**The Mental Health Thread**

[LuckyBenski]

I'm really not doing so great at the moment, I thought that after the court case was done I'd be feeling better. Even if it was just a sense of relief it was over and done with but I don't I feel worse and recent events keep compounding that for me. Aside from the two guys getting away with a slap on the wrists while I'm still suffering. My hospital appointment yesterday to discuss the results of the latest tests around the ongoing issues with my leg did not instil me thoughts of happiness. I've what appears to be a very small bone infection around the metal work in my leg that they're not sure what to do with as the usual treatment for dealing with these is as the consultant put it "very aggressive". Surgery to remove the metal work plus possibly the infected area and then weeks or more likely months of very powerful antibiotics. Though there may be alternatives this is now going to be discussed at panel in the next week or so and for me to come back and be told finally what my options are. Don't get me wrong I'm terrified of the thought of going back into hospital for any length of time but it's more the crushing feeling that I'm never going to fully recover from this.

I struggle with depression as it is, though before all this I was doing better than I had in a long time. Right now I'm really struggling to keep from sinking. I keep trying to make the most of my time with my little girl, keep gaming, keep fiddling around with my aquarium but it's through sheer force of will at the moment. I just keep asking myself what is the point of my life? I remind myself I'm a good Dad and a good partner to my fiancee but beyond that I can't seem to find anything in the way of self worth. Oh I know I'll start feeling okay again sooner or later but I just want to feel better now.

It's fair enough that you're struggling with all this. The outcome of the court hearing must have been hard for you and I wouldn't expect that to pass by without some pain. You've done really well to keep your chin up, keep working at things and being there for your family!

I do think it's healthy that you've shared your journey with us on here. It's obvious you care about your family and you're trying your best. That's tiring, and you've had a lot on for the last year or two. You will feel better in time, how much time is harder to tell. If it's really about self worth, well you've spelled out in your post just how much you've been doing

 

[Vidar]

Thank you mate, I do feel from time to time if it wasn't for this place and being able to get stuff off my chest from time to time I feel I might explode. My missus is my absolute rock but sometimes I find it hard to talk about how I'm feeling because she cares so much, if you get what I mean.

 

[Beans on toast Dave]

no not coping very well atm, struggling to get any kind of focus

dont know where to start and in the end its all pretty pointless!

 

[MOOGLEYS]

Sorry about how you guys are feeling. I lowered my Prednisolone on Monday and I think it’s catching up with me now feel very on edge and everything is making me feel panicky. I feel rough but not in an unwell way more mentally tired and my body is suffering. Have aches and pains and a bit of a sore throat.

We need to keep going and hope the better days come along soon. Easier said than done though.....

 

[bulb66]

Hey,

I just need to vent a bit.

I feel so **** right now, I'm really struggling with knowing the right thing to do and always want to do what's best for others over me.

I wanted 2020 to be a better year for me but I fear my dreams are already overwhelming me. I want to find a job, I want get fit and I want to be in a relationship.

I signed up to a dating site end of last year because I have anxiety so meeting someone in a pub or club just wasn't going to happen. Anyway I got talking to someone and we hit it off, had similar experiences in life and enjoyed similar things. And as I've done in the past, felt something from us just talking. We had a first date on Monday night and although she's lovely, I just didn't feel like I thought I would if she was the "one" now I'm not sure if to keep seeing her and hope it comes or to say you know I don't think it's going to work. The last thing I want to do is hurt her but I think either way I will .

I really don't know what to do

 

[Rilot]

Keep seeing her for the minute. It's hard to get a full picture from just one date but then again if the attraction just isn't there then it might be best to break it off sooner rather than later.
When I first met my wife through a dating site she terrified me because she was so self confident. 2 years later and we were married with a son.

 

[Vidar]

Give it some time pal, it's possibly just nerves. Also it's very hard to get a sense of someone when you first meet them in person. Unless shes completely obnoxious or you're totally unattached to her for whatever reason give it a fair chance. Unless you really don't think you can.

 

[randomshenans]

Hey,

I just need to vent a bit.

I feel so **** right now, I'm really struggling with knowing the right thing to do and always want to do what's best for others over me.

I wanted 2020 to be a better year for me but I fear my dreams are already overwhelming me. I want to find a job, I want get fit and I want to be in a relationship.

I signed up to a dating site end of last year because I have anxiety so meeting someone in a pub or club just wasn't going to happen. Anyway I got talking to someone and we hit it off, had similar experiences in life and enjoyed similar things. And as I've done in the past, felt something from us just talking. We had a first date on Monday night and although she's lovely, I just didn't feel like I thought I would if she was the "one" now I'm not sure if to keep seeing her and hope it comes or to say you know I don't think it's going to work. The last thing I want to do is hurt her but I think either way I will .

