**The Mental Health Thread**

[russell664]

Hi all,

Just want to get a few things off my chest. Not really sure how to explain it, or why it has come on so strong but its such and odd feeling and I feel it more and more.

My head feels like it is spinning inside, if that makes sense with a heaviness feeling? Any anticpation for any event gives me anxiety and i'm really strugling with it. My other half also struggles and has done for the last few months and I am trying to be there for her in the best way I can be and try to distract her and make her feel better.
The problem is, we have recently moved bought a house together and the stress of it all has really worked me up - It's worked us both up. Everything feel through on the way up to it, and has to work out anohter way to buy this house, eventually it all went thorugh - at the time I thought 'well the hard bit is done' it really isn't.

Endless jobs, just haven't stopped in these last few weeks and literally everything seems to be taking longer than it needs to, or breaks, or doesn't work. The second week in I went to open the garage door after being at it for 12 hours straight (Painting, sawing, moving boxes, driving etc...) and the door fell off and I almost lost it and just wanted to curl up and cry. Admittedly, we have done so much in these last few weeks and it's like a new house with new floors, new gloss, light fittings etc... I know I should feel proud and furfilled but right now I just feel fed up and down and can't seem to pull myself out of it. Everyone asks me how it's going and I don;t feel happy, just meh.

I just want to sit in the bedroom and do nothing, not move just sit while trying to stop all these thoughts running through my head. Wishing I could just soffocate them out of my mind. labido is down. could cry at any minute. Barely sleep, if I do it isn't good sleep.

Me and the other half had a talk about making time for us, which we are working on now instead of just basically doing the do all the time along with the needs and wants and a few issues, that went well.

Now i'm very selfless, so my fiancee and two girls come before me always, it's always been like that. But i really don't know what to do with myself, i'm happy that I have everything i've always wanted, own house, my girls, a few friends etc... but after everything and dealing with anxiety and feeling on edge whenever I have to make any decision is really tiring me out.

Maybe i'm burnt out. If i'm not doing stuff in the house, or going to the tip, i'm making sure everyone else is ok. Firework season isn't great for us, no one likes them and the dog goes nuts making the anxiety of everyone else but me worse, but in turn makes me worse because i'm trying to make sure everytone is okay because I can't just leave them. A massive one went off when i went out for 10 mins yesterday and everyone was in bits.
Maybe 10 mins for myself in the meantime but I'm finding myself having thoughts about stuff I don't want and also being OCD makes matters worse.

I haven't been on medication for over 3 years and I was doing so well, and don't really want to go on them again as they made me so much worse. Just seem unable to relax.

I can't seem to make decisions, people talk to me and I struggle to take everything in, I feel like i'm on another planet. I'm normally sensitive, but recently even more so, everything is getting to me a little and i'm trying to look 'normal' from the olutside, and be loving all while i'm musting inside my own head. My other half knows about my problems, but I can't lay everything out on her as she is struggling too and I want to be a man and hold her up and be the rock she needs at this time.

I know things will get better, i'm just struggling so hard.
Got modern warefare yesterday so might try to distract myself on there.

Sorry for the wall of text.

 

[secretspy]

@russell664

I can relate in some ways. I finally got on the property ladder for the first time last Sept at the age of 33. However, it wasn't until the previous owners had moved their stuff out that I saw just how disgusting the walls etc were. I made the decision to change the flooring and carpets which was an unexpected cost but had to be done.

It had to be treated for fleas too. it took me 3 months to get it all decorated (and it was only a 2 bed flat!) I ran myself into the ground trying to do it all and ended up getting struck down with a bad case of the flu just before Xmas.

Since then I've had the odd issue - boiler pump going, car alloys and tyres needing to be changed, windscreen needing to be replaced, another boiler issue (valve this time). It's all expense, expense, expense and it's all on me. I don't have a partner sharing the house bills.

Its been incredibly stressful and amongst all of it I've also been trying to help my mum with clearing my uncle's flat after he passed away a few months ago.

