previous relationships it was always at least kiss on 1st date, sleep together within the next week or 2 max, normally less. They all ended for some reason, says something...

Current girlfriend was completely different, took a lot longer to get to those stages. At first I was surprised and had the same mindset as you 'if it's going to happen anyway then what's the point waiting'. After some thought I realised how lucky I am, the number of people she has been with you can count on one hand, so to actually be working towards that physical stage means I must mean something to her.

Happy to say she's the 3rd person I've fallen in love with but the 1st I actually want to marry and have kids etc. Oh and the wait was definitely worth it, best I've ever had. :cool:
 
Soldato
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Lol at the double standards. Just because a woman wanted to sleep with you, it doesn't mean you have to, you man-*****! Maybe when you put out on a first date, they are thinking what a horn-dog you are who will sleep with anyone straight away. Maybe it doesn't make them feel special either?

Fact is that it's different for everyone. For some people it's fine to have sex on the first date, for others they like the chase and the reassurance of getting to know someone before jumping into bed with them. Most people, men and women, are neither saints nor whores, but somewhere in between, and sometimes both. It's okay to be you regardless.
 
Caporegime
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Because some women actually value themselves and don't just let anyone get access between their legs.

In my previous relationships it was always at least kiss on 1st date, sleep together within the next week or 2 max, normally less. They all ended for some reason, says something...

Current girlfriend was completely different, took a lot longer to get to those stages. At first I was surprised and had the same mindset as you 'if it's going to happen anyway then what's the point waiting'. After some thought I realised how lucky I am, the number of people she has been with you can count on one hand, so to actually be working towards that physical stage means I must mean something to her.

Happy to say she's the 3rd person I've fallen in love with but the 1st I actually want to marry and have kids etc. Oh and the wait was definitely worth it, best I've ever had. :cool:
This for me.

No wrong and right obviously!
 
Caporegime
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Conversation came up at work the other week and I was quite surprised, men calling women who sleep around mattress backs and they wouldn’t be with their current partners if they’d slept with anywhere near the same amount of people they had. The classic master key and lock line came up as well :D
 
Soldato
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Conversation came up at work the other week and I was quite surprised, men calling women who sleep around mattress backs and they wouldn’t be with their current partners if they’d slept with anywhere near the same amount of people they had. The classic master key and lock line came up as well :D

The first sentence hurt my brain..
 
Soldato
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It’s a double standard of sorts but I doubt one that will go away for most normal people, men and women are just different and look for different aspects when selecting a mate.

It’s very easy for a woman to get sex if that’s all they’re after compared to a man, almost any of them could go out every night and sleep with someone new if they chose. Not many men could say the same.

I think most men have the view of its fine to shag the town bike but a very different thing to commit to them long term.
 
Caporegime
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Oh yeah totally. If you're a girl and have zero standards you could literally get sex every time you are out.
But may as well charge if you you are like that.
 
Soldato
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Because some women actually value themselves and don't just let anyone get access between their legs.

Your sole basis of that is because they waited with you? Women are more inclined to take things slowly with Men they want a relationship with so he doesn't think they're easy or whatever, it doesn't mean they haven't slept with a lot of Men on nights out or on first dates. Jesus how naive can people be.
 
Soldato
Joined
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Walked out in the middle of the night bags packed to a devastated fiancee. Not sure what I'm feeling, regret, numb, has this really happened. Not gonna sleep not sure if I've been a total idiot. She's texting me now saying she still loves me and wants me back.

Merry Christmas.

If any of your are about I would appreciate some wisdom right now.
 
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