The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Nevakonaza · 21 Jan 2020 at 16:17

Thought this would be the best place to ask,

Anyone ever had a situation with a woman where for whatever reason out of the blue you both just lock eyes for what seems forever, and it seems like the whole world outside of those locked eyes has paused?

I've experienced this with the same woman colleague on a good 3 occasions now,
I ain’t going to lie I do like her, I know she's in a relationship though, I'm not.. but yeah for someone that isn't the best confidence wise, I have felt totally relaxed when this happens neither of us look down or anything during the break away from it.

What's your guys view on this is, Is it blatantly obvious why? One of those situations where my head just wants to explode lol.

Monkeynut · 21 Jan 2020 at 16:19

She's in a relationship... Sounds like hard work. And if you succeed you're creating that hurt on the other end.

.Lethal · 21 Jan 2020 at 16:20

Nevakonaza said:
What's your guys view on this is

Shes in a relationship, until otherwise stop thinking about it.

tom_e · 21 Jan 2020 at 16:22

.Lethal said:
Shes in a relationship, until otherwise stop thinking about it.

This.

Nevakonaza · 21 Jan 2020 at 16:30

Oh don't get me wrong guy's I have no intention of perusing anything,I'm single and enjoy been single, just one of those things that makes u think, what's doing on lol, especially when you've never really had this before.

Roar87 · 21 Jan 2020 at 16:35

Are men on here so conditioned they no longer compete over women? Unless they're married or have kids with someone then it's fair game if you actually like her and could see her as a girlfriend. Most decent women will have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean they're happy with them. Also when she leaves her boyfriend for someone that's not you, you'll feel pretty stupid.

Steampunk · 21 Jan 2020 at 17:11

Nevakonaza said:
Thought this would be the best place to ask,

Anyone ever had a situation with a woman where for whatever reason out of the blue you both just lock eyes for what seems forever, and it seems like the whole world outside of those locked eyes has paused?

I've experienced this with the same woman colleague on a good 3 occasions now,
I ain’t going to lie I do like her, I know she's in a relationship though, I'm not.. but yeah for someone that isn't the best confidence wise, I have felt totally relaxed when this happens neither of us look down or anything during the break away from it.

What's your guys view on this is, Is it blatantly obvious why? One of those situations where my head just wants to explode lol.

How do you know she feels the same way and you're not just reading something into it that isn't there? Making unwelcome moves on a work colleague is a minefield nowadays.

ChrisD. · 21 Jan 2020 at 17:16

Stay away from work women, especially ones in a relationship.

.Lethal · 21 Jan 2020 at 17:24

Roar87 said:
Are men on here so conditioned they no longer compete over women? Unless they're married or have kids with someone then it's fair game if you actually like her and could see her as a girlfriend. Most decent women will have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean they're happy with them. Also when she leaves her boyfriend for someone that's not you, you'll feel pretty stupid.

Because it leads to a lot of tears and drama.

Vidar · 21 Jan 2020 at 17:38

ChrisD. said:
Stay away from work women, especially ones in a relationship.

.Lethal said:
Because it leads to a lot of tears and drama.

This & this... especially when it's involving someone at work!

Roar87 · 21 Jan 2020 at 17:53

.Lethal said:
Because it leads to a lot of tears and drama.

On the other hand you can miss out on someone you really like because some other guy happened to meet her first. I think some of you are just projecting and just dislike the idea of someone trying it on with your girlfriend. Men compete for women, deal with it.

arknor · 21 Jan 2020 at 18:23

Roar87 said:
Are men on here so conditioned they no longer compete over women? Unless they're married or have kids with someone then it's fair game if you actually like her and could see her as a girlfriend. Most decent women will have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean they're happy with them. Also when she leaves her boyfriend for someone that's not you, you'll feel pretty stupid.

and when they leave you for someone else, you'll feel pretty stupid

Most decent women won't leave their boyfriend because someone else came along that they fancied.

some people get bored in a relationship once the novelty period wears off, they chase this feeling until they finally realise it's not something that lasts or they are to old and their looks have faded so finally settle with what they have or stay single...