From all the above one thing I know that needs to be done is time for yourself. Stop and take a breath. Do something fun

Have you and your partner thought about seeing a doctor about your anxiety etc?

I've been back to them recently and just talking to the doctor lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders.

A great piece of advice I learned from counselling too is...it's ok to feel angry, sad etc.

Any time now that I feel things are really getting to me I give myself a day. That day I'll cry and mope as much as I want. That's my day to "wallow" but the next day i get up and keep going again. I know it's probably not easy for you to both do that with kids. Could a grand parent perhaps look after them so you can both have a day to yourselves?

 

[russell664]

@russell664

I can relate in some ways. I finally got on the property ladder for the first time last Sept at the age of 33. However, it wasn't until the previous owners had moved their stuff out that I saw just how disgusting the walls etc were. I made the decision to change the flooring and carpets which was an unexpected cost but had to be done.

It had to be treated for fleas too. it took me 3 months to get it all decorated (and it was only a 2 bed flat!) I ran myself into the ground trying to do it all and ended up getting struck down with a bad case of the flu just before Xmas.

Since then I've had the odd issue - boiler pump going, car alloys and tyres needing to be changed, windscreen needing to be replaced, another boiler issue (valve this time). It's all expense, expense, expense and it's all on me. I don't have a partner sharing the house bills.

Its been incredibly stressful and amongst all of it I've also been trying to help my mum with clearing my uncle's flat after he passed away a few months ago.

From all the above one thing I know that needs to be done is time for yourself. Stop and take a breath. Do something fun

Have you and your partner thought about seeing a doctor about your anxiety etc?

I've been back to them recently and just talking to the doctor lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders.

A great piece of advice I learned from counselling too is...it's ok to feel angry, sad etc.

Any time now that I feel things are really getting to me I give myself a day. That day I'll cry and mope as much as I want. That's my day to "wallow" but the next day i get up and keep going again. I know it's probably not easy for you to both do that with kids. Could a grand parent perhaps look after them so you can both have a day to yourselves?

@secretspy Sorry you had to go through all that, are things now on the up?

Thank you for your advice, I feel better just getting it out there.

I hung some coat hooks 3 weeks ago, last night they cracked the wall and broke off, turns out someone may of pulled on it but won't admit it! Queue to me putting them back up and fixing the bloody wall Then the sink got blocked you can't make it up. Little things I know but they just make you want to explode when you're already on edge.

Anyway, I played Modern Warfare for like 3 hours last night, felt much better for it afterwards. Although, I didn't get any sleep last night at all as I had a few things on my mind.

 

[randomshenans]

That day I'll cry and mope as much as I want. That's my day to "wallow" but the next day i get up and keep going again

I'm quite like this. I have my down days and I am up and down a lot. I do just try and let myself have my mope and then come back swinging. It's hard though when you can't come back from it, and you feel that the cloud encroaches too much to not let you up. I work on small, micro wins daily really, as well as trying to see the bigger picture. I keep the mini wins to boost me daily, while when you have the down days, looking at how far we've come and what I'm grateful for, just having a family like I do, I try to use that to help me get past the ****.

Saying that, I have to go to court on 22nd. Our house funding fell through and the bank wouldn't give us the cash we needed for our build as it was too risky on their part (initial house cost 200k and renovation cost 350k meant the risk of spending the money and not finishing would leave the bank with a house worth less than they have outlaid) which was a total pain as we spent money on architects, planners etc. but it came down to our awful mortgage adviser. He could have foreseen this but was crap. So as we signed the sales agreement to buy the house, but we couldn't, we're now being taken to court for the fees of 29k. Yep. Not only did this process cost us about 7k already, but now they're trying to get that from us. I'm trying to not let it bring me down and I'm focusing on other stuff. Luckily I'm busy AF so I can do that, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been losing sleep over it. All last week I was just lying there until about 4am not sleeping and getting up at 6:30. It was killing me. Have been sleeping better this week as I've been cycling more, so I'm bloody shattered at the end of the day, so I'll keep that up and hope it helps me.
What's the worst that can happen? They make me pay them 30k... ah well, I don't have that now, so **** it. Still have a job, wonderful kids and wife. If they took everything, it's only stuff. That's how I justify it anyway

 

[Yadda]

I thought I should update the thread with some positive news.