I really don't know what to do

Just take every step as one step. All of these are mountains. Getting fit, getting a job and finding someone are all monsterous tasks. Don't focus on that, but just take small steps to get closer to each one. Go for a walk daily. Increase your level of activity. Day by day. Take a course online. Something you're interested in. Give yourself smaller things to focus on.

 

[bulb66]

Keep seeing her for the minute. It's hard to get a full picture from just one date but then again if the attraction just isn't there then it might be best to break it off sooner rather than later.
When I first met my wife through a dating site she terrified me because she was so self confident. 2 years later and we were married with a son.

Give it some time pal, it's possibly just nerves. Also it's very hard to get a sense of someone when you first meet them in person. Unless shes completely obnoxious or you're totally unattached to her for whatever reason give it a fair chance. Unless you really don't think you can.

Just take every step as one step. All of these are mountains. Getting fit, getting a job and finding someone are all monsterous tasks. Don't focus on that, but just take small steps to get closer to each one. Go for a walk daily. Increase your level of activity. Day by day. Take a course online. Something you're interested in. Give yourself smaller things to focus on.

Thanks guys,

I guess it's a combination of things, she's lovely and I did enjoy our date but I'm not sure I'm fully attracted to her, that sounds horrible doesn't it.

We are planning to see each other again this weekend, I guess I could see how it goes but would it be better to end it now?

I feel like my desire to have someone in my life is making me doubt the decision.

 

[Vidar]

Honestly give it one more chance, nothing has to happen if you don't want it to. That said if you're really not attracted to her and can't see it happening then just end it now.

I can relate to the loneliness pal it sucks, but take it from me actively pursuing a relationship seems to be a sure fire way of not finding one. Keeping things more casual seems much more natural. I'm not a player but after dating maybe 15 to 20 women after my ex over a couple of years I realised I needed to be very specific about what I really wanted in a partner. Me and my fiancee stumbled across each other because of a fault with plenty of fishes search function. We started out trying to be friends cause we had some things in common but the distance thing wouldn't work for us. How wrong we were lol.

I guess what I'm saying is with the right woman things just happen naturally.

It might do you some good though to get some notches on your bed post for lack of a better term.

 

[GW1970]

Honestly give it one more chance, nothing has to happen if you don't want it to. That said if you're really not attracted to her and can't see it happening then just end it now.

I can relate to the loneliness pal it sucks, but take it from me actively pursuing a relationship seems to be a sure fire way of not finding one. Keeping things more casual seems much more natural. I'm not a player but after dating maybe 15 to 20 women after my ex over a couple of years I realised I needed to be very specific about what I really wanted in a partner. Me and my fiancee stumbled across each other because of a fault with plenty of fishes search function. We started out trying to be friends cause we had some things in common but the distance thing wouldn't work for us. How wrong we were lol.

I guess what I'm saying is with the right woman things just happen naturally.

It might do you some good though to get some notches on your bed post for lack of a better term.

Wise words and noted for my future moving forward.

 

[Vidar]

Thanks, I'm not used to people thinking my words are wise lol.

When I left the ex, after a short period of being homeless and sofa surfing etc I had my own place finally. I was unemployed, fighting crippling depression and suicidal thoughts and to top it off pretty bloody lonely. Online dating was the only option for me, despite my mental health I still had needs and craved the companionship of a partner. After years of being emotionally and then physically abused by the ex my self esteem was long gone.

I literally started dating anyone I was even remotely attracted to who'd have me, crossed many of my own red lines before realizing girls get just as horny as we do and are often looking for nothing more than a fumble.

I had fun for a while was completely straight about what I was after and had varying degrees of success. I found it felt really hollow after a while and so decided I'd just see how things went in future but I'd only date women who ticked enough of the right boxes for me. Wasn't anything particularly shallow more stuff like being a none smoker as that killed my dad, no single mums because with being a single dad who only saw his kids at weekends it caused lots of difficulty in finding time to be alone together etc. Though that wouldn't have mattered for the right girl. Now I wouldn't change my fiancee for anything.

I guess I believe people just need that experience, I learned a lot about myself.

 

[Nevakonaza]

I've never felt so "Lost" lately in myself

has anyone felt so lost and very desensitised to everything around them?..with a constant blank mind,and not really been able to make decisions or think properly due to this haze in the head thats so confusing?

 

[MartinPrince]

Thanks, I'm not used to people thinking my words are wise lol.

When I left the ex, after a short period of being homeless and sofa surfing etc I had my own place finally. I was unemployed, fighting crippling depression and suicidal thoughts and to top it off pretty bloody lonely. Online dating was the only option for me, despite my mental health I still had needs and craved the companionship of a partner. After years of being emotionally and then physically abused by the ex my self esteem was long gone.