.Lethal · 21 Jan 2020 at 18:30

Roar87 said:
On the other hand you can miss out on someone you really like because some other guy happened to meet her first. I think some of you are just projecting and just dislike the idea of someone trying it on with your girlfriend. Men compete for women, deal with it.

Speaking from experience it doesn't end well. I have no doubt some do, but chasing someone you also work with is asking for trouble.

I wonder if you've gone after a girl who was in the middle of a previous relationship and didn't have any issue of trust later down the line, not to mention the drama that usually comes with it.

tom_e · 21 Jan 2020 at 18:37

Roar87 said:
Are men on here so conditioned they no longer compete over women? Unless they're married or have kids with someone then it's fair game if you actually like her and could see her as a girlfriend. Most decent women will have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean they're happy with them. Also when she leaves her boyfriend for someone that's not you, you'll feel pretty stupid.

In that case why does being married or having kids make a difference?

Roar87 · 21 Jan 2020 at 19:17

arknor said:
Most decent women won't leave their boyfriend because someone else came along that they fancied.

Do you not think that good people sometimes find someone new and eventually build up the courage to end their unhappy relationship and move on?

.Lethal said:
Speaking from experience it doesn't end well. I have no doubt some do, but chasing someone you also work with is asking for trouble.

I wonder if you've gone after a girl who was in the middle of a previous relationship and didn't have any issue of trust later down the line, not to mention the drama that usually comes with it.

Most relationships don't end well whatever the circumstances. What even is ending well? Dying together after being married for 40 years, how often does that happen these days? How many of those relationships should've ended 25 years earlier as their was zero romance? Quite a few I bet.

I've gone after lots of girls, I don't have trust issues, there's plenty of signs to spot when a girl is cheating so it's not like you actually have to worry about it - it'll be obvious.

Vidar · 21 Jan 2020 at 19:21

This alpha male approach to women and dating is really starting to grate on me, while confidence is a good thing and presenting yourself in the best possible (truthful) light while dating is no bad thing. It shouldn't take a back seat to being a generally decent human being!

A girl being in a relationship should be a clear indication to leave it alone, not seen as a challenge. You might be an absolute stud when it comes to women, might know all the techniques in getting exactly the outcome you desire. But if you're doing so with the intention of causing harm or regardless of the fall out because you just don't care then you're pretty abhorrent.

If a girl doesn't tell you she's in a relationship that's on her and to be honest do you really want to be with someone who is able to cheat and has form doing so? I know I sure as hell wouldn't!

.Lethal · 21 Jan 2020 at 19:23

Roar87 said:
What even is ending well?

This says a lot about yourself if you need to ask without the sarcasm.

Roar87 · 21 Jan 2020 at 19:48

Vidar said:
This alpha male approach to women and dating is really starting to grate on me, while confidence is a good thing and presenting yourself in the best possible (truthful) light while dating is no bad thing. It shouldn't take a back seat to being a generally decent human being!

A girl being in a relationship should be a clear indication to leave it alone, not seen as a challenge. You might be an absolute stud when it comes to women, might know all the techniques in getting exactly the outcome you desire. But if you're doing so with the intention of causing harm or regardless of the fall out because you just don't care then you're pretty abhorrent.

If a girl doesn't tell you she's in a relationship that's on her and to be honest do you really want to be with someone who is able to cheat and has form doing so? I know I sure as hell wouldn't!

I did caveat my original statement with only going after a girl if you really like her, but to be honest the only people responsible for maintaining a relationship are the two people actually in it. If I got cheated on I'm not going to blame the guy, he doesn't owe me anything, the girl did if she agreed to be in a relationship with me.

malachi · 21 Jan 2020 at 19:57

Out of all the single women in the world and people are lusting over the ones in relationships!?!?? :confused:

Roar87 · 21 Jan 2020 at 20:15

.Lethal said:
This says a lot about yourself if you need to ask without the sarcasm.

It's a philosophical question, most relationships end and then feelings get hurt, I wouldn't go back and not get into a relationship with someone because I felt bad when it ended.