The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Soldato
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Out of all the single women in the world and people are lusting over the ones in relationships!?!?? :confused:

It's the age old adage; people always want what they can't have. Although there is an irony to that, because quite a lot of people are now so quick to give up on relationships that even if they are in one, you've still got a chance.
 
Associate
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Well I've gone from having minimal attention to having quite a bit.
I'm going on a 20km walk for a first date with a lass who matched on bumble. We have quite a lot in common and she seems like a decent person. Date is both our type of perfect date and we both have gear to be out in any weather rain or shine which is a bonus. Even have head torches :D
She's been climbing tonight for the first time in ages, I think she's getting practice in incase date 2 ends up being a climbing session lol.

Trouble is an irish girl started at work in October and I've seen her in the works gym a few times on a morning. We went for a group climbing session last week, a person from work organised it with lots of people at work who have never been and we have been chatting a lot since. I invited her to come climbing with me solo after work on thursday last week before things got quite chatty with the other one. I thought she would forget but she's asked today if we're still going. She seems overly friendly but it might just be friendly she is being but she keeps inviting me to morning gym sessions which I'm declining as I'm currently training elsewhere at the moment and was feeding me her overnight oats off her spoon the other morning to try :confused:

Girl 1 seems adventurous and fun, but work girl is ridiculously attractive and I would say out of my league lol and also keen to get into climbing and being outdoors. Getting a bit worried that with them both keen to climb I'm going to end up having to juggle two about and also my other friend who I've just got into climbing and went be impressed if I was to ditch him for females. Also have gym sessions elsewhere 3 times a week and work and uni work I really don't have time for this type of attention though it's relatively new to me so I'm kind of enjoying it but also worried it may get out of hand. I know work girls should be off the cards but she's super fit, in a modest way and funny to chat to.
 
Soldato
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Trouble is an irish girl started at work in October and I've seen her in the works gym a few times on a morning. We went for a group climbing session last week, a person from work organised it with lots of people at work who have never been and we have been chatting a lot since. I invited her to come climbing with me solo after work on thursday last week before things got quite chatty with the other one. I thought she would forget but she's asked today if we're still going. She seems overly friendly but it might just be friendly she is being but she keeps inviting me to morning gym sessions which I'm declining as I'm currently training elsewhere at the moment and was feeding me her overnight oats off her spoon the other morning to try :confused:

Paying attention to you, asking you to take her out for activities, feeding you by hand. Lots of green lights there. Next step she will be borrowing your clothes, and wondering why you're not making a move. You may think she's out of your league, but she obviously thinks otherwise. If you like her, don't miss your chance before she thinks you're just not that interested in her.
 
Caporegime
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Do you not think that good people sometimes find someone new and eventually build up the courage to end their unhappy relationship and move on?.
I'm not talking about people in an unhappy relationship, if it's unhappy then leave it why would you stick around the misery whilst trying to find someone else?

if they have the freedom to be able to cheat and end a relationship then they arent trapped in an actual abusive relationship they are just being manipulative.
but if it makes you feel less guilty also to be hooking up with a woman whos already got a partner then whatever.. I guess technically you are doing the guy a favour but to me it's just wrong.

there's enough actual single women out there that I don't see the need to lust after ones that are already taken.

random poster cant be bothered to find their name said:
Men compete for women, deal with it.
if you want to compete with someone for the woman then do it! do in in the guys face not behind his back like a little coward manchild whos pretending to be all alpha.

actually compete with the guy! its not a competition if he doesn't know about it.

I would love to know how many people would actually do that, I'm guessing not many because most people with the alpha attitude are little boys trying to overcome their insecurities.

I've known some alpha people in my 38 years on this planet.
and in my experience these alpha types get in a lot of trouble when they are younger, have a fairly high chance of ending up in prison at some point during their late teens.
they tend to not actually be successful at life because they are always finding trouble or looking for a fight.

most of the people who think they are alpha actually aren't.
 
