Soldato
Bring lube, the Vicar’s all out of choirboys.
Church Wedding (for non church goers)
- Thread starter muttclugg
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Bring lube, the Vicar’s all out of choirboys.
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Quite so, Civil Partnerships should be extended to couples not of the same sex for "legal / financial reasons".
And just to please you - Marriage is such an archaic concept, pre-dating the Middle Ages
That was announced by the PM last year following a court case.
Associate
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Save yourself some money and go to Vegas and get the full Elvis
Soldato
Agree just been to a christening today and its the same non believers getting done for sake of it, i refuse to read out the words in that book you get as I would be lying.
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OK, so a much more relevant question is "Why get married at all since Civil Partnerships address the various legal / financial issues?". Marriage is such an archaic concept, pre-dating the Middle Ages.
What relevance does marriage being an archaic concept have here? Are you implying that it has no relevance in to couples today and if so why?
Civil partnerships don't necessarily address all the legal issues, for example while they're recognised in the UK they're not necessarily recognised overseas.
Personal preference can come into it, for example some people might like to have a religious ceremony/get married in a church.
Associate
I'm against all forms of organised religion, but I still got married in a church. That might make me a hypocrite to some - fair enough, I can understand that.
However, from my own perspective, regardless of my own religious viewpoint (or rather lack of), it just felt like the right place to be doing it. The way I saw it, I was making a solemn commitment to someone I loved and the traditional way seemed the 'right' way. We had no family pressure - it was entirely our choice. There was a thread a few weeks ago about whether or not to ask your girlfriend's father for permission to marry her - I did this as well, again because it felt right and proper to do so.
In order to get married in our chosen church, we had to do three things - my understanding is that the first one is traditional, but the other two were unique to our chosen vicar:
The 'tea and biscuits' meeting was the most farcical. It remains one of the most bizarre hours of my entire life. Here was this 'man of the cloth' speaking to the pair of us as if we were a pair of blushing virgins, when the reality was that we'd been jumping on each others bones for about 7-8 years by that point! He stressed that the act had to take place within a given timeframe, else it was grounds to have the marriage anulled. We just smiled sweetly, knowing full well that once we'd sobered-up from the wedding reception, ticking that particular box (no pun intended
) wouldn't be a concern.
I always said I only intended to marry once and therefore I wanted to do it properly. Given that the marriage in question will be ending in divorce at the end of August this year, I'm even more glad that I did it the 'right' way - or the right way as I see it at least.
However, from my own perspective, regardless of my own religious viewpoint (or rather lack of), it just felt like the right place to be doing it. The way I saw it, I was making a solemn commitment to someone I loved and the traditional way seemed the 'right' way. We had no family pressure - it was entirely our choice. There was a thread a few weeks ago about whether or not to ask your girlfriend's father for permission to marry her - I did this as well, again because it felt right and proper to do so.
In order to get married in our chosen church, we had to do three things - my understanding is that the first one is traditional, but the other two were unique to our chosen vicar:
- attend the service the three Sundays running prior to our wedding day in order to hear the 'banns' read - for the uninitiated, a list was read out of those from the parish intending to marry in the coming weeks
- the vicar insisted my missus was christened - her parents hadn't had her christened when she was a baby, whereas my parents did with me. On the night we did our rehearsal, she leaned over the font and that one was sorted in a couple of minutes
- finally, and most awkwardly of all, in advance of our wedding day, we had to have a meeting over tea and biscuits with the vicar, during which he stressed the solemn importance of consumating the marriage within a certain time-frame after our wedding day
The 'tea and biscuits' meeting was the most farcical. It remains one of the most bizarre hours of my entire life. Here was this 'man of the cloth' speaking to the pair of us as if we were a pair of blushing virgins, when the reality was that we'd been jumping on each others bones for about 7-8 years by that point! He stressed that the act had to take place within a given timeframe, else it was grounds to have the marriage anulled. We just smiled sweetly, knowing full well that once we'd sobered-up from the wedding reception, ticking that particular box (no pun intended
) wouldn't be a concern.I always said I only intended to marry once and therefore I wanted to do it properly. Given that the marriage in question will be ending in divorce at the end of August this year, I'm even more glad that I did it the 'right' way - or the right way as I see it at least.
[...]
