OcUK Dadsnet thread

[uncle_rufus]

Our nursery turned round and just averaged it for the year which I think is 21 or 23 hours. We topup with something like 16 quid a day. I'm lucky I that I'm still getting childcare vouchers as even though my wife changed jobs last year, childcare will soon drop to under that magical 243 number.

Yeah I think it's 22 hours if you spread it across the whole yeah, however have noticed out nursery will only let you take the full 22 hours if you have the kid attending 4 or 5 days a week... for 1 - 3 days a week they only let you use 11 hours of it, which is kind of a joke. They also add on extra fees for what they call a "premium package" so in practice say for 3 days a week you go from under 3 paying ~£600 pcm to over 3 paying £400 still

 

[azazl187]

Do you regret having them?

I dont regret having them 90% of the time but there are times when I think "if I could go back in time and decide not to have them I probably would".

Having kids is a hugely hard and challenging experience. Some people are more natural at it than others but anyone that tells you that at least once during the time of bringing them up they haven't thought to themselves why on earth they had them in the first place then they are lying.

I wouldn't swap them for anything and I would gladly give my life for them but they push you in ways that you never have experienced before. In regards to your relationship with the other half..... It enhances it in some ways but completely destroys other aspects that you may well have taken for granted.

These are the things that your parents don't tell you about because they are scared it will hurt your feelings.

The best advice I can give anyone is to not put too much pressure in yourself or your partner. To stay connected and ensure that you support each other from the very first moment the child is born. Make time for each other and try to go out for a meal or something just the two of you, even if it's every 3 months or something.

The grind of it can affect many people in many different ways.

 

[theone8181]

Yeah I think it's 22 hours if you spread it across the whole yeah, however have noticed out nursery will only let you take the full 22 hours if you have the kid attending 4 or 5 days a week... for 1 - 3 days a week they only let you use 11 hours of it, which is kind of a joke. They also add on extra fees for what they call a "premium package" so in practice say for 3 days a week you go from under 3 paying ~£600 pcm to over 3 paying £400 still

That does take the **** but I'm sure some nursery's will be milking it. Probably claiming the full amount.

 

[Tosno]

Having kids is a hugely hard and challenging experience. Some people are more natural at it than others but anyone that tells you that at least once during the time of bringing them up they haven't thought to themselves why on earth they had them in the first place then they are lying.

Can honestly say, I've never had such thoughts.

 

[theone8181]

Can honestly say, I've never had such thoughts.

I have, lots and normally whenever they ask some trivial like pass me something that's next to th but they can't be bothered to move for. Life was much easier before kids.

 

[Freefaller]

For me life wasn't easier before kids, just different. I like this new adventure, it is challenging, but at the same time it's hugely fun. I agree with @Tosno I've never "wished" I had never had them, but I have "wished" that they would just do a, b or c, sometimes when they're not or refusing to!

 

[Ian_Eb]

Most of the time they are being like that, it just makes me wonder how my parents coped with me and my sister

 

[dlockers]

Someone's been pinged at the childminder so they've shut shop for 10 days

Lucky I'll save on the cost...oh wait, no I won't

 

[dr_volki]

Someone's been pinged at the childminder so they've shut shop for 10 days

Lucky I'll save on the cost...oh wait, no I won't

they don't refund you the money?
Our nursery been shut multiple times and have always been refunded all days in full.

 

[dlockers]

they don't refund you the money?
Our nursery been shut multiple times and have always been refunded all days in full.

Unfortunately in this part of the world you are reserving the slot whether they are open or closed;, she is there, or not.

 

[uncle_rufus]

Lots of nurseries don't even let you off the charges on bank holidays - it's why Monday is a day best avoided

 

[dr_volki]

believe i pay for bank hols, we just pay full-time fixed amount every month which i'm fine with.
But if nursery were to shut because of COVID for example, i would be expecting a refund as they are not providing me the service i pay for. It's different if i take my kid out of nursery for holiday / sickness / etc.

 

[ci_newman]

believe i pay for bank hols, we just pay full-time fixed amount every month which i'm fine with.
But if nursery were to shut because of COVID for example, i would be expecting a refund as they are not providing me the service i pay for. It's different if i take my kid out of nursery for holiday / sickness / etc.

Our nursery didn't offer any kind of refunds if they had to shut (or over Christmas holidays for example, when they shut completely).

 

[Yaayuh!]

You're better men than I. Ours does 7-7 but only since we took intervention with the sleep consultant I got flamed for hiring. I wouldn't have made it this far without it.

Just out of interest, what sleep consultant did you use?

