Apologising to someone 20 years later

Soldato
Joined
16 Sep 2005
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What used to be a UK
Hey all,
Recently I was at a local supermarket and I am certain I see someone working there that I went to secondary school with. We we were together for around a year when we were 15. I am now 34.

I treated her kind of crappy and broke up with her. She spiralled a little bit and it was a little messy.

I haven't seen or spoken to her since school, she wasn't on Facebook at any point I was etc..

Would it be weird/awkward and unnecessary to apologise for being how I behaved in school?
Is it best left unsaid and just write it off as being kids?

It does bug me a little that I did it to her but in apologising am I just trying to make myself feel better for something she probably doesn't care about?

What would you do?

Be a decent human being and apologize.
 
Soldato
Joined
2 May 2011
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11,868
Location
Woking
Hey all,
Recently I was at a local supermarket and I am certain I see someone working there that I went to secondary school with. We we were together for around a year when we were 15. I am now 34.

I treated her kind of crappy and broke up with her. She spiralled a little bit and it was a little messy.

I haven't seen or spoken to her since school, she wasn't on Facebook at any point I was etc..

Would it be weird/awkward and unnecessary to apologise for being how I behaved in school?
Is it best left unsaid and just write it off as being kids?

It does bug me a little that I did it to her but in apologising am I just trying to make myself feel better for something she probably doesn't care about?

What would you do?

Very much not proud of this, but there was a guy in secondary school that we gave quite a hard time. I guess you'd call it bullying, but I didn't quite get it at the time.

For years I've had dreams where I've bumped into him and apologised. I like to think that if I saw him somewhere I'd make the effort to at least say sorry.

So, OP, I'd apologise if it's something that weighs on you. As I see it, it costs very little to apologise but you and the person you're apologising too muight get some solace from it.
 
Soldato
Joined
1 Dec 2003
Posts
3,489
you were only 15 , no one holds grudges at that age do they? unless it was something really nasty
i'm not sure, it could be inappropriate but if it's weighing on you....
 

mrk

mrk

Man of Honour
Joined
18 Oct 2002
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100,003
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South Coast
No idea what kind of character you are so nobody on this forum can really tell you what to do. The right kind of person can make amends very easily even after so long, but it requires both people to be mature enough to appreciate the genuine nature of it. If one person is mentally incapable of it then it just won't work. Words will just be words.

Typically on the internet you will rarely find the sensible approach on these types of matters because it requires you to have enough self awareness and know what the other person was and now is like in order to come to a decision on what to do.

One thing is clear though, either option is neither right or wrong. A tailored suit that only fits the right person. If you are not sure what this person is like mentally now, then the safe option is the best option.
 
Associate
Joined
8 Nov 2006
Posts
1,385
Bad experiences at that age can stay with you, I think its a nice thing to do, nice things like that can restore your faith that there are good people out there, it can almost undo the bad.
 
Soldato
Joined
23 Oct 2002
Posts
13,597
Hey all,
Recently I was at a local supermarket and I am certain I see someone working there that I went to secondary school with. We we were together for around a year when we were 15. I am now 34.

I treated her kind of crappy and broke up with her. She spiralled a little bit and it was a little messy.

I haven't seen or spoken to her since school, she wasn't on Facebook at any point I was etc..

Would it be weird/awkward and unnecessary to apologise for being how I behaved in school?
Is it best left unsaid and just write it off as being kids?

It does bug me a little that I did it to her but in apologising am I just trying to make myself feel better for something she probably doesn't care about?

What would you do?

The one thing to bear in mind is that you would be doing this for yourself/your own piece of mind.

She will have got over it by now.

If she took it really bad/or had some disposition then even now she would have some coping mechanism to deal with it and you bringing it up again would be like putting salt on a wound.

Leave it alone an learn from it.
 
Soldato
Joined
6 Oct 2004
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18,300
Location
Birmingham
Flipping this round, if one of my exes came up to me today and apologised for e.g. cheating on me when we were in our teens, my first thought would be "go **** yourself you selfish ****", followed by "what are you after so you can try to screw me again?". Not saying she'd react the same, but sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie
 
Soldato
OP
Joined
17 Aug 2005
Posts
7,612
Location
Swindon
Would you have given a crap if you hadn’t chanced upon her at the local Tossco?

If yes then apologies are in order, if no then move on with your life.

Yeah it's bothered me in the past. Quite a lot of my behaviour in my past bothers me. You get older, have life experiences that put you on the other side of it and it makes you realise.

Yeah I was 15, but at 15/16 though there are things you go through that do shape some of your life for at some some time afterwards.

Asking the internet is not the greatest idea agreed, but there are people who have either done it or been on the end of it. It was more curiosity than anything.
 
Soldato
Joined
5 Feb 2009
Posts
15,910
Location
N. Ireland
If you do decide to apologise please video it for all to see.
yea, it'll be good to see the 'before' video to compare to the after video which the police officers body cam will capture when she calls them 'cause some weirdo from when she was a kid has started acting weird around her again :p

on a side note, it's ******* you!! i was trawling the home and garden forum last week for the dude who had a build log up about his man cave - thought my head was starting to go as i couldn't for the life of me find it and there it is there buried in your sig!!
 
Soldato
Joined
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5,356
Location
Derbyshire
on a side note, it's ******* you!! i was trawling the home and garden forum last week for the dude who had a build log up about his man cave - thought my head was starting to go as i couldn't for the life of me find it and there it is there buried in your sig!!

I'm offended!!! @smogsy has the log cabin (don't quote me but he may have moved and left it behind). I have an insulated block and rendered man cave in the garden :D (shortly about to get 10Gb fibre into it). Bet you're well angry you didn't realise I was sat in the cave these past few evenings whilst we've been fragging out lol.
 
Soldato
Joined
5 Feb 2009
Posts
15,910
Location
N. Ireland
I'm offended!!! @smogsy has the log cabin (don't quote me but he may have moved and left it behind). I have an insulated block and rendered man cave in the garden :D (shortly about to get 10Gb fibre into it). Bet you're well angry you didn't realise I was sat in the cave these past few evenings whilst we've been fragging out lol.
oh i found the log cabin but it was your pad i was looking for. may need a washing machine room at our gaff built and am going to use your layout to convince her indoors i could easily add a man cave to it. and yea i am well piddled off, i was actually in half a mind to ask in the discord if anyone knew who it was as i remembered that they were an avid gamer!! you may regret that i've found you though (there may be questions to follow in your thread :p)
 
Soldato
Joined
5 Nov 2011
Posts
5,356
Location
Derbyshire
oh i found the log cabin but it was your pad i was looking for. may need a washing machine room at our gaff built and am going to use your layout to convince her indoors i could easily add a man cave to it. and yea i am well piddled off, i was actually in half a mind to ask in the discord if anyone knew who it was as i remembered that they were an avid gamer!! you may regret that i've found you though (there may be questions to follow in your thread :p)

That is no problem at all! You carry me. I answer questions on mancave. Definitely worth persuading her indoors. It gives you better hiding places for more expensive goodies lol.
 
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