Coping with loss of parent..

Soldato
OP
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Lost my good lady last Tuesday week, funeral tomorrow, this is my first experience of someone close to me passing. I feel that I have not really accepted it yet, I have certainly teared up on occasions but I have not had a full blown cry which I feel I need. So in some small way I can relate to what you are going through, though grief is so personal and how we deal with it individual.
I shall probably go and get ****** on my own tomorrow after the funeral, for the first time in years, hopefully have a good weep and then try to manage the loneliness which is difficult when a person you have shared 35 years is no longer around.

All I can do is offer my sincere condolences for the loss of your dad.

Hope you're doing ok man.
 
Associate
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My dad passed away 11 years ago from cancer it was fast with in 3 months of him finding it out he was gone it does get easy over time but you never forget I wish many times he was here so I could get a hug but I know I will see him again in heaven as he did get saved a few weeks before he passed away and I am born again 18 years
 
Soldato
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9 years ago in October for my dad.

I'm not sure 'easier' is the word i'd use, more that you learn to adapt. The beginning was awful and around the anniversary and birthday I get a bit mopey but the rest of the time I just remember what a generally daft sod he was :)

The balance of pain/good memories definitely weighs more to the good memories as time goes on.
 
Caporegime
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Never thought i'd be one making this sort of thread.. My dad passed last month on the 26th of heart failure at 66, suddenly and with little warning, he had a few shortness of breaths and little chest pains over the last year but nothing he felt the need to get checked. Feeling like my world caved in, i'm expecting a little one in October and i'm trying to feel enthusiasm and be happy with my wife etc.. but it all feels empty now. People sort of expect me to take it on the chin as a 36 yr old man but by god sometimes i wail and cry... Does this immense pain ease? :(
Loss of parents is one of the few things that genuinely fills me with dread. Not sure how I'd cope, if at all. In many ways I fear it more than my own death.

Be assured many of us can relate to you right now. And I'm sorry to hear of your suffering.
 
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10 days ago dad was diagnosed with kidney cancer and he's at the hospital tomorrow for his 1st round of tests. It's horrible and I can't stop crying. Sorry for your loss OP.
 
Caporegime
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Loss of parents is one of the few things that genuinely fills me with dread. Not sure how I'd cope, if at all. In many ways I fear it more than my own death.

Be assured many of us can relate to you right now. And I'm sorry to hear of your suffering.
I definitely fear my mums death more than my own. I’m not that close to my dad, but it will still hurt when I lose him. He’s had cancer recently, but the stubborn old git beat it fairly easily.
 
Soldato
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I lost my Dad in March this year. Mum went downhill badly after and passed away in June.

Less than 4 months and both my parents are gone.

You will come through it. It's so so hard some days but your Dad wouldn't want you to suffer.

Death is every bit as natural as birth but we ain't so good at dealing with the former.

Do your Dad proud and make the best of life and what you have.
 
Soldato
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It was 10 years on the 7th since my dad passed from Lymphoma. In the decade since, the pain’s faded into the background somewhat, but on occasion, with less frequency as time goes by, it bursts to the fore, and I find myself bawling my eyes out. You learn to tune out the pain and the grief I suppose, and replace it with reflecting on the happy memories.

I’m getting married in December, with my dad having never met my fiancée. While it’s undoubetdly going to be a happy occasion, the memory of what happened to my dad’s going to be there. I just hope I can hold it together.

It does get easier, but there will be times it tests you.
 
Soldato
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Sorry for your loss. Am sure I am re-iterating what has been said but my dad passed when I was 28 and the only thing that made it easier was time, it was gut wrenching but as time has gone on I can look back on the good memories much easier. You will get there, just give it time.
 
