Apologising to someone 20 years later

Caporegime
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I'd think you were after something or a bit weird, one or both of which is probably true if you look deep within your soul :p.

You may also be over-attributing your behaviour to her outcome, which would be a little narcissistic if true.
 
Soldato
OP
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I am not saying she has ended up working in a supermarket because of me, as if by the way that is itself is somehow some giant unjust thing to happen. Nothing wrong with it at all so why that would be an issue I don't know.

What I was trying say is I just happened to see her working there so chances of seeing her again there are quite high.

More importantly for some time in school her behaviour changed so drastically I feel awful for making someone go through that.
 
Associate
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Up the tree
I remember when I was in High School I bullied the crap out of a gay guy when i was like 14. I was in with a bad crowd and it was something I regretted. I'm married to a man now, haha.

5 years ago I seen him outside a pub, he was in having a cigarette. I went out and spoke to him and apologized, made me feel so much better. We chatted for a while and that was the end of that.

It is always worth apologising if you think you're in the wrong. It will clear your conscience.
 
Soldato
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I'd say if you bump into her and start talking then that's ok, but like others have said I wouldn't go out of my way to find her to say it. It's very likely she's moved on from it. But I've not been on either side of that situation so couldn't really say what she'd be feeling. If it's really bugging you that much, just do it, it's not really going to change anything, other than letting go of some of that guilt you've held onto.
 
Associate
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I believe that amends should only be made if doing so does no harm to that person, or anyone else. Obviously none of us know exactly what went on between the 2 of you and can't help you make this decision with any skill because of this. If your desire to apologise comes from a good place, I'd say that you should consider the impact of your apology is likely to have on her. Will it give her some closure? Will it reopen emotional scars best left healed? Will she simply shrug it off as a long forgotten hurt which no longer has the ability to sting?

I follow a 12 step programme which requires making amends for previous poor behaviour and I've come to believe that sometimes the best amends you can make is to stay out of someone's life. My experience has also taught me that once I've apologised, how that person reacts is not under my control. Are you ready to deal with her reactionto your apology?
 
Caporegime
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I remember when I was in High School I bullied the crap out of a gay guy when i was like 14. I was in with a bad crowd and it was something I regretted. I'm married to a man now, haha.

LOL, brilliant. You were the literal example of "ah homophobes are probably gay themselves and can't deal with it" :D

Glad you got it sorted out in the end though, probably did help that you'd come out too when you apologised to him later.
 
Soldato
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You were 15. If someone came up to me and apologised for something they did to me 20 odd years previously I’d think they were off their rocker. Unless it was something exceptionally nasty I’d never worry about it.
Is she fit?
 

V F

V F

Soldato
Joined
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UK
You were 15. If someone came up to me and apologised for something they did to me 20 odd years previously I’d think they were off their rocker. Unless it was something exceptionally nasty I’d never worry about it.
Is she fit?

It would be funny if it was like the Everybody Loves Raymond episode and she didn't remember and hoped you didn't dwell on it all that time and laughed.
 
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