What to do about my family problem?

Psycho Sonny

Psycho Sonny

Psycho Sonny

Caporegime
Joined
21 Jun 2006
Posts
38,372
Angilion said:
First thing is to leave when you decide to. He says he won't let you leave...will he imprison you by force or kill you? If not, you can leave.

Second thing is what you're going to do about his behaviour.

You can go down the legal route and report it to the police. Gather evidence as much as possible. Document every incident at least. Obtain recordings (audio would be easy, video a bit harder but still possible) if you can.

Or you can go down the illegal route and use violence against him. If you do so, be aware that you must be willing and able to escalate the violence beyond whatever level he is willing to escalate it to. You might not have to (it's possible that a lesser degree of violence from you might be enough to put him off), but you must be willing and able to do so. It's not the sure solution some people are portraying it as being. Also, be aware that it is illegal and you might face legal problems as a result. A conviction for violent crime wouldn't do much for your employment prospects. Finally, it might cause family problems. If, for example, you use a weapon on him and break his arm, how will your parents react? If you are going to go down that route, do use a weapon. You can't half-arse this method and you don't have the skill or strength to try a fair fight, so don't try a fair fight. Attack from surprise, use a weapon. If you're going to use violence, skew the confrontation in your favour as much as possible. A fair fight is for a sporting contest, not for real conflict. It's an ugly method and I wouldn't recommend it. For casual bullying, you might well stop it without inflicting more than a bloody nose and bruising if you've assessed the bully correctly. If you haven't, you'll have made the situation worse. You're not children, so the experience some people have posted about their childhoods is of limited relevance.
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you want to waste police time with this?

they are both 35+ living with parents. squabbles happen and by the sounds of it both of these guys don't have the highest IQ's.

I would speak to your parents about it personally. it's their home after all. if he's being a **** they should be told.
 

Maccapacca

Maccapacca

Maccapacca

Tea Drinker
Don
Joined
13 Apr 2010
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18,419
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Sunny Sussex
Riley1982 said:
I have tried to stand up to him but he attacks me. He is 6ft 5 and I am 5ft 8. I promise I’m not trolling just stressed over it. When I lived in my flat my bro would come around early in the morning banging on the door.
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Start some jujitsu, height has little bearing. You can actually say 'come at me bro' with conviction.
 

h4rm0ny

h4rm0ny

h4rm0ny

Soldato
Joined
25 Jun 2011
Posts
5,468
Location
Yorkshire and proud of it!
Do you have any friends you can stay with? Have you considered staying at a hostel in the week? (They used to have a fixed number of days you can stay). Obviously it will cost you and slow down your saving for your own place again but it might be a half-way measure that gets you at least some peace and you can just stay at your parents on weekends or similar?

He sounds a terrible person.
 

Riley1982

Riley1982

Riley1982

Associate
OP
Joined
21 Apr 2019
Posts
10
Angilion said:
First thing is to leave when you decide to. He says he won't let you leave...will he imprison you by force or kill you? If not, you can leave.

Second thing is what you're going to do about his behaviour.

You can go down the legal route and report it to the police. Gather evidence as much as possible. Document every incident at least. Obtain recordings (audio would be easy, video a bit harder but still possible) if you can.

Or you can go down the illegal route and use violence against him. If you do so, be aware that you must be willing and able to escalate the violence beyond whatever level he is willing to escalate it to. You might not have to (it's possible that a lesser degree of violence from you might be enough to put him off), but you must be willing and able to do so. It's not the sure solution some people are portraying it as being. Also, be aware that it is illegal and you might face legal problems as a result. A conviction for violent crime wouldn't do much for your employment prospects. Finally, it might cause family problems. If, for example, you use a weapon on him and break his arm, how will your parents react? If you are going to go down that route, do use a weapon. You can't half-arse this method and you don't have the skill or strength to try a fair fight, so don't try a fair fight. Attack from surprise, use a weapon. If you're going to use violence, skew the confrontation in your favour as much as possible. A fair fight is for a sporting contest, not for real conflict. It's an ugly method and I wouldn't recommend it. For casual bullying, you might well stop it without inflicting more than a bloody nose and bruising if you've assessed the bully correctly. If you haven't, you'll have made the situation worse. You're not children, so the experience some people have posted about their childhoods is of limited relevance.
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I feel really bad for my parents me living there it’s not fair on them. That’s why I’m determined to save as much and move out as promised by June. If he does not get his own way he sulks for months and it causes a bad atmosphere in the whole family.
 

Riley1982

Riley1982

Riley1982

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OP
Joined
21 Apr 2019
Posts
10
h4rm0ny said:
Do you have any friends you can stay with? Have you considered staying at a hostel in the week? (They used to have a fixed number of days you can stay). Obviously it will cost you and slow down your saving for your own place again but it might be a half-way measure that gets you at least some peace and you can just stay at your parents on weekends or similar?

He sounds a terrible person.
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One of my friends has a spare room in his house (he needs the rent) so I will ask him if I can move in with him. Then I won’t feel like a burden to my parents as they deserve a life.
 

Plec

Plec

Plec

Soldato
Joined
19 Apr 2003
Posts
13,513
Plec said:
He's getting way better advice than i got when i posted on the Mumsnet Forum asking how to clock my 9900K to 5GHz.
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Vince said:
I see no evidence of the thread, please advise :D
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Those pedantic expectant Mums!

Apparently, a thread about a 9900k not holding a 5.2GHz clock at sub 1.4V, within TJMAX, isn't relevant or adding any useful content to the Mumsnet forum or its members?!

I don't think they understand the indirect stress this can have on a father raising 2 kids while juggling incremental UEFI settings. It was if they just didn't care about my stability issues - they kept on talking about things like 'nurturing vs nature' and 'formula vs breast milk'. HTF is that going to keep my computer from boot looping?..

/One very disillusioned father who still has an unstable clock and 2 young kids who both seem very content playing in the medicine draw - no matter how many "experienced Mums" tell me otherwise.

Waste of time...

(Yeah, i didn't have the balls to p*ss off hormonal Mums-to-be - even via the net. I've lived through it twice and barely got through the experience with all my valued extremities. :D)
 
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