OcUK Dadsnet thread

dl8860 · 13 May 2019 at 19:34

It's all very easy if you've never had a troubled birth to say oh don't listen to the pros, and a woman's body knows best. That sort of thinking is for the lucky few, and those who have forgotten what child mortality rates were 100 years ago.

Yes the NHS might be quick to go nuclear, and in many cases it may be unnecessary, but it's a risk based decision. Yes it's often unnecessary, (lucky you @Wizzkidy), but the consequences of a breach birth going wrong can simply be death. As Fathers we each will deal with anywhere between 1 and a handful of births, and statistically sure you can overrule the pros and be fine most of the time. But when wards churn out dozens of babies a day, unless you want preventable deaths on your hands, you simply have to play it safe.

I am certainly in favour of people's rights to overrule doctors (except in extreme cases), but I don't like the assertion that the doctor's are too alarmist and jump to nuclear options too soon. I really doubt they want to deal with any more C-sections than they have to!

Minstadave · 13 May 2019 at 19:44

toshj said:
On another note, my 7 week old son came down with a heavy fever on Friday night. Went in to children's A&E - at which point he completely chilled out and started smiling, and we almost left before getting checked out as he'd perked right up - and after being seen they wanted to give him the works.

Having to hold him down whilst they were trying to insert the cannula, him screaming up at me and my wife couldn't watch, was totally ******* soul destroying. Then came the lumbar puncture...

The good old full septic screen, welcome to my life!

RoboCod · 13 May 2019 at 21:00

robj20 said:
That's just not the case, for starters ours 100% wouldn't have survived if he wasn't born in hospital.

Like a previous poster said the NHS is only interested in delivering the baby as safely as possible, feelings and wishes don't come into it. If a mother wants to risk it because she wants a natural birth that's fine but that's her wishes it's got nothing to do with the safe delivery of a baby.

We'll have to agree to disagree then.

RoboCod · 13 May 2019 at 21:06

dl8860 said:
It's all very easy if you've never had a troubled birth to say oh don't listen to the pros, and a woman's body knows best. That sort of thinking is for the lucky few, and those who have forgotten what child mortality rates were 100 years ago.

Yes the NHS might be quick to go nuclear, and in many cases it may be unnecessary, but it's a risk based decision. Yes it's often unnecessary, (lucky you @Wizzkidy), but the consequences of a breach birth going wrong can simply be death. As Fathers we each will deal with anywhere between 1 and a handful of births, and statistically sure you can overrule the pros and be fine most of the time. But when wards churn out dozens of babies a day, unless you want preventable deaths on your hands, you simply have to play it safe.

I am certainly in favour of people's rights to overrule doctors (except in extreme cases), but I don't like the assertion that the doctor's are too alarmist and jump to nuclear options too soon. I really doubt they want to deal with any more C-sections than they have to!

The lucky few? You seem to suggest that the majority of births are complicated and high risk? The stats are in the single figure percentages.

You also seem to suggest home births are unsafe. They simply aren't for a low risk birth.

Like I said though, the likelihood of intervention increases in a hospital birth when it doesn't necessarily need to.

McPhee · 14 May 2019 at 11:59

First night with baby and the OH at home last night. Took hours for us to get her settled, but we got there. Popped the light off, and there was a moment of utter confusion from both of us when the room didn't go dark. Then we realised; it was morning already :rolleyes:

Hoping for at least a few hours sleep tonight as I've got my last uni exam for the year.

Devrij · 15 May 2019 at 06:34

satchef1 said:
First night with baby and the OH at home last night. Took hours for us to get her settled, but we got there. Popped the light off, and there was a moment of utter confusion from both of us when the room didn't go dark. Then we realised; it was morning already

Hoping for at least a few hours sleep tonight as I've got my last uni exam for the year.

You gotta grab sleep when you can, for the first month or so at least. I used to go sleep in my car on my lunch break just to make it through the day. Then it all starts to fall into place a bit (for us at least it did) and you get some routine.

Illuminist · 15 May 2019 at 07:22

This may be an unpopular thing to say, but anyone else notice all of a sudden when they have a baby that forums and articles have abbreviations all over them like OH, LO, FS, LD it really triggers me quite massively.
On other subjects I don't start saying "I bought some CR , 8 gigs for my GR and its running much better IG and MC!"
It's the sites where they dont give you explainations that are the worst I feel like im reading sacred cult text

Illuminist · 15 May 2019 at 07:27

satchef1 said:
First night with baby and the OH at home last night. Took hours for us to get her settled, but we got there. Popped the light off, and there was a moment of utter confusion from both of us when the room didn't go dark. Then we realised; it was morning already

Hoping for at least a few hours sleep tonight as I've got my last uni exam for the year.

Forget about your eyelids for a while, you wont be needing them.
But seriously sleep in shifts and whenever you can, It got to a record of 5 days with about 4 hours sleep combined for my wife and I at one point, because we were not organised as no one really tells you how to deal with it and your too focused on the new experience. But seriously if you have an exam try and literally plan sleep the second X feed is done go straight to sleep

gonda · 15 May 2019 at 08:46

All being well should be finding out whether its a boy or girl tomorrow...think that'll make it even more real!

