The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Soldato
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14 Aug 2018
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It's not personality changes really, sorry didn't explain anything. Just other issues that needs to be sorted or halfway to make things work. Which although hard got to happen.
I hope things have settled down and been sorted out. Though eventual marriage is not a thing to be gone into unless you are absolutely sure; you could still end up being wrong but if you go into it with 'major' issues then they often tend to worsen as time goes on.
 
Soldato
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So I've been kind of seeing someone for a few weeks, been on a few dates etc. Do I get her a small Christmas present or is that too early?? I've had some say get something and others say don't! Can't decide...
 
Soldato
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So I've been kind of seeing someone for a few weeks, been on a few dates etc. Do I get her a small Christmas present or is that too early?? I've had some say get something and others say don't! Can't decide...

Absolutely get her a present, just make sure it's funny or a sex toy, or a funny sex toy
 
Permabanned
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So I've been kind of seeing someone for a few weeks, been on a few dates etc. Do I get her a small Christmas present or is that too early?? I've had some say get something and others say don't! Can't decide...

A handful of dates? Not a proper one IMO. Maybe something extremely small like a nice chocolate bar/box or something equally as trivial. Anything more and you start to look like a "chaser" and a little desperate too soon.

Easy enough to test the water with humour anyway...

"So listen wee hen, I've got some fishnets and Rhubarb lined up for your Christmas, what you getting me?" or some other silly tester.

Presents are a little irrelevant anyway, they mean more to women in terms of giving to others, than they do to any of us guys.

I'd rather not get anything at all at Christmas, the company of your other half is enough, and this should be a more popular sentiment that it currently is.
 
Soldato
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6,358
Has anyone ever been in this situation?

been seeing a girl for over a year now..been going out a lot together places and got really close,she has feelings for me and so do i for her we have talked about this and she also says she loves me and the same back,BUT even though we aint "Officially" a couple because she wanted to see how it "works out" when people associate us together as a couple shes messaging me saying people assume were a couple,And then im thinking does she not want people to assume that then?

I've asked her that,Do you not want people to assume were together then,And she skipped answering the question which was really annoying..should i just not bother pursuing anymore?
 
Soldato
Joined
25 Aug 2006
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6,339
Has anyone ever been in this situation?

been seeing a girl for over a year now..been going out a lot together places and got really close,she has feelings for me and so do i for her we have talked about this and she also says she loves me and the same back,BUT even though we aint "Officially" a couple because she wanted to see how it "works out" when people associate us together as a couple shes messaging me saying people assume were a couple,And then im thinking does she not want people to assume that then?

I've asked her that,Do you not want people to assume were together then,And she skipped answering the question which was really annoying..should i just not bother pursuing anymore?

A year together and you aren't 'officially' a couple or she does not acknowledge you are together to other people? Sounds like you are a side chick or you are the safe bet until someone better comes along - ie keeping her options open.

 
Soldato
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Not here
Has anyone ever been in this situation?

been seeing a girl for over a year now..been going out a lot together places and got really close,she has feelings for me and so do i for her we have talked about this and she also says she loves me and the same back,BUT even though we aint "Officially" a couple because she wanted to see how it "works out" when people associate us together as a couple shes messaging me saying people assume were a couple,And then im thinking does she not want people to assume that then?

I've asked her that,Do you not want people to assume were together then,And she skipped answering the question which was really annoying..should i just not bother pursuing anymore?

Sounds like she waiting for someone better or has someone else in mind.

Either way, she's wasting your time.
 
Caporegime
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Essex
Has anyone ever been in this situation?

been seeing a girl for over a year now..been going out a lot together places and got really close,she has feelings for me and so do i for her we have talked about this and she also says she loves me and the same back,BUT even though we aint "Officially" a couple because she wanted to see how it "works out" when people associate us together as a couple shes messaging me saying people assume were a couple,And then im thinking does she not want people to assume that then?

I've asked her that,Do you not want people to assume were together then,And she skipped answering the question which was really annoying..should i just not bother pursuing anymore?

She's monkey branching.
 