My brother visited yesterday. He lives on the other side of the UK and we only get to meet up a few times a year. Anyway, he saw for himself what the score is with mum and we had a good chat. It's helped a lot and I no longer feel like a pressure cooker.

 

[MOOGLEYS]

Had a not too bad week but today feeling again Anxious and horrid. Have a new schedule to try and get of the Prednisolone and just done two days at 9mg and back to 10mg today. No idea if it’s the Pred or just me but I feel blehhhhh.....

 

[Arthur Hucksake]

Suicide is genuinely starting to feel like a decent career move. The place drives me crackers.

Psychosis, Anxiety and several different medications on the go. Just doesn't feel like i'm getting anywhere with it.

Trying to act "normal" is getting tiresome and i'm struggling to push back the voices and weird noises.

My brain left it till my mid 30s to start this mess off without much warning.

I don't know how people are meant to cope with this long term, I really don't.

 

[secretspy]

@secretspy Sorry you had to go through all that, are things now on the up?

Thank you for your advice, I feel better just getting it out there.

A little. Thankfully (touch wood) nothing else has happened but now I'm still trying to clear off the car costs.

It seemed to happen in threes like they say. Alloys and tyres needed changing, then the valve went on another tyre and BMW said they'd have to change the tyre. Luckily when I went to collect it the technician had actually bothered to check it and established it was fine so just the valve was changed.

Then I was waiting for a car to turn into a driveway and something fell off a tree and hit my windscreen on the edge and cracked across the screen. Managed to go through insurance for replacement but still had a £75 excess. I knew when I moved that I'd likely have to change my car but now it seems to be sooner rather than later.

I'm expecting a little money from the sale of my uncle's flat so that will help but I have car tax due end of Dec and then MOT due in Jan. I'm trying to find a part time job for the weekends but either can't find any that suit what I can do or they don't want to "take my application any further." :/

I've let my tiredness get the better of me lately but trying to give myself a kick up the butt !

 

[MOOGLEYS]

Suicide is genuinely starting to feel like a decent career move. The place drives me crackers.

Psychosis, Anxiety and several different medications on the go. Just doesn't feel like i'm getting anywhere with it.

Trying to act "normal" is getting tiresome and i'm struggling to push back the voices and weird noises.

My brain left it till my mid 30s to start this mess off without much warning.

I don't know how people are meant to cope with this long term, I really don't.

Have you tried talking to a doc or psychologist mate ? I have felt awful at times and talking helps I’m doing CBT at the moment and tbh just talking to someone that understands helps. I hate all the ups and downs I feel good for a bit and then out of nowhere I just feel awful with no real trigger I can think of other than meds. My GP is convinced it’s the Prednisolone but my Endocrinologist is not as convinced although agrees I need to come of it very slowly.

I try and see every day as a small challenge and each one I get through is another day I have beaten this horrid illness.....

 

[Arthur Hucksake]

Have you tried talking to a doc or psychologist mate ? I have felt awful at times and talking helps I’m doing CBT at the moment and tbh just talking to someone that understands helps. I hate all the ups and downs I feel good for a bit and then out of nowhere I just feel awful with no real trigger I can think of. I try and see every day as a small challenge and each one I get through is another day I have beaten this horrid illness.....

I'm not receiving CBT or counselling of any sort although I am under the community mental health care team. I have my own CPN as such.

At the stage of just nailing meds and hoping for the best. Just don't understand how i'm expected to function at 100% while im tripping balls and hearing all sorts of horrible things.

Suppose we all have our demons, just I can physically hear mine.

I hope you have more better days than not Moogleys!