I literally started dating anyone I was even remotely attracted to who'd have me, crossed many of my own red lines before realizing girls get just as horny as we do and are often looking for nothing more than a fumble.

I had fun for a while was completely straight about what I was after and had varying degrees of success. I found it felt really hollow after a while and so decided I'd just see how things went in future but I'd only date women who ticked enough of the right boxes for me. Wasn't anything particularly shallow more stuff like being a none smoker as that killed my dad, no single mums because with being a single dad who only saw his kids at weekends it caused lots of difficulty in finding time to be alone together etc. Though that wouldn't have mattered for the right girl. Now I wouldn't change my fiancee for anything.

I guess I believe people just need that experience, I learned a lot about myself.

A good read and yes you're right, a good woman is worth her weight in handbags.

 

[SixTwoSix]

I've never felt so "Lost" lately in myself

has anyone felt so lost and very desensitised to everything around them?..with a constant blank mind,and not really been able to make decisions or think properly due to this haze in the head thats so confusing?

That's how it started for me leading into my semi-breakdown in Oct 2017. A constant disconnect, always felt like I was two steps behind myself when walking around then an overload of thoughts anytime I tried to get some sleep.

See a doctor, get some medication to stabilise yourself and get referred for CBT as a first step. Don't be embarrased, my doctor even told me how she herself is on anti-depressants as I went through how I was feeling.

I've posted on and off throughout this thread about my issues, I was highly dismissive of depression/anxiety and also the medication used to treat them prior. However having been there and used the services available to mostly come out of the other side, I can't recommend getting help enough.

 

[Nevakonaza]

I've been to the doctors before they really wasn't much help, wanted to send me to this group for depression counselling essentially and it wasn't even anywhere close to where I live..i asked about antidepressants and he said they won't give them out until I try that first, they'd rather watch someone walk out that's not been given help at all, I do plan to switch doctor's though.

 

[Unicorn]

I feel its time i post.

I feel so distant to anything iv lost interest in anything and everything even getting out of bed is a chore to me right now im not who i once was. My anxiety has spiralled so far out of control i shake at the very thought of doing things id once not give a second thought to. I feel a lot of this has been related to my work unfortunately and iv confronted this issue and removed myself from the workplace and im on sick for the time being until i can sort my head out and get back on track. I have medication for anxiety and depression and am due to start some therapy shortly over my issues as the Crisis team have now gotten involved due to my thoughts/feelings and a past suicide attempt.

I had to go into work today to see ocupational health who were fine with me theyre very supportive but i also had to meet with my boss who isnt supportive and got the third degree and also being told im being investigated for two incidents which occured when iv been off sick (This makes no sense plus i don't get why he was allowed to tell me when am off for anxiety issues already) . This has triggered an anxiety attack and im now back to stage one again in my head i feel at a loss almost as if i can never return to my job which i do enjoy due to fears of how i will react to situations now also now iv got a job security fear over some incidents which i have no details about as hes "not allowed to discuss details why am off sick" but was able to tell me almost as if to torture my mind a little more.

This is more of a rant post as i need to get this off my chest right now and iv got hardly anyone to turn to anymore in my life. But any advice would be appreciated also if anyones got anything which may help me even slightly
I just want to be back to feeling semi-normal again iv had depression/anxiety since 13 but normally the medication will make it barely noticeable. This no longer seems to be the case especially with the suicidal thoughts which flick in my head from time to time.

 

[iamtheoneneo]

Honestly just sounds like you need a new job. If it's likely the cause of issues you need to look at options to get out for good.its not worth losing your mind over even if you have to take a pay cut

 

[Unicorn]

Honestly just sounds like you need a new job. If it's likely the cause of issues you need to look at options to get out for good.its not worth losing your mind over even if you have to take a pay cut

Yeah I'm starting to see that. I keep telling myself I don't want to return there but it's a case of having to as iv got bills to pay. Iv already reduced all my outgoings to bare minimal without making things worse mentally

Cancelled Netflix, reduced my virgin Internet package to save bit of cash, turned heating down and buying wisely to save what I can. Also not spending too much on my hobbies I will cope with what iv got for now and keep my cash for my mortgage and main bills. Most of this as I'm preempting leaving the job and finding something else even if it's a pay cut I just need enough to pay my bills why I find my way again

 

[SixTwoSix]

I've been to the doctors before they really wasn't much help, wanted to send me to this group for depression counselling essentially and it wasn't even anywhere close to where I live..i asked about antidepressants and he said they won't give them out until I try that first, they'd rather watch someone walk out that's not been given help at all, I do plan to switch doctor's though.

Definitely try another doctor, I was prescribed both anti depressant and anxiety medication without asking for them...they didn't have a huge effect, just reduced the extremes of the how I was feeling. They also worked well in conjunction with seeing someone for CBT, as the sessions went on, the medication was reduced.