How to tell a friend we no longer can be friends?

Associate
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I've known this female friend for around 10+ years. She is female and we were pretty close in terms of how open we were to discussions about everything, including sex life.

When I got with my girlfriend 4 years ago, she was acceptant of our friendship and I would often go round to hers to spend time. But every time she was in the presence of my girlfriend things would get weird. She would not acknowledge my girlfriend and talk about past, including discussions related to sex, such as remember that time when ... and mention about discussions we had had regarding sex toys and swear etc in front of my girlfriends son.

My girlfriend at the time seem this as actions of trying to entice her and act as a threat, and I admit it wasn't her normal behavior. Well not long after this friend was getting married to her then boyfriend. She asked me to be man of honor instead of a maid - I thought it weird but accepted from the fact of being humbled she asked. This caused massive rifts between me and my girlfriend when I was asked to go wedding shopping and pick rings and so forth. I did find it weird to be a man of honor considering it isn't really normal or tradition, and decided to decline the offer at a later date because I did not feel it was right.

Fast forward another meeting with my girlfriend and said friend, when she was talking about all the people she had had sex with and discussions of me picking her up at 3am in the morning, talking about not really loving her future husband and wanting to flease him dry. I was astounded by what I heard, and that was not the person I thought I knew. My girlfriend didn't really have much of an impression left for her after that day.

Fast forward again to the wedding, where on her wedding day she was at the table talking again about all her past accomplishments with men, telling me how much she loved me and rolling back the years with regards to picking her up at stupid o'clock. I brushed all this off to my girlfriend as it being nothing, when she was telling me that she was trying to get under her skin.
The last straw was at the end of the night, when my friend was ****** and blurted out in front of everyone that my girlfriend doesn't like people who take drugs. Baring in mind my girlfriend has watched one of her close friends die in front of her from cocaine, when my girlfriend responded that she didn't have a problem with people who take drugs my friend insisted yes you do and then mugged her off and ignored her.

As you would imagine this didn't go down well, and we had a huge row the following morning. I insisted that they should talk it out and she was clearly just ****** but my girlfriend was having none of it, didnt fell she was a nice person and wasnt going to have her disrespect her anymore.
In the end I convinced her to speak and message, which she did, nicely and asked if they could meet up and talk things out - for my friend to give her a thumbs up and then two weeks later ignore her existence when she seen her in the street.
This to me was a huge disrespect and I could not forgive her for it and had to side with my girlfriend and rightly so, she let me down for the last time.

That was 2 years ago and I hadn't seen her since. Her husband died in her arms 3 months ago from a blood clot and I felt bad for not picking up the phone and giving my condolences or going to the funeral.

Me and my girlfriend split up 3 weeks ago and last week my friend rang me to ask how I was having heard the news and telling me shes allowed to talk to me again now. I went round the her house for the night and we talked. It was nice to chat but all she talked about what his estate, quitting her job as she is expecting a large amount of money and talking about how long it she should wait before she sees another man as shes been messaging a few. This does not sound like a person who is grieving their husband. Yes she had pictures all over the walls but I believe this to be more for his family than her own reasons.

Me and my girlfriend have decided to make things work again, and upon hearing I had met my friend again this didnt really go down well. I told my friend at the time I wanted to get back with her etc, and since that point every Facebook post I've made shes liked, loved or put love heart emojis. I don't know why but instead of backing off it seems she fuels a fire. My girlfriend cannot forgive her and absolutely despises her. I can't really disagree with her reasons as there is more than what I have wrote her in terms of her behavior and even now it seems she isn't making things easy.

Long story short, this friend has messaged me asking how I am. I had to make a choice if I was to get back with my girlfriend and that was her or my friend. She didn't give me an ultimatum, she just told me that she couldn't ever be around that girl and I made the choice because she is more important to me.
How do I then tell this friend in the nicest possible way that I do not want to be friends with her anymore, and that she means nothing to me compared to my girlfriend?
 
Soldato
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Ignor. I'm not qualified enough to offer the advice you seek and I'm trapped enough by my feelings for my lady friends as it is.
I'm trying to hang on to both though made it to a gay club over the weekend, wiggling my hips and slinging a bra around my head in the middle of the dance floor to collect my thoughts.
 
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Associate
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I can strictly say nothing has ever and would ever happen between us. Our relationship was strictly friends but a close one at that. When she talked about hers and my sex life with other people and so forth though it didn't really help with suspicions for my girlfriend in it being something more
 
Soldato
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Although your ex gf doesn't like this woman (and from what I gather neither do you) it sounds like this isn't the reason you broke up.

I'd deal with that as a separate issue and just stonewall the heiress for a bit.
 
Caporegime
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Me and my girlfriend split up 3 weeks ago and last week my friend rang me to ask how I was having heard the news and telling me shes allowed to talk to me again now. I went round the her house for the night and we talked. It was nice to chat but all she talked about what his estate, quitting her job as she is expecting a large amount of money and talking about how long it she should wait before she sees another man as shes been messaging a few. This does not sound like a person who is grieving their husband. Yes she had pictures all over the walls but I believe this to be more for his family than her own reasons.

Me and my girlfriend have decided to make things work again, and upon hearing I had met my friend again this didnt really go down well. I told my friend at the time I wanted to get back with her etc, and since that point every Facebook post I've made shes liked, loved or put love heart emojis. I don't know why but instead of backing off it seems she fuels a fire. My girlfriend cannot forgive her and absolutely despises her. I can't really disagree with her reasons as there is more than what I have wrote her in terms of her behavior and even now it seems she isn't making things easy.

