you didn't ask the father did you?

DJ85 · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:02

Yes I asked as we had a few beers! Probably harder than asking my wife when I got to the point......no it wasn’t it took 4 attempts on holiday! Not good at public things!

Yaayuh! · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:02

Old strange tradition, something I would consider disrespectful to your spouse-to-be more than anything else.

Burnsy2023 · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:07

Rossi~ said:
Old strange tradition, something I would consider disrespectful to your spouse-to-be more than anything else.

Yeah, that's my take. The only person who is part of the decision is the potential fiancee. I think it's disrespectful to put anyone else in the equation.

something daft already!! · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:11

CircleFaust said:
the thought of it makes my skin crawl
an awkward and embarrassing tradition in this day and age if you ask me

why would you feel disrespected as a father out of interest ? just because of the tradition

Yes

PlacidCasual · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:12

No I didn't. We'd lived together for 7 years had kids owned a house together and had been a couple for 9 years. Seemed a bit redundant asking her dad at that point.
Very small wedding, 11 of us in total including the kids. Really nice and hassle free.

Mason- · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:12

Ayahuasca said:
Easier and cheaper just knocking him out to assert dominance.

If (probably when tbh) I were to propose at some point, I would ask both of her parents first. For two reasons, one I'm old fashioned and two I know her parents would appreciate it.

Ekim · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:16

I didn't bother asking my FIL, didn't think it was necessary as it wasn't a decision for him to make. Think it is a bit of an old fashioned tradition now and wouldn't be surprised to see it falling by the wayside in the next few years. I certainly wouldn't expect my daughters partner to ask me in the future (she is only 19 months old so a way off yet!)

cheesyboy · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:17

I didn't and wouldn't. She's not his property.

He didn't mind at all.

CircleFaust · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:19

Housey said:
I told, I didn't ask.

i think if i have to do it it would be this
pop round and say i'm going to ask X to marry me, just letting you know

Kreeeee · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:20

Karl · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:23

I didn't. He didn't mind.

Housey · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:26

CircleFaust said:
i think if i have to do it it would be this
pop round and say i'm going to ask X to marry me, just letting you know

In my situation my then girlfriends father had been a bit of a tough task master with previous boyfriends, who seemed to have been trodden over a bit. I tend to be a typical alpha male and back then was tall and very fit so carried that extra 'presence' I guess....and I also had a 1.6L company Cavalier, so was able to show I was MASSIVELY successful. It was simply me doing the Scum thing... "I'm the daddy now"

He probably will have a different view so don't tell him or he might smash me face in

FortuitousFluke · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:29

I asked because it's what she would have wanted me to do, I would have told him before hand anyway as a mark of respect I think. His response was "Well you were going to get around to it at some point weren't you?" so I don't think he was overly bothered

.

doodah · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:30

Yup, asked her mum. I took a good hour of waffle before broaching the subject due to nerves, and apparently she even prompted me but went over my head.

Pudney · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:33

Rossi~ said:
Old strange tradition, something I would consider disrespectful to your spouse-to-be more than anything else.

Burnsy2023 said:
Yeah, that's my take. The only person who is part of the decision is the potential fiancee. I think it's disrespectful to put anyone else in the equation.

This is my view as well if I ever decide to ask the question.

Dis86 · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:34

CircleFaust said:
getting engaged , did you tell them you were going to ask your daughter to marry beforehand?
surely not needed these days...

Didn't tell, asked.

Craig R · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:35

I wouldn't ask. It's 2019 and his daughter is not his possession. It's her decision and hers alone, her father has no place denying or allowing her hand in marriage.

NMBlack · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:42

No, I didn't ask him...my wife is perfectly capable of making her own decisions and she isn't her father's property. My father-in-law never complained about not being asked. My wife and I are celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary this Summer, so it's not been an issue.

Janesy B · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:42

What are you going to do if he says no?

datalol-jack · 4 Jan 2019 at 15:46

Janesy B said:
What are you going to do if he says no?

Go for (prospective) mother in law? Two birds with one stone, so to speak.