That would be very odd.
Mums Funeral - Never attended a funeral
- Thread starter snappyfish
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That would be very odd.
Not really, seen many people wear black suits in all types of environments.
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OP, wear whatever you feel comfortable in unless your mum had any wishes. When my mother passed I didn't own a suit. I'm comfortable in shirt and trousers though so wore black trousers and white shirt with a darkish coloured tie. My dad didn't own a black suit either, he wore a tweed colour suit. My mum had always said she wasn't massive on black too though. Cancer got her so we had time to discuss these things.
Sorry for your loss. You'll make the right decision whatever it is as there isn't a wrong decision in my opinion.
Sorry for your loss. You'll make the right decision whatever it is as there isn't a wrong decision in my opinion.
Well this isn't really the thread to squabble over it - I'd suggest perhaps reading a style forum or something, it is a bit odd. (You're quite possibly getting mistaken with a dark grey suit.) Either way there isn't much to discuss here and I don't really want to go off topic in a thread like this.
A dark suit and a black tie. Black shoes. White or pale shirt, dark socks. Dark overcoat and hat if it's cold.
Remember that a funeral is more for the living than the dead. It's there to provide closure. It's also an opportunity for a family gathering, and it is to them that you must show your respect to your mother.
Soldato
thanks for all comments so far. On speaking to my sister, my Dad who is Mums ex-husband and they got on well after the break up many years ago, it seems we are not having a dress code. We have spoken and agreed Mum would like us to just be comfortable.
So I am thinking dark crew neck jumper, shirt, black trousers/chinos, and my very dark brown chukka boots.
Seen this image below on this page, and made me feel a little better.
So I am thinking dark crew neck jumper, shirt, black trousers/chinos, and my very dark brown chukka boots.
Seen this image below on this page, and made me feel a little better.
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Soldato
Very sorry for your loss. Sad time for you and family.
Look, do your mum proud. Wear a nice black suit and tie. Its you mum so maximum effort mate. Unless whole family decide on a different dress code.
Thoughts are with you
Look, do your mum proud. Wear a nice black suit and tie. Its you mum so maximum effort mate. Unless whole family decide on a different dress code.
Thoughts are with you
Wearing black stuff you already own isn’t making an effort.
Make an effort and but a suit or don’t look down on people who don’t want/can’t afford a suit.
I can guarantee that most people will just be glad that you were there and unless they are a bit odd, not care what you are wearing within the bounds of decency etc. Obviously a shell suit might not be great.
Soldato
Sorry for your loss.
It's your mum. Do what you think is appropriate.
One of my friend's dad took his own life last year. He was always the type to say "when I die I want to go out in a cardboard box, rock n' roll playing at my funeral." True to form, he was in a cardboard coffin with fragile tape all over it. They had Soundgarden, Ozzy Osborne, Monty Python and a couple of other songs, and his daughter and her friends wore band t-shirts. For those that knew him well, that was completely appropriate. When one of my dad's friends found out he said, "damn, if I'd known I would have worn my tie dye t-shirt."
I have always worn suits to funerals, but they've been appropriate every time except for the one above, but I didn't know it was a band t-shirt event.
Again, do what your mum would have thought was appropriate.
It's your mum. Do what you think is appropriate.
One of my friend's dad took his own life last year. He was always the type to say "when I die I want to go out in a cardboard box, rock n' roll playing at my funeral." True to form, he was in a cardboard coffin with fragile tape all over it. They had Soundgarden, Ozzy Osborne, Monty Python and a couple of other songs, and his daughter and her friends wore band t-shirts. For those that knew him well, that was completely appropriate. When one of my dad's friends found out he said, "damn, if I'd known I would have worn my tie dye t-shirt."
I have always worn suits to funerals, but they've been appropriate every time except for the one above, but I didn't know it was a band t-shirt event.
Again, do what your mum would have thought was appropriate.
Soldato
I personally think a funeral can be whatever it wants to be.
If you want to turn up in jeans, and you know your mum wouldn't have minded, then go for it. As you said yourself; as long as you're comfortable. It's what she lived her life by, so why should it be any different at her funeral?
If you want to turn up in jeans, and you know your mum wouldn't have minded, then go for it. As you said yourself; as long as you're comfortable. It's what she lived her life by, so why should it be any different at her funeral?
I remember seeing press coverage of a soldier’s funeral where one of his mate’s wore a really bad taste dress. Apparently they’d both made a deal with each other that if either one died they’d have to turn up at the funeral dressed like that.
Sounds like a good idea, especially as you’ve had other relatives confirm it too. No need at all to wear a suit for the sake of it.
then why not follow that instead of asking a bunch of strangers?
My mums funeral, I got my first suit [my dad bought it because I was a feckless lump even though I was actually 23]. It was a dark grey wool I think.
Can't say I felt uncomfortable or indeed anything at all about how I was dressed tbh. I was mostly numb until I actually started to grieve properly way after the event.