Permabanned
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I am saddened to hear of your loss, especially as your father was still a relatively young age. All I can say is throw yourself into your new daughter's life and into work and as time passes you will find the pain eases. I regretted not having the patience to always deal sympathetically with my somewhat difficult parents and often wish I had found the time to speak to them about many things I can now only wonder about. You will find that as time passes you will remember the good and humorous times, like when my mother told her doctor, who had suggested she might be better off in a care home, that, "When I want an opinion from someone as to whether I am still able to look after myself it will not be from a man with soup down his tie and one shoelace undone" :)

I remember the day clearly that my late father died in hospital from a stroke he never recovered from. I was working on a customer's race car, on a Friday and he wanted to race on the Saturday. He rang to see how it was going and I told him I had just heard my father had passed away. He was very kind and said to just let him know when things were more settled and he would leave me in peace. I told him that I was continuing to work on it and it would be ready later that day. To have stopped would have had my father haunting me, he always had a great work ethic and I felt that would be what he would have expected. The Grim Reaper comes for us all, take some solace he apparently enjoyed good health for the most and went quickly and without the pain and suffering that so many have to stoically endure. I'm sorry to say that the time up to the funeral will not be the worst as you will be occupied with the minutiae of such things, and it is after you will feel it the strongest, but time DOES heal and I hope you can find your way through this pain barrier we all feel when a parent dies. Stay strong for those around you.
 
Soldato
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I'm so sorry to hear, I hope things get easier for you sooner than later.
I know it's different, but tomorrow I lose my best friend. My 12yo Labrador I have to let go, just before his 13th birthday. Tomorrow is also 7 years since my grandad passed. Heartbroken doesn't come close. I haven't cried so much ever as an adult, hence why I can no longer type anymore.

Condolences friend.
 
Associate
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Nothing really constructive to add, but just wanted to add to the voices wishing you the best OP. Hope you start to feel better soon and I'm so sorry for your loss.
 
Soldato
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I'm sorry for everybody losing a loved one and know how you must be feeling OP. I just found out my mother, whose has Lewey Body syndrome has just suffered a bleed on the brain. I'll take some small comfort from the fact that if she doesn't survive then she'll no longer be suffering. All the best for you.
 
Soldato
OP
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Hoddesdon, London, UK
Thanks again for all of the replies, it's still difficult for me to open this thread, can't believe it'll be a year on the 26th. Got to say things have become better, baby girl brightens by day and life.. as she does my mums. Still hurts but the intense grief is in the past and i'm trying to move on :)
 
Soldato
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I really feel for you as you go through one of the worst experiences that many of us face at some time. My Dad had a stroke a while back and although he survived and is in pretty good shape now, at the time I thought he was going to die and I was in absolute bits. What really helped me at the time was talking with mates.
It was the suddenness that probably got me and my unpreparedness. I just expected he'd be fine for years to come. When he does go I feel I'm a little more mentally prepared.
The ones out of the blue are probably the harder and longer ones to try and recover from so I do really feel for you in this regard but keep talking it out and try to focus on the good memories.
 
Associate
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I'm not entirely sure you can really prepare for things like this :-/ . I mean, you think you can, but you never truly know how you will react at the time when it happens. Whether out of the blue, or you had an idea and saw it coming in the first place. It's not really a switch that is on either side and you know it'll be on whichever side you think its on, that switch can flip over just like that without you wanting to. Just the way things are.

Just be glad you don't have eidetic memory as well, that'll really ruin you forever more as the memory won't (can't) fade short of something drasting happening to yourself (change of person from loss of memory) that'll finally let you forget... :(

Still, glad Justintime is on the up and up now. :)
 
Soldato
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Sorry for your loss mate.

I am in a similar position, my father passed away 14th may last year from a heart attack. I said to my mother that "forever my birthday will be overshadowed by this horrible event for the rest of my life" as my birthday is just two days prior (12th may).

But its life, and to be totally honest, my father moved to Brazil around 1999-2000 and I didnt have the greatest relationship with him, and now, looking back i wish i could have made better of it. But think of your family and your daughter, things will get better in time..
 
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