- finally, and most awkwardly of all, in advance of our wedding day, we had to have a meeting over tea and biscuits with the vicar, during which he stressed the solemn importance of consumating the marriage within a certain time-frame after our wedding day
The 'tea and biscuits' meeting was the most farcical. It remains one of the most bizarre hours of my entire life. Here was this 'man of the cloth' speaking to the pair of us as if we were a pair of blushing virgins, when the reality was that we'd been jumping on each others bones for about 7-8 years by that point! He stressed that the act had to take place within a given timeframe, else it was grounds to have the marriage anulled. We just smiled sweetly, knowing full well that once we'd sobered-up from the wedding reception, ticking that particular box (no pun intended
That is brilliant
Ref your first point, that is what my friend had to do too, attend the church for a few services prior to the reception - this was in the case of a CofE church.
I've been to a Catholic wedding in Spain and an Orthodox wedding in Greece, in the case of the Spanish/Catholic wedding they did have to fly out to meet the priest a few weeks in advance but other than that no requirement to attend anything. In the case of the Greek one AFAIK they'd not even met the priest aside from the day before the actual ceremony.
Isn't the preparation meeting something to do with wedding banns?
I've never been married but I've heard these banns (in the Church of England) are like proclaiming to the public your getting married. Maybe the prep meeting is making sure your serious before they print the banns?
I've never been married but I've heard these banns (in the Church of England) are like proclaiming to the public your getting married. Maybe the prep meeting is making sure your serious before they print the banns?
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Absolutely none of the explanations so far given really strike me as a reason for anyone to get "Married", certainly not in a church.
It just seems to be a pointless vanity "event" that combines "tradition" and exhibitionism - cynical and hypocritical in the case of a church wedding.
It just seems to be a pointless vanity "event" that combines "tradition" and exhibitionism - cynical and hypocritical in the case of a church wedding.
You've not answered the previous questions neither have you actually provided any criticism other than some superficial opinion about it being related to vanity.
I don't really see your point here, you've made several posts in the thread highlighting that you don't like marriage and that you're seemingly ignorant of the benefits of it, once those benefits have been alluded to you then seemingly ignore them and make a very weak critique of marriage.
Previously you focused on the fact that marriage is an old tradition, though when questioned as to why this is inherently bad you've avoided replying.
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. . . and . . .?
Why do you think that Marriage is so important?
Do you think that train spotting is important?
Kinda impossible, no?
Why do you think that Marriage is so important?
Do you think that train spotting is important?
If yes, why?
If not, why?
If not, why?
Kinda impossible, no?
I never claimed it was particularly important, it is useful however for the reasons mentioned previously.
I guess all we can establish here is that you don't like marriage for some superficial reasons and you were a bit ignorant of the benefits of it. That's fine, but I don't think anyone really cares.
Associate
It’s true that we had absolutely no reason to actually get married - we’d been a couple for 7-8 years and had a joint mortgage, so it’s not like marriage was the precursor to living together, as it was in years gone by. The decision to actually do it was taken almost as an afterthought - as I recall, we decided one night over a curry in our favourite curry house. It just felt to both of us like the right thing to do and the right time to do it - can’t explain it anymore than that.
I can understand your vanity point - some couples spend a king’s ransom on their weddings. Not us, as we didn’t have that kind of money - I think we spent about 2 grand in all, which came from the last of my redundancy money earlier that year ... some people will spend that just on the rings. We just wanted to make a commitment to each other - well, that and have a bloody good ****-up afterwards.
Marriage isn’t for everybody, I appreciate that and if you don’t believe in it, then that’s fine. And yes, I am a hypocrite for doing so in a church when I’m essentially an atheist. Despite how things have panned out since, I have no regrets. That said, it’ll take someone very special to convince me to marry a second time, although that’s just self-preservation as the break-up process is so lousy.
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I think that these two extracts kinda explain why I believe that marriage is a pointless project.
So because some marriages fail marriage is pointless?
If the possibility of failure leads you to conclude something is pointless then I hope for your sake you’re at least inconsistent in your beliefs.
Caporegime
It's my opinion, that people who aren't religious and get married in church ''under the eyes of god' are hypocrites.
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This.
But . . . the video provides a lasting memory of SUCH a lovely day . . . straight out of Mills and Boon . . . and it can be repeated in a few years time . . .