It's your day as well as hers - your day to say goodbye and remember the person in your way. Anyone who gets the hump about your clothes needs to get their head out of their rear end. That said, I wouldn't turn up in a pair of decorating jeans and trainers that had been dragged thru the mud.
Clean, tidy, respectful.
The last funeral I went to was smart, not formal, no ties allowed and bright colours encouraged.
It fitted with the personality of the man we went to see off. And we had a bloody good party afterwards.
If you do buy a suit and haven't owned one before - do not stick it thru the washer with your jog bottoms - they need to be dry cleaned.
I tried using the same suit for an interview a few months later, only to realise I'd shrunk the trousers by inches in every dimension.
My mum would have laughed at that.
Can't say I felt uncomfortable or indeed anything at all about how I was dressed tbh. I was mostly numb until I actually started to grieve properly way after the event.
It's your day as well as hers - your day to say goodbye and remember the person in your way. Anyone who gets the hump about your clothes needs to get their head out of their rear end. That said, I wouldn't turn up in a pair of decorating jeans and trainers that had been dragged thru the mud.
Clean, tidy, respectful.
The last funeral I went to was smart, not formal, no ties allowed and bright colours encouraged.
It fitted with the personality of the man we went to see off. And we had a bloody good party afterwards.
If you do buy a suit and haven't owned one before - do not stick it thru the washer with your jog bottoms - they need to be dry cleaned.
I tried using the same suit for an interview a few months later, only to realise I'd shrunk the trousers by inches in every dimension.
My mum would have laughed at that.
Soldato
I think suits are becoming less common now. I was at my brother in laws funeral in October and there was a wide mix of outfits from suits to jeans and a man united shirt, because they had a relationship of going to the pub watching the football so it was fitting to be dressed like that. He/nor anyone else cared he wasn't in a suit.
Think i just wore trousers, white shirt and a black tie. With a formal jacket over the top.
I'd just go in something like you posted above, it's smart enough yet you can be comfy in it too.
Think i just wore trousers, white shirt and a black tie. With a formal jacket over the top.
I'd just go in something like you posted above, it's smart enough yet you can be comfy in it too.
Seems fair enough, could also imagine some hippie funeral at say a natural burial site where they plant a tree or something being rather informal etc.. too.
This thread is a bit like some of the job interview threads where someone is going to a tech firm where a suit is clearly not needed and various posters still pop in saying "always wear a suit"...even though it is clearly not appropriate or in one case in spite of the fact the candidate has pretty much been told not to. Makes me wonder what they'd be like at say a beach wedding in Hawaii where guests have been told that shirts and shorts are the dress code... would they still rock up on the sand, in the middle of a hot day in a thick wool suit, tie and a pair of black oxfords?
Had an appointment with the guy who is speaking at the funeral today. Told us what happens, asked about Mum etc. Nice guy.
He actually asked us what would we want him to wear, are there any objections to anything. On talking to him he said these days don't really need to be suited and booted. His own words "you wouldn't believe what people wear these days"
Thanks for all lovely comments, sorry not quoted any in reply. Just listening at the moment
He actually asked us what would we want him to wear, are there any objections to anything. On talking to him he said these days don't really need to be suited and booted. His own words "you wouldn't believe what people wear these days"
Thanks for all lovely comments, sorry not quoted any in reply. Just listening at the moment
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My deepest condolences.
Ultimately no-one will judge you based on what you are wearing. If you turn up in your favourite teams football kit you may get some people thinking whats that about but they will just assume it has some relevance.
I'd start with the usual suspects in priority of black suit, dark coloured suit, trousers + shirt/Jumper.
Wear what you are comfortable in but you won't regret going the extra mile for wearing a dark suit.
I'd start with the usual suspects in priority of black suit, dark coloured suit, trousers + shirt/Jumper.
Wear what you are comfortable in but you won't regret going the extra mile for wearing a dark suit.
Sorry for your loss. Personally, I think the below is fine. I went to my wife's grandmother's funeral today. It was a small affair and people wore different things. Not everyone was in a black suit, white shirt, black tie - including me.
I wore dark jeans, black shoes, a dark blue polo shirt with a black jumper - a little like the image below.
But the bottom line is, wear what you feel comfortable in whilst being mindful of the situation, i.e. respectful.
I wore dark jeans, black shoes, a dark blue polo shirt with a black jumper - a little like the image below.
But the bottom line is, wear what you feel comfortable in whilst being mindful of the situation, i.e. respectful.
thanks for all comments so far. On speaking to my sister, my Dad who is Mums ex-husband and they got on well after the break up many years ago, it seems we are not having a dress code. We have spoken and agreed Mum would like us to just be comfortable.
So I am thinking dark crew neck jumper, shirt, black trousers/chinos, and my very dark brown chukka boots.
Seen this image below on this page, and made me feel a little better.