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Caporegime
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for the record my ex dumped me in November I think it was because lack of romance.
I was going to type a long post but I just deleted it since I would have ended up going in to details I probably shouldn't

lets just say someone's line of work when they were around uni age likely damaged her chances of enjoying a relationship and family life.

now shes single with 2 kids, no friends, no jobs, no family close by.
don't know how she will find that romance or even meet a guy.
 
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Soldato
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It's the age old adage; people always want what they can't have. Although there is an irony to that, because quite a lot of people are now so quick to give up on relationships that even if they are in one, you've still got a chance.

Some actually end up getting with that what they cant have and become that "bit on the side" but some peoples lives are so boring they have to cause drama.

I've known some alpha people in my 38 years on this planet.
and in my experience these alpha types get in a lot of trouble when they are younger, have a fairly high chance of ending up in prison at some point during their late teens.
they tend to not actually be successful at life because they are always finding trouble or looking for a fight.

That's not alpha, that's stupid. They are stupid people.
 
Soldato
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for the record my ex dumped me in November I think it was because lack of romance.
I was going to type a long post but I just deleted it since I would have ended up going in to details I probably shouldn't

lets just say someone's line of work when they were around uni age likely damaged her chances of enjoying a relationship and family life.

now shes single with 2 kids, no friends, no jobs, no family close by.
don't know how she will find that romance or even meet a guy.

Well you're obviously bitter, angry and upset. Why are you worrying about your ex meeting someone or finding romance? She's none of your business. A girl isn't going to stay with you because she doesn't have many options, and why would you want her to?

Worry about how you are going to be the best version of yourself this year and how you're going to find a new girl if that's what you want to do
 
Caporegime
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bitter no realistic yes.
how can you expect a romantic spark after almost 5 years when you have two kids 3 and 8 and they aren't both in bed until around 8-9. (by romance I mean actual romance, we did the deed most days)
don't choose to settle down and have kids if your expecting romance and surprises cos kids get in the way of everything especially at those ages.
she was talking about coming to England during the summer holidays and from the way she was talking I thought she wanted to stay with my parents down in the Midlands, but she mentioned staying at mine because Newcastle has beaches. (no, I don't think that means anything, I accepted it was over with minimal fuss)

I'm too old to get angry over a relationship, if she doesn't want to be with me then that's her choice, just her reasons make no sense imo
 
Soldato
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Women speak a different language, they don't actually say what they mean like men do, you have to read between the lines and understand the subtext. When she says romance, she could mean a number of things, does she want to get married? Does she want to be made to feel attractive? If you've been with her a while I wouldn't just write the relationship off if that's her reason
 
Soldato
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bitter no realistic yes.
how can you expect a romantic spark after almost 5 years when you have two kids 3 and 8 and they aren't both in bed until around 8-9. (by romance I mean actual romance, we did the deed most days)
don't choose to settle down and have kids if your expecting romance and surprises cos kids get in the way of everything especially at those ages.
she was talking about coming to England during the summer holidays and from the way she was talking I thought she wanted to stay with my parents down in the Midlands, but she mentioned staying at mine because Newcastle has beaches. (no, I don't think that means anything, I accepted it was over with minimal fuss)

Where is she from?:confused:

Women speak a different language, they don't actually say what they mean like men do, you have to read between the lines and understand the subtext. When she says romance, she could mean a number of things, does she want to get married? Does she want to be made to feel attractive? If you've been with her a while I wouldn't just write the relationship off if that's her reason

True! Been having a taste of that from a girl I've been dating since November :mad:
 

A2Z

A2Z

Soldato
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Anyone else find that after 2 years or so in a relationship, you start to review and think if it's going to last forever? Been with my girlfriend just over 2 years and I am thinking to end things because when I look back at the last 18 months or so, there's been too many times that we have argued and clashed over different things, and it feels like it has been hard work to just get to 2 years! When things are good they are really good, but sooner or later a disagreement always pops up and we don't seem to have the understanding of each other, as though we have not moved forward at all. I would say we are both at fault, but it just makes me wonder whether we are as great a 'fit' as I thought we initially were when we started dating. We have talked a bit about it and she is willing to try make it work.