 

[Azza]

Good lord the fees though, it's actually about the same as our mortgage for the 3 days

I know its mega-bux but it genuinely is worth every penny. Not just for you pair to get some time back, but I think they really get a lot of being amongst other kids for an extended period.

We plan to put our son in nursery from about 10-11 month old as mum will be going back full-time. It does look eye-wateringly expensive but it's the cheapest option (certainly for us) and he should get a lot out of it.

What I don't get is how some nurseries are able to charge the fees that they do. Our daughter starts nursery in a couple of weeks and while we were looking some were truly scruffy looking places. Small rooms, no parking, on the edge of busy roads, barely any outdoor space. Always putting stuff on or in front of the windows so the rooms were just gloomy looking. Sometimes quiet reluctant to go into detail about food. At most they're £5 cheaper than the place we've chosen, which looks so good I'd actually live there!

 

[Droolinggimp]

What I don't get is how some nurseries are able to charge the fees that they do. Our daughter starts nursery in a couple of weeks and while we were looking some were truly scruffy looking places. Small rooms, no parking, on the edge of busy roads, barely any outdoor space. Always putting stuff on or in front of the windows so the rooms were just gloomy looking. Sometimes quiet reluctant to go into detail about food. At most they're £5 cheaper than the place we've chosen, which looks so good I'd actually live there!

When we were looking at preschools/playgroups for our first (6 years ago) we found one not far from us and it was in a church hall. Looked a bit drab, with the church bits pushed to one side and what not. The staff seemed nice though. Our 2nd lad went last year and he's finished now, starts nursery when they go back in a few weeks. Our 3rd lad will start there next year when he's 2. The place is great for kids. They also pointed out our first lad had some development issues which they helped with and his current school is helping out too.

Guess what I am trying to say is don't judge a nursery/preschool etc by the looks alone. I couldn't recommend this place enough to new parents. Obviously not going to help you out as you're in Birmingham but like I said, check as many out and don't over look the ones that look 'crap'.

edit: the actual nursery our second is going to is part of the school (I think some are standalone nurserys) that the first goes to. For me that is a god send come september as I am the stay at home dad I do all the school runs. Taking all 3 kids out in one go, dropping the eldest off at infant school, walk back toward home again to drop the second one off at preschool then back home with the baby. Now the second is in nursery, I drop both number 1 and 2 off at the same place, just a 20 min wait for the 1st kid to start his class. So less walking on my part thank god.

 

[RoboCod]

Agreed on the prices, some are wild. We've managed to get a place in a really nice local montessori nursery in a big old barn complex conversion, it also has a forest school. We were keen on this one but I expected it to be silly expensive and not really viable. To our surprise it was cheaper than the really scruffy, small, pee stinking place in the middle of an estate near us. Makes no sense

 

[uncle_rufus]

Just in the process of working up towards our first starting nursery... we went to visit for half an hour today so she could meet her key worker and see the nursery for the first time. It was okay and she did fine, but we noticed that the nursery is on quite a noisy road with big trucks driving past a lot (the window was open today which didn't help), and it seems like the way they handle nap time is just put out little mats and have all the babies just nap in the room together.

I'm just struggling to imagine how that works if you see what I mean? Since she was little we have put her down to nap in a dark room, white noise machine, nice and quiet - I'm worried it's just going to be impossible for her to sleep in the new environment. Is that totally unfounded? I know some nurseries maybe have a dedicated nap room which maybe would be better, but not sure. Anyone got any experiences to share?

 

[dlockers]

Just in the process of working up towards our first starting nursery... we went to visit for half an hour today so she could meet her key worker and see the nursery for the first time. It was okay and she did fine, but we noticed that the nursery is on quite a noisy road with big trucks driving past a lot (the window was open today which didn't help), and it seems like the way they handle nap time is just put out little mats and have all the babies just nap in the room together.

I'm just struggling to imagine how that works if you see what I mean? Since she was little we have put her down to nap in a dark room, white noise machine, nice and quiet - I'm worried it's just going to be impossible for her to sleep in the new environment. Is that totally unfounded? I know some nurseries maybe have a dedicated nap room which maybe would be better, but not sure. Anyone got any experiences to share?

Haha, I think everyone has this same WTF moment when first starting. I certainly did. Where mine goes the mats are on the floor, outside no less

Mine is similar to yours too - perfect princess bedroom with gentle white noise, pitch black - song routine - the works.

I've seen enough videos of all 12 kids napping (mine in the pram) to believe their system works. They knackered each other out essentially.

 

[uncle_rufus]

I did wonder if there was a kind of pack/herd mentality that develops - they all imitate each other and so they all just kind of nap or something lol