Apologising to someone 20 years later

FeFiDoh · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:16

Hey all,
Recently I was at a local supermarket and I am certain I see someone working there that I went to secondary school with. We we were together for around a year when we were 15. I am now 34.

I treated her kind of crappy and broke up with her. She spiralled a little bit and it was a little messy.

I haven't seen or spoken to her since school, she wasn't on Facebook at any point I was etc..

Would it be weird/awkward and unnecessary to apologise for being how I behaved in school?
Is it best left unsaid and just write it off as being kids?

It does bug me a little that I did it to her but in apologising am I just trying to make myself feel better for something she probably doesn't care about?

What would you do?

Sankari · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:18

If it bugs you, apologise. The worse she can do is say 'Hey, no big deal', and if she does, then it's still all good.

LuckyBenski · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:22

But don't do it while she's at work. If you do get talking, and end up having a coffee, then it's fair to say "I wasn't very good to you and I'm sorry". But don't do it if she's not given you the time of day or is actually doing her own stuff.

Tek81 · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:26

Are you single?

Efour · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:26

Do the opposite. Tell her fast quick and easy. Who actually cares? Once you got it off your chest its over.

Efour · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:27

tek81 said:
Are you single?

obviously

Tek81 · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:27

Efour said:
obviously

You never know these days

Stumble Bum · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:28

Leave her alone weirdo.

FeFiDoh · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:31

I am not single.

Being far enough removed from it I can realise how much of a douche I was in general at school.

What's that movie with Adam Sandler where he apologies to Steve Buschemi and gets taken off his hit list? Maybe that will happen.

Tek81 · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:34

FeFiDoh said:
I am not single.

Being far enough removed from it I can realise how much of a douche I was in general at school.

What's that movie with Adam Sandler where he apologies to Steve Buschemi and gets taken off his hit list? Maybe that will happen.

Then leave well alone. You've moved on, she likely has as well. No point at all in stirring up bad memories; least not ones from two decades ago.

Semple · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:39

Could do with a poll and see what people's opinions are: apologise or don't apologise.

Frankly i imagine she hasn't given you a second thought, and to randomly come out of the blue and apologise like that she'll probably think is a bit weird.

Randomface74 · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:41

I wouldn't go out of your way to do it. If you bump into her again it'd be OK though.
One time I bumped into a bully and he apologised to me. There's no way I'd really forgive or forget, but there's some closure from knowing he's not a bully anymore.

Efour · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:44

90% of people are gonna say dont bother, no need for a poll, Your GFs gonna think its weird that you are bothered about some ex 20 years ago...
like you say you were a kid, an ahole, she knows that too she was there.

Obviously its bothering you to a degree where you think asking a bunch of strangers is important. You sure theres nothing else to this. Bored with current GF would be my guess?

Tek81 · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:47

The thing is, any desire to apologise would surely be based up the belief that the recipient still holds some level of emotional connection to the event/s. After 20 years, that's highly unlikely. Which essentially means that an apology would only serve the purpose of making the provider feel better about themselves. Unless of course, there's an undisclosed agenda...

BUDFORCE · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:53

What did you do to her????

krooton · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:53

20 years after school and she is working in tesco? That's on you dude.

neckbeardthethird · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:53

Evangelion said:
If it bugs you, apologise. The worse she can do is say 'Hey, no big deal', and if she does, then it's still all good.

Or she's been holding a two decade grudge, slowly formulating a plan to gain revenge on the boy who dumped her age 15 and sent her on a downwards spiral resulting in her working in a supermarket rather than fulfilling her life ambition to become a lawyer.

My best advice would be to approach her when she's a significant distance from the Kitchen Utensils aisle

Sankari · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:57

neckbeardthethird said:
Or she's been holding a two decade grudge, slowly formulating a plan to gain revenge on the boy who dumped her age 15 and sent her on a downwards spiral resulting in her working in a supermarket rather than fulfilling her life ambition to become a lawyer.

My best advice would be to approach her when she's a significant distance from the Kitchen Utensils aisle

Just grab a frying pan and yell 'Bring it, bitch!'

LOAM · 11 Aug 2019 at 12:59

Where does she sit on the omgiwanttoporkherometer?

Moley · 11 Aug 2019 at 13:02

When I was in middle school, 40+ years ago, I was a bit of a **** - a bully at times - to my 'best friend'. I didn't know it at the time, I thought that was how you interacted with people you liked because I was being bullied at home by my two older cousins and didn't know any better. Later on as an adult I figured it all out and as happenstance would have it a Facebook group was formed for our old school - my old 'best friend' was in there and I messaged him to say 'Hi, don't know if you remember me, hope you are well'. He responded positively and I apologized for my behavior as a kid. His generous response was to laugh it off, point out that kids can be cruel and told me not to worry about it.

People either carry grudges for years or forget about it and make something of their lives, but either way there is no harm in offering an apology - it might just be deeply appreciated and you have nothing to lose.