Pookie Bear · 15 May 2019 at 20:10

gonda said:
All being well should be finding out whether its a boy or girl tomorrow...think that'll make it even more real!

How far along are you? We had a private gender scan at 17 weeks and it was well worth it. Turned out to be some of the best images we have. Since then nothing has come out well.

Tonyabrhm · 15 May 2019 at 21:21

Love the drama queens inciting fear in new dad's. Literally don't worry about it. It all comes naturally, a few sleepless nights, a few petty rows with the missus and eventually settle into a routine - easy as pir.

AhhBisto · 15 May 2019 at 22:43

Time to lighten the mood.

My 16 month olds new favourite word is Chocolate, except she can't pronounce the "h" or "late" so she shouts Coc Coc Coc every time she sees chocolate.

You'd think I would learn from my earlier mistakes of using other C words like Can't, turns out young children pronounce words so they sound like the rude counterparts.

robj20 · 16 May 2019 at 06:59

Tonyabrhm said:
Love the drama queens inciting fear in new dad's. Literally don't worry about it. It all comes naturally, a few sleepless nights, a few petty rows with the missus and eventually settle into a routine - easy as pir.

For you maybe, its not the same for everyone. Some it most definitely does not come naturally. Luckily (if you can call it luck) when we got ours home he only woke up once in the night for bottles then slept the rest of the night no problem.

ci_newman · 16 May 2019 at 10:47

Tonyabrhm said:
Love the drama queens inciting fear in new dad's. Literally don't worry about it. It all comes naturally, a few sleepless nights, a few petty rows with the missus and eventually settle into a routine - easy as pir.

robj20 said:
For you maybe, its not the same for everyone. Some it most definitely does not come naturally. Luckily (if you can call it luck) when we got ours home he only woke up once in the night for bottles then slept the rest of the night no problem.

Exactly what Rob said, everyone's experience is different. My eldest didn't sleep through the night until he was 3. Every single night he woke up, in his first year he was waking 4-5 times PER night. That takes a serious toll on relationships and mental health.

FWIW, bottle-fed babies generally sleep through the night earlier / better than breast-fed.

I'm not going to debate the pros and cons of breast vs. bottle (God, the Mums out there debate it fiercely), but bottle fed babies definitely sleep heavier.

subbytna · 16 May 2019 at 15:09

Tonyabrhm said:
Love the drama queens inciting fear in new dad's. Literally don't worry about it. It all comes naturally, a few sleepless nights, a few petty rows with the missus and eventually settle into a routine - easy as pir.

If your next kid is hard work, it'll be an eye opener for you.

mjt · 17 May 2019 at 07:17

Tonyabrhm said:
Love the drama queens inciting fear in new dad's. Literally don't worry about it. It all comes naturally, a few sleepless nights, a few petty rows with the missus and eventually settle into a routine - easy as pir.

TROLOLOLOLOL

Because every human is identical. GL

-westy- · 17 May 2019 at 07:20

subbytna said:
If your next kid is hard work, it'll be an eye opener for you.

Lol, yup. Definitely got lucky with my first, overall she's been great - but I imagine that when the second comes around it'll be different. No 2 kids are the same.

Tonyabrhm · 17 May 2019 at 08:36

robj20 said:
For you maybe, its not the same for everyone. Some it most definitely does not come naturally. Luckily (if you can call it luck) when we got ours home he only woke up once in the night for bottles then slept the rest of the night no problem.

Rob, your situation was just bad luck - you are part of a small minority.

I am not trolling it's just mine opinion and based on the majority of my own, friends and family experiences.

robj20 · 17 May 2019 at 09:09

Tonyabrhm said:
Rob, your situation was just bad luck - you are part of a small minority.

I am not trolling it's just mine opinion and based on the majority of my own, friends and family experiences.

I want even referring to my situation. Purely that a lot of people don't find it comes natural.
You basically called a lot of people in here drama queens for giving advice about being a father and wear they found difficult. Where you think its i walk in the park.

You presume every baby settles into a routine, and that the parents can too, what about people on shift work.
You must be farther of the year to find it so easy.
Regardless of my own sons needs, I've found having a child the single biggest shake up to my life.

subbytna · 17 May 2019 at 10:35

robj20 said:
I've found having a child the single biggest shake up to my life.

I worked with an old man just before my first daughter was born. He was 75 and was coming into work to pass the time. He wasn't getting paid for it, he just loved working in the IT company and they loved having him around the place. Win win for all.

Anyway, he said to me at the time, when your baby is born, you will be born too. I looked at him and asked him what they was supposed to mean. He said to me "When baby is born, the life you knew before baby will die and you will be reborn with the baby" At the time I didn't' really know what he was on about and it's only now with hindsight that I fully understand what he was saying.

The life you knew before, is gone, never to return, when you're a parent for the first time. Your new life and situation is also "birthed" when baby is born, hence he talking about being "re-born"

You don't get to put yourself first anymore, you are now 2nd, to everything related to your child. This was a REALLY hard thing for me to accept at the time as I was used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted to. If I'm honest, it took me 6-8 months to get my head around it and I'm ashamed to admit I begrudged my daughter taking "my old life" away. Now of course I'm older and wiser and know that's just how it is when you're a parent.

Having twins, after my single baby daughter, then took things to a whole new mental level of madness lol.