Need some advice surrounding a problematic brother (long thread)

Man of Honour
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That's terrible Phate. Really sorry to read what you've all been going through. If it really is that bad then I would probably be trying to find out who his probation officer is and asking whether he could recommend to the court that rehab is made part of the conditions of his sentence. No idea whether that's possible or the right thing. But it's what comes to mind. Good luck.
 
Caporegime
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If it was me I'd want the people I care about away from him by what ever means necessary.

Either by getting him removed or removing yourselves (somehow) .

Sounds like a living hell and a ticking time bomb. Needs professional help in an institution or something
 
Caporegime
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Thanks everyone for the messages and kind words.

To answer some questions. He currently lives between my two parents places. At the minute as Dad is away for work during the week (it genuinely is his busiest time of year) he stays with Mum and on the weekend with Dad. If Dad is home during the week its more or less a 50/50 split between them. He cannot be trusted to stay at my Dads place without my Dad aronud so its out of the question at the moment.

Moving those I care away from him is not realistically feasible. He is the one which needs to be removed.

That should be the case, 8 years, 4 served and 4 probation... I would imagine that drug driving is a breach of his probation meaning he would need to serve the remainder of his sentence at least.

This is exactly what I am hoping for. Can someone tell me, I have been out of the UK for a number of years now so I am not sure. Is there a number I can call to speak with the police for some advice on the situation? I know there is a non-emergency number but I am not sure if this covers this kind of need? I can only think the police is the best place to go. Like I can say I know we are waiting for the results but in the meantime, this is what has been happening, maybe it might speed things up a bit.
 
Associate
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He will go to prison for this for a bit hopefully, and that's a good thing for him and your family. It will give you time to prepare a suitable rehabilitation centre for him, prison would have been a good detox from his poisoness social life so rehab straight after is a great time. Then after rehab the key is to keep him away from his old circle of friends, his old habits, his old life. Build a new one with him and then you'll be helping him.

Good luck.

+1 this
 
Associate
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This is a long shot but a friend of mine who was deep in an addiction ended up getting committed for a month, ordinarily they will not commit anyone purely for drug addiction but my friend fortunately (?!) has diagnosed Bi-polar so his psychiatrist managed to get him committed under that, as the addiction had severely aggravated his depression to the point where I honestly don't think he'd still be around today without that help.
It was an absolute godsend for him - it kicked the addiction and allowed him to properly work on his depression and nearly a year later he is back to being the friend I grew up with.

Given your brother's clear anger management issues and increasing paranoia, is there any way he can be seen by a psychiatrist or psychologist if he'll allow it?
 
Caporegime
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I think from the facts, prison sounds like the best place for him and everyone. He gets clean, everyone else get some peace and quiet. It sucks that it has to come to that, especially for your own child/family but history has shown that is what works. Some people just need physical events to happen to them before it get the point through their head. It's not as simple as being told "this is the best way to do things", they need to learn the lesson the hard way, multiple times before they get it.
 
Soldato
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It's one thing being a drug addict and alienating all your family and friends. Your brother just sounds like a complete and utter pr*ck full stop.

Personally life's too short to have toxic people around. I'd just cut him loose and have nothing more to do with him.

This - he's an indiviudal that thrives on self destruction, only losing it all or death would fix him.

Do whats best for you and your family and cut him off, he's too dangerous to have around, life is to short not to be happy.
 
Soldato
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It's really tough, my step son is similar although probably not quite as bad. He lived with his nan for around 7 years as we had his 2 younger siblings at home and couldn't have him around them and affecting their lives.

This March even she had given up on him and kicked him out and with the other 2 now older he moved back with us. It went "ok" for a little while but caused huge amounts of stress for us all and my wife is disabled and is very negatively affected by stress.

We gave him the rule of no drugs (we bought some tests) but didn't really enforce it when he failed. But then after a few months of him acting normal, we started seeing the signs of him taking more and more drugs and how it impacted his behaviour and we had to tell him he had to leave. This has now been around 3 weeks which has resulted in him constantly trying to make my wife feel bad for him, praying on her maternal instinct not to want her kids to suffer but even now she's had enough.

