Anyone having problems with kids starting high school?

cheesefest · 9 Sep 2021 at 18:29

I had problems initially starting high school as for some reason they put me in a different half of the school year to my friends. All of my friends were together. Along with other friