Hello all
Just thought I'd post here to see if I can get some help or whatever.
Been suffering from depression for many years now and I got diagonised with borderline personality disorder a few years ago.
Anyway long story short I was seeing a girl for about 6 months and until recently it was going so good, but she recently told me that everything is going too fast and she wants to slow it down, but there is me who falls to quickly and deeply getting worried and then I am on her case constantly being obsessive etc.. I do love her and she says she loves me but I have ultimately pushed her away..
Now she has ended it and said she wants to see how we are as friends first, but the thing is we are still doing the same stuff as we were when when was together, kissing, cuddling, sex etc... but it mostly on her terms. This is confusing the hell out of me and lately she is up and down like a yo-yo, one minute she wanna know the next she don't. Hot and cold.
She does have her own stuff to deal with right now she recently moved back to her mum and dads because her ex was abusive and hit her etc and she has moved out of her flat to get away from him, she has a daughter at 3 years old so there isn't any stability there and I think that maybe why, she is getting a lot of stress lately.
Anyway, because of my own issues and I probably ultimately pushed her to this because of my issues I am feeling extremely low again and having suicidal thoughts. (not just because of her but my depression in general, this has just made it worse) I really do love her and I know it's only been 6 months but still.. I've never met anyone who has made me feel like she has, the communication, how we get on, sex life all of it is amazing.
I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this and I don't know what else to do, I try and tell her that I'm here for her but I dunno what else to do... maybe I should just walk away because it's hurting me too much to keep chasing her. But it's so hard to walk away knowing how I feel, I just keep sobbing daily, I may sound pathetic but I feel a lot more emotions than people without mental health issues and it's really the worst feeling in this world this pain.
Thanks for reading.