We're also at a loss, we took him to the GP to test for any mental health issues and were advised they suspected him of having "Adult ADHD", however it's an 18 month wait for an appointment for treatment and even then i'm not sure what good it would do.

You mention detox, but if he's had a few months clean and then descended into old habits, how many times can you force him to detox and expect him to change?
 

Dup

Dup

Soldato
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What a nightmare situation Jake. He clearly needs to be in some sort of system, be it prison, rehab or completely sectioned. Your parents could contact charities or hoof him down to the GP for drug addiction help. They could enforce that if he doesn't undertake regular help he's not allowed home. Depending on how bad he is and what your parents share with the GP he could be referred for other mental health issues. If they signal he is or could be a danger to himself or others they may take it more seriously, this info should be shared with the police too as they have the power to refer him to be sectioned if they feel he needs to be detained.
 

NVP

NVP

Soldato
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You mention detox, but if he's had a few months clean and then descended into old habits, how many times can you force him to detox and expect him to change
That's the key. After rehab or any form of cleansing the most important thing is to change the environment. A new bedroom, a new roommate or even new house, new hobbies, but a new circle of friends is the change which will impact the most.
 
Soldato
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We're also at a loss, we took him to the GP to test for any mental health issues and were advised they suspected him of having "Adult ADHD", however it's an 18 month wait for an appointment for treatment and even then i'm not sure what good it would do.
Was his drug of choice cocaine? Fits the ADHD thing (Self-medicating). Getting prescribed Ritalin or similar might help.
 
Soldato
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Was his drug of choice cocaine? Fits the ADHD thing (Self-medicating). Getting prescribed Ritalin or similar might help.

Generally just weed but it's been fairly obvious he's taking cocaine aswell.

It's hard to know what the truth is in a case like this. I know my wife and her mum tend to be trying to look for a reason for him acting as he does because ultimately the alternative is that he's a **** and just doesn't care about anyone but himself.
 
Soldato
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Jake, you know my thoughts on this, but I'll reiterate - the self medicating and drug taking etc is a choice that he's making - whether it's informed or not, it's still something that he's doing. Ultimately, it has to be his choice to "get clean", or "better". You can't force him into rehab or similar unfortunately - all it will do is create a feeling of contempt or "me vs them".

Like with my own situation that I've told you about, neither you nor your parents are professionals - whilst you can act with his best interests at heart, ultimately you need some professional help or guidance. I'd suggest you and your parents speak to a professional about how you can interact with, and help him. In addition to this, unless his has shown that he is a risk to other or himself (through police/hospital/specialist reports), then it'll be very hard to have him detained under Section 4 of the Mental Health Act - unless a GP or similar is in agreement with you. I'd guess that the second that your brother saw one of those, his behavior would somehow improve and he'll be "perfectly fine" and deny everything. Then it's your word against his.

Fingers crossed for you.
 
Soldato
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That's the key. After rehab or any form of cleansing the most important thing is to change the environment. A new bedroom, a new roommate or even new house, new hobbies, but a new circle of friends is the change which will impact the most.

Exactly this. My sister has a drinking habit - even if she's managed to abstain for a while, the instant that she's back with her "old" friends, old habits continue. It's entirely human. However changing everything completely could also be detrimental, as if someone feels "alone" because everything is new/different, they may turn to the one thing that they "know"!
 
Man of Honour
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There isn't really any fixing people like this unless they are willing to identify their behaviours and motivated to not be defined by them and rarely that happens without something truly tragic happening. Rehab and the likes might temporarily help them but unless that leads to something in life they have to lose it will only be temporary and even that might not be enough.
 
Caporegime
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To update you all. I contacted the Essex Police Switchboard and explained the situation and emphasised that due to these pending results from the accident in May he is behaving more and more erratically and aggressively, is there any way we can get more information on how long this is going to take. She was very helpful, she looked up the incident, found it, and also found the officer in charge. She has emailed him with my contact information asking him to call me ASAP. I feel then once I get the OIC on the phone I can drive home whats really going on and my hoping is that this new information might cause some prioritization and speed things up a bit.

Called Dad afterwards and explained what I have done he was genuinely thankful and will call me back later tonight.
 
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