Long story short, this friend has messaged me asking how I am. I had to make a choice if I was to get back with my girlfriend and that was her or my friend. She didn't give me an ultimatum, she just told me that she couldn't ever be around that girl and I made the choice because she is more important to me.
How do I then tell this friend in the nicest possible way that I do not want to be friends with her anymore, and that she means nothing to me compared to my girlfriend?
All this has happened in three weeks? Smells fishy.

1. You split with your GF
2. You get back with your "friend" and tell her you "want to get back with her etc"
3. You and your GF decide to get back together
4. Your "friend" now means nothing to you

You... you realise how this reads, don't you?

Also bonus points for attempting to character assassinate your "friend" in your explanation of why you're dumping them a couple weeks after you told them you want to "get back together".

This is why I hate humans.
 
Man of Honour
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I did find it weird to be a man of honor considering it isn't really normal or tradition

Not actually that weird these days - not traditional no but in this day and age I've been to a fair few weddings where either the person standing in for best man or maid of honour isn't of the traditional gender (and not generally related to LGBTQ though that has been a factor now and again).

Though in your specific case it sounds a bit like potentially for the wrong reasons.
 
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Although your ex gf doesn't like this woman (and from what I gather neither do you) it sounds like this isn't the reason you broke up.

I'd deal with that as a separate issue and just stonewall the heiress for a bit.

No this wasn't the reason we broke up

All this has happened in three weeks? Smells fishy.

1. You split with your GF
2. You get back with your "friend" and tell her you "want to get back with her etc"
3. You and your GF decide to get back together
4. Your "friend" now means nothing to you

You... you realise how this reads, don't you?

I told my friend I want to get back with my girlfriend, I sat and talked to her about how much I loved her etc...

Yeah I can see how it looks and yes I'm a bit of a lousey person for having to do this and meeting up with her in the first place, but It's either her or my girlfriend :confused:
 
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Thought so.

She had chance to be friends to be fair. My girlfriend even tried to consolidate with her despite not liking her, and she chose to ignore her and give her a thumbs up. My girlfriend can't forgive her for that and to be fair for 2 years she hadn't bothered to make amends but yet now she does. For me it is too little too late
 
Caporegime
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I told my friend I want to get back with my girlfriend, I sat and talked to her about how much I loved her etc...

Yeah I can see how it looks and yes I'm a bit of a lousey person for having to do this and meeting up with her in the first place, but It's either her or my girlfriend :confused:
Apologies then, it looked like you'd rushed into the arms of your friend then done a 180 when your GF said to try again.

Personally your GF sounds awful. It's your friend now, but if she's the type to make ultimatums (kind of) and you give in, then she knows she has control. And then it could be anything.

Controlling people are the worst type of people.
 
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Apologies then, it looked like you'd rushed into the arms of your friend then done a 180 when your GF said to try again.

Personally your GF sounds awful. It's your friend now, but if she's the type to make ultimatums (kind of) and you give in, then she knows she has control. And then it could be anything.

Controlling people are the worst type of people.

I'm not a horrible person to have to bin people off like this and it is hard. My girlfriend despises her and she has her reasons I will admit. She didn't give me an ultimatum - she made that choice herself and told me she didn't want to rekindle things now she is on the scene, told me I cannot just bin someone off like I would now I have engaged back in a friendship. It was me who made the choice to say I would rather have her in my life than this friend. I've not seen her in 2 years and she's not the same person I thought I knew, but she still is human and I don't wish to cause ill feelings
 
Caporegime
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I'm not a horrible person to have to bin people off like this and it is hard. My girlfriend despises her and she has her reasons I will admit. She didn't give me an ultimatum - she made that choice herself and told me she didn't want to rekindle things now she is on the scene, told me I cannot just bin someone off like I would now I have engaged back in a friendship. It was me who made the choice to say I would rather have her in my life than this friend. I've not seen her in 2 years and she's not the same person I thought I knew, but she still is human and I don't wish to cause ill feelings
Can't see it ending without hurt feelings tbh.

And your GF saying she won't re-kindle your relationship if you're still seeing your friend - that's an ultimatum by my definition. Just dressed up with noble-sounding words. Words are cheap and the end result is the same as an ultimatum. Quite manipulative.
 
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Can't see it ending without hurt feelings tbh.

And your GF saying she won't re-kindle your relationship if you're still seeing your friend - that's an ultimatum by my definition. Just dressed up with noble-sounding words. Words are cheap and the end result is the same as an ultimatum. Quite manipulative.

I can't argue with you talking sense I must admit. I am a pussy but at the same time I cannot expect her to want to talk to this friend. She does cause problems and it isn't easy with her being around.
 
Man of Honour
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To be fair the friend sounds like she's gone full bat crap crazy since another woman appeared in your life and sounds like a gold digging scrounger.
 
Soldato
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If you don't mind me saying you have a strange relationship with the friend considering she was married? Or did she get married in the 2 years you'd parted ways?
 
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To be fair the friend sounds like she's gone full bat crap crazy since another woman appeared in your life and sounds like a gold digging scrounger.

That pretty much sums it up.

If you don't mind me saying you have a strange relationship with the friend considering she was married? Or did she get married in the 2 years you'd parted ways?

Yeah it was kind weird. She got married 2 years ago and we didn't speak after the wedding.
 
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