Man of Honour
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It sounds like she's mentioning it to remind you that you aren't a couple. As above it feels like she's keeping you as a safe bet until she finds someone she's more interested in. If it were me I'd sit down and talk to her about it. There is no point treading too delicately. You have to be clear in what you want in a relationship. That applies to both parties. Otherwise she's just wasting your time.
 
Soldato
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Devils advocate. If you aren’t a couple I would take that as you are not exclusive, if you are not so bothered about this girl continue to smash while looking elsewhere. If you have feelings for her then best confront as sounds like you are a backup but probably won’t get the answer you are after.
 
Associate
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https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/50bf662a-c48c-4201-b2de-c575b14f6645

Thought this may be worth a read for those dating.
Reading through it, it essential came across as a load of nonsense as the way it's been written no one should be allowed to have preferences when choosing who they would want to date.

It's a very, simplistic, scratch the surface article which leans towards dating sites / apps are racist :rolleyes:

Anyone come across this in their dating lives before?

oh my god thats so anger inducing.
I have been on dating sites on and off for a decade.

The BBC spin it to make it look like it only happens to women.

TRUST ME.
The AMOUNT of womens profiles I've seen over a decade saying 'Only black/mixed race men please' and I would think 'If I did that but for black women I'd probably be labeled as racist' then what do ya know 5 years later the BBC are saying just that LMAO.

BBC are so out of touch with reality.
 
Man of Honour
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Surrey
oh my god thats so anger inducing.
I have been on dating sites on and off for a decade.

The BBC spin it to make it look like it only happens to women.

TRUST ME.
The AMOUNT of womens profiles I've seen over a decade saying 'Only black/mixed race men please' and I would think 'If I did that but for black women I'd probably be labeled as racist' then what do ya know 5 years later the BBC are saying just that LMAO.

BBC are so out of touch with reality.
It's just the start. Once it's deemed racist to be attracted to a certain type then they will start on people fat shaming if they won't date a 16 stone whale with no self control.
 
Permabanned
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What is annoying is that the whales are taught to "love themselves for who they are", and "body positivity", and "you can be beautiful at any size" etc etc etc ... et. al

Heaven forbid any obese whales actually lose weight and become attractive.
 
Associate
Joined
19 Oct 2002
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1,446
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Highbridge
Has anyone ever been in this situation?

been seeing a girl for over a year now..been going out a lot together places and got really close,she has feelings for me and so do i for her we have talked about this and she also says she loves me and the same back,BUT even though we aint "Officially" a couple because she wanted to see how it "works out" when people associate us together as a couple shes messaging me saying people assume were a couple,And then im thinking does she not want people to assume that then?

I've asked her that,Do you not want people to assume were together then,And she skipped answering the question which was really annoying..should i just not bother pursuing anymore?

Been in that situation myself. 12 months is enough to see if it's working out, so either you're a couple or you are not. With hindsight having been in that position before I would force the issue either way. She's either bothered or she's not IMHO.
 
Soldato
Joined
10 May 2012
Posts
10,054
Location
Leeds
Has anyone ever been in this situation?

been seeing a girl for over a year now..been going out a lot together places and got really close,she has feelings for me and so do i for her we have talked about this and she also says she loves me and the same back,BUT even though we aint "Officially" a couple because she wanted to see how it "works out" when people associate us together as a couple shes messaging me saying people assume were a couple,And then im thinking does she not want people to assume that then?

I've asked her that,Do you not want people to assume were together then,And she skipped answering the question which was really annoying..should i just not bother pursuing anymore?

Do you have so little value for yourself that you're willing to continue seeing a girl who is seemingly too embarrassed to be in a public relationship with you?

Do you expect a woman to be attracted to a man who values himself so little that he's willing to continue seeing her while she won't even be public with their relationship?

Perhaps you should start putting in the same level of care into the relationship that she is. Here's a good bit of advice, don't make anyone your priority if you aren't their priority. That goes for jobs, friends, women and family alike. Conversely, if you are someone's priority, be loyal and make them your priority.
 
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