Father Emptied joint bank account with my mum

nightrider1470 · 26 Jun 2020 at 13:16

My mother has been living with me for a few weeks now.

He has locked her out of her home
Removed all her credit cards

Constantly verbally abusing her on the phone... I have now blocked all phone numbers

He told her she is to only ask him if she needs money

He is an absolute control freak

This morning he has emptied the joint account in both of their names
Any advice for my poor Mum would be super appreciated

I understand to seek legal advice, but it would be interesting to hear what can be done

Diddums · 26 Jun 2020 at 13:32

OK I'm editing this post because my original post was quite abrasive when it wasn't intended as such, but I'll leave it below so you can all point and laugh.

We're not getting the full picture here. Why did your mum leave the house in the first place? Has your dad been doing this for a long time? Has he said why he took the money?

I'll echo @Hades post below, change to a new bank account (Natwest will even give her £175 to swap to them, might help if she's tight on funds), sever all ties and seek professional advice.

This is of course all working on the assumption that your mum is 100% innocent on the receiving end of a problematic, abusive relationship. If it's not that, then that changes things.

Original post:

How did it get to this point? Does your mum spend tons of money, and if so, on what?

I feel like there's a LOT more to this story than you're letting on. The fact she's been with you for a few weeks already and nothing's been done tells me she's not entirely innocent.

bris · 26 Jun 2020 at 13:38

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9oLG6L6f6gIVle7tCh269wxDEAAYASAAEgI2KPD_BwE

My mother worked for womans aid for 40 years, there is no one better to give strictly confidential advice on the matter than them.
have your mother give them a call to fiind the local office in your area. Abuse is not just phyical, the help is only a call away, they will tell her all she needs to know about her rights with home etc.

Goodluck.

bris · 26 Jun 2020 at 13:40

Diddums said:
How did it get to this point? Does your mum spend tons of money, and if so, on what?

I feel like there's a LOT more to this story than you're letting on. The fact she's been with you for a few weeks already and nothing's been done tells me she's not entirely innocent.

Seriously, you living under a tree, what a terrible thing to say. The story doesn't need to be told, the help does, leave it to the experts.

Diddums · 26 Jun 2020 at 13:43

bris said:
Seriously, you living under a tree, what a terrible thing to say. The story doesn't need to be told, the help does, leave it to the experts.

How is it a terrible thing to say? He's clarified he's already going to speak to some lawyers about it, he's just asking for advice, and going by the info he's given us, it's hard to give advice.

I mean no disrespect to the OP or his family, but there cloud be reasons that his father is acting like this, his mother might have problems which need addressing, there could be a lot of history here, we don't know.

So your stance of "woman innocent, man bad, call social services" is jumping to conclusions isn't it?

Let's get the facts first before we do that shall we?

SideWinder · 26 Jun 2020 at 13:54

bris said:
Seriously, you living under a tree, what a terrible thing to say. The story doesn't need to be told, the help does, leave it to the experts.

@Diddums could have phrased it a bit better but his angle is, without knowing the full story, giving the correct advice may be a bit trickier.

@nightrider1470 Sorry to hear this is happening to your family. If it is actually her home then there should be a legal element surely? As in, if her name is on the property?

Brizzles · 26 Jun 2020 at 14:15

A joint bank account is exactly that - either can withdraw money, its based on trust.

The rest is in need of legal advice.

Hades · 26 Jun 2020 at 14:18

1) Speak to the bank to get new cards.
2) Speak to citizens advice and a womans shelter/helpline (sorry not sure the name) for immediate help.
3) Speak to a solicitor for longer term help with the house.

Good luck.

darael · 26 Jun 2020 at 14:19

First thing to do is get your mum to open a new bank account and start having her income paid into that from now on.

garnett · 26 Jun 2020 at 14:20

bris said:
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9oLG6L6f6gIVle7tCh269wxDEAAYASAAEgI2KPD_BwE

My mother worked for womans aid for 40 years, there is no one better to give strictly confidential advice on the matter than them.
have your mother give them a call to fiind the local office in your area. Abuse is not just phyical, the help is only a call away, they will tell her all she needs to know about her rights with home etc.

Goodluck.

I came to post that there are loads of charities offering just the sort of advice being sought. I don't know any of them in any detail. Yours seems like an excellent recommendation.

VincentHanna · 26 Jun 2020 at 14:30

https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-in...ternational-law/coercive-control-and-the-law/

Chris Wilson · 26 Jun 2020 at 15:29

Whatever else is taken from this bizarre thread, let it be that joint accounts are for gullible idiots....

Just because someone is naive enough to get married doesn't mean you have to trust them as well, I mean, sheesh.... Have you seen the houses divorce lawyers live in, and the cars they drive? That not tell you anything...?

Stu999 · 26 Jun 2020 at 15:48

Brizzles said:
A joint bank account is exactly that - either can withdraw money, its based on trust.

The rest is in need of legal advice.

Depends upon the account, some require authorisation from both account holders. Seems that wasn’t the case for this one though.

Mr Jack · 26 Jun 2020 at 16:09

What an awful situation to be in, I wish you and your mum all the best.

This is a job for the experts: as said above, first port of call should be some kind of women's aid or shelter they can advise you on what to do next.

cheesyboy · 26 Jun 2020 at 16:19

Chris Wilson said:
Have you seen the houses divorce lawyers live in, and the cars they drive? That not tell you anything...?

I used to audit a few family solicitors. What struck me was how little money they actually made, tbh.

Chris Wilson · 27 Jun 2020 at 04:40

I was meaning specialist divorce practices and practicioners.

neocon · 27 Jun 2020 at 10:56

cheesyboy said:
I used to audit a few family solicitors. What struck me was how little money they actually made, tbh.

Yes, IP and commercial law is the highest paying.

neocon · 27 Jun 2020 at 10:57

nightrider1470 said:
My mother has been living with me for a few weeks now.

He has locked her out of her home
Removed all her credit cards

Constantly verbally abusing her on the phone... I have now blocked all phone numbers

He told her she is to only ask him if she needs money

He is an absolute control freak

This morning he has emptied the joint account in both of their names
Any advice for my poor Mum would be super appreciated

I understand to seek legal advice, but it would be interesting to hear what can be done

Who's name is your dad's house in ? Just his?

Dr House · 27 Jun 2020 at 23:55

My ex did the same, just closed the account and opened a new one the same day, my private banking manager let it happen, also sold my £98k brand new Porsche
Got her ass handed to her in court, mind you it cost £250k in legal fees.

But get legal advice, I can recommend a very good solicitor who does not charge too much.

Rroff · 27 Jun 2020 at 23:58

Dr House said:
mind you it cost £250k in legal fees.

Dr House said:
I can recommend a very good solicitor who does not charge too much.

What do you class as not too much?