Things is with my ex nearly exactly the same thing happened... after 2 years together I realised we would not work long-term and ended things and broke her heart. Don't want to keep going round breaking women's hearts it doesn't feel good! At the same time when I do get married for the first time in my life I want it to be the last as well so feel I need to be 100% sure. Or am I just being too picky as well as naïve to think it's possible to be in a stress free relationship with the opposite sex lol.
 
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Don
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Anyone else find that after 2 years or so in a relationship, you start to review and think if it's going to last forever? Been with my girlfriend just over 2 years and I am thinking to end things because when I look back at the last 18 months or so, there's been too many times that we have argued and clashed over different things, and it feels like it has been hard work to just get to 2 years! When things are good they are really good, but sooner or later a disagreement always pops up and we don't seem to have the understanding of each other, as though we have not moved forward at all. I would say we are both at fault, but it just makes me wonder whether we are as great a 'fit' as I thought we initially were when we started dating. We have talked a bit about it and she is willing to try make it work.

Things is with my ex nearly exactly the same thing happened... after 2 years together I realised we would not work long-term and ended things and broke her heart. Don't want to keep going round breaking women's hearts it doesn't feel good! At the same time when I do get married for the first time in my life I want it to be the last as well so feel I need to be 100% sure. Or am I just being too picky as well as naïve to think it's possible to be in a stress free relationship with the opposite sex lol.

Stress-free relationships are definitely impossible for the long-term (especially in marriage when you throw in extended families and kids), but the defining factor is how much stress. Life is about ups and downs but your partner should be the one you want to return to at the end of every day.

Are you arguing every week over the silliest of details? If so, it's probably time to move on and find someone you are more compatible with. Arguing once every 6 months over a serious matter? That's easier to deal with.

As always though, communication is key. Communicate with your partner, and make sure does the same with you.
 
Caporegime
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Women speak a different language, they don't actually say what they mean like men do, you have to read between the lines and understand the subtext. When she says romance, she could mean a number of things, does she want to get married? Does she want to be made to feel attractive? If you've been with her a while I wouldn't just write the relationship off if that's her reason
she made her choice I accepted it, I don't want to get back with her because I know in her mind it would not last.

shes skyped me quite a few times since for anywhere up to 2 hours, sometimes she feels lonely I guess or thinks I am and worries about me
it was my birthday a few weeks ago and she skyped me for 6 hours probably because she realises I have no friends here, my family are many hundreds of miles away and she didn't want me to feel alone.
I'm talking times when the kids are at school/kindergarten

I've got some amazing memories of our times together and I'm happy with that.
I honestly hope she can find someone who can give her whatever I couldn't

Where is she from?:confused:
shes swiss, they don't have sea, they do have massive lakes though where you can't see from one side to the other on most days.

Anyone else find that after 2 years or so in a relationship, you start to review and think if it's going to last forever?
seems my ex but took her closer to 4.

although we had the same views, mostly the same interests, got on pretty well.
maybe too well and she started to see me more as a friend.

shoulda had some arguments more often to keep things exciting lol
 
Soldato
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shes swiss, they don't have sea, they do have massive lakes though where you can't see from one side to the other on most days.

Yeah, I notice when I get the SBB to work and I go through Zug.

Side note: Down to one woman now since my dating spree in November/December. Avoided the "what are we" question for the 2nd time last week.....Third time I might not be so lucky!
 
Caporegime
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Yeah, I notice when I get the SBB to work and I go through Zug.

Side note: Down to one woman now since my dating spree in November/December. Avoided the "what are we" question for the 2nd time last week.....Third time I might not be so lucky!
oh you were being more specific? shes from near chur originally, lives in winterhur

pretty sure you never dated her! sounds like you get around though.
 

Sui

Sui

Soldato
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Well I think I'm about to be single after 4.5 years together :(

I'm honestly in pieces, and feel like my whole world is about to be taken away from me. We only bought a house together August 2018 and stand to lose 10's thousands on that probably, I'm really struggling.
 
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