 

[MOOGLEYS]

I'm not receiving CBT or counselling of any sort although I am under the community mental health care team. I have my own CPN as such.

At the stage of just nailing meds and hoping for the best. Just don't understand how i'm expected to function at 100% while im tripping balls and hearing all sorts of horrible things.

Suppose we all have our demons, just I can physically hear mine.

I hope you have more better days than not Moogleys!

Have you thought about CBT or talking therapy it might be helpful. Be careful with the meds some might make things worse I would stick to what’s prescribed.

I’m struggling too finding it hard to just carry on and getting fed up with it all. When I start to feel a bit better and feel I have it under control it likes to remind me that I’m not. It’s a horrid feeling especially after being a bit better for a while.

I also get some weird intrusive thoughts at times which makes the anxiety much worse.

Same for you mate hope you can get some help and get things a bit better.

 

[RxR]

...
Just don't understand how i'm expected to function at 100% while im tripping balls and hearing all sorts of horrible things.
...

You aren't expected to function at 100% when your cognitive load is above normal operating capacity constraints. Would you expect a machine to operate as normal for any amount of time above its functional-range design limits?

...
Suppose we all have our demons, just I can physically hear mine.

Indeed, its a common-enough but beatable problem with expert / experienced assistance. Once you get that, you will quickly gain the knowledge and skill by practice at regaining control.

Though it is a point-scorable battle for control when you are under 'attack' of timed rounds lasting 3 seconds (p.3000 /one mental breath) then 6 seconds, then 10 secs (the time as-complexity trigger), 20 seconds (automatic conclusion time), and 40 seconds (when the original doubt automatically makes a cyclic reappearance).

You will have recovered (and gain increasing peace of mind) when you can progressively silence your 'opposer' / 'heard voice' and the residual trauma and guilt they have induced for each of those timeframes in succession.

The turning point: when you will believe you can beat the problem, AND you actually have a greater than 70% chance of being able to beat the problem (on a particular issue / topic) using your mind occurs at the 10 second mark.

Your first target is to aim to silence your inner doubter for 3 seconds.

 

[Arthur Hucksake]

You aren't expected to function at 100% when your cognitive load is above normal operating capacity constraints. Would you expect a machine to operate as normal for any amount of time above its functional-range design limits?



Indeed, its a common-enough but beatable problem with expert / experienced assistance. Once you get that, you will quickly gain the knowledge and skill by practice at regaining control.

Though it is a point-scorable battle for control when you are under 'attack' of timed rounds lasting 3 seconds (p.3000 /one mental breath) then 6 seconds, then 10 secs (the time as-complexity trigger), 20 seconds (automatic conclusion time), and 40 seconds (when the original doubt automatically makes a cyclic reappearance).

You will have recovered (and gain increasing peace of mind) when you can progressively silence your 'opposer' / 'heard voice' and the residual trauma and guilt they have induced for each of those timeframes in succession.

The turning point: when you will believe you can beat the problem, AND you actually have a greater than 70% chance of being able to beat the problem (on a particular issue / topic) using your mind occurs at the 10 second mark.

Your first target is to aim to silence your inner doubter for 3 seconds.

Thank you for your time. Will give this a good read over until it sinks in.

 

[Pez]

You aren't expected to function at 100% when your cognitive load is above normal operating capacity constraints. Would you expect a machine to operate as normal for any amount of time above its functional-range design limits?



Indeed, its a common-enough but beatable problem with expert / experienced assistance. Once you get that, you will quickly gain the knowledge and skill by practice at regaining control.

Though it is a point-scorable battle for control when you are under 'attack' of timed rounds lasting 3 seconds (p.3000 /one mental breath) then 6 seconds, then 10 secs (the time as-complexity trigger), 20 seconds (automatic conclusion time), and 40 seconds (when the original doubt automatically makes a cyclic reappearance).

You will have recovered (and gain increasing peace of mind) when you can progressively silence your 'opposer' / 'heard voice' and the residual trauma and guilt they have induced for each of those timeframes in succession.

The turning point: when you will believe you can beat the problem, AND you actually have a greater than 70% chance of being able to beat the problem (on a particular issue / topic) using your mind occurs at the 10 second mark.

Your first target is to aim to silence your inner doubter for 3 seconds.

Crikey - I've suffered from PTSD for years and that post has stopped me in my tracks and made me re-think.

That machine analogy is also spot on.

Thanks

 

[LuckyBenski]

Excellent food for thought @RxR

 

[MOOGLEYS]

Great post that.....

 

[RxR]

[QUOTE="RxR, post: 33155336, member: 21710]
Your first target is to aim to silence your inner doubter for 3 seconds.[/QUOTE]


\\premature post. Prep Method following...

 

[RxR]

Your first target is to aim to silence your inner doubter for 3 seconds.

It is useful to first quickly recover how fast you can detect onset of a doubt (self-doubt or inbound from some other entity) - since your normal onset detection speed drops as a result of the prolonged fatigue that comes with (chronic) stress.

The fastest way to improve that speed takes 30 seconds. Sometimes 60 seconds.

This exercise requires you to sit quietly for a timed 30 seconds and only write down a tally mark / stroke mark on paper each time a negative thought of any kind occurs in your mind during the 30 seconds.

This exercise is best performed when you are experiencing any state of distress that frequently occurs to you.

The goal is to quickly obtain an accurate count of how many individual unhelpful or negative thoughts are naturally occuring in your mind at this time during a brief time interval.

You can use this initial thought-count information (your hard data) to measure your own progress by performing this exercise again after you have commenced any activities designed to help you improve your control of your thinking process.

Do not try to force getting either a high or low count. Let your thought flow freely during this exercise.

Detection Speed Recovery Method
============================
1. Materials:
A small piece or area of blank paper
A pencil or pen
Any one of a phone timer app, or stopwatch, or watch or clock with a seconds arm
Any quiet area or room where you can be alone uninterrupted for a minute

2. Procedure:

Check you will not be interrupted by another person in your current location for the next minute or two.

Get comfortable where you are sitting or standing.

Place your recording paper on a flat surface.

Make sure your pen / pencil works by writing something - eg. Write the date on the paper

Set your phone timer to 30 seconds countdown - or, decide to wait until the seconds hand reaches your choice of either the "12", or "6" , position on the watch dial as your starting position time.

Now, If your sitting / standing posture is comfortable:

1. Press start (phone timer) or begin when the seconds hand reaches watch dial point 12 or 6.

2. Record a tally mark (vertical line stroke) on the paper once each time any negative thought occurs.

3. Stop recording when 30 seconds has elapsed.

4. Now count up the tally marks and write the count down in numbers - eg. "3", or "21", etc.

 

[RxR]

Some reference negative thought counts from actual cases, at initial counts by timings:

6yo autistic boy experiencing bullying at school - 60 second count: 45

16yo female high school student, IQ 115, worried about upcoming Senior high school exams, 30 second count: 22

19 yo female university student with Aspergers, worried about her weight / body image, 60 second count: 40

50 yo male experiencing hallucinations in several senses (auditory, tactile) 60 second count: 42

======================================

The important post-count question is:

If a bad person came into your house without your permission and insulted you, or a friend, a child or a parent that many times, would their behaviour be acceptable? Yes or No

Would that insulting person be a tyrant? Yes or No

If a good and irreplaceable machine the whole family really depends on every day broke down or malfunctioned that many times in 30 or 60 seconds, does it deserve to be fixed? Yes or No

 

[morbid42]

======================================
The important post-count question is:

If a bad person came into your house without your permission and insulted you, or a friend, a child or a parent that many times, would their behaviour be acceptable? Yes or No

Would that insulting person be a tyrant? Yes or No

If a good and irreplaceable machine the whole family really depends on every day broke down or malfunctioned that many times in 30 or 60 seconds, does it deserve to be fixed? Yes or No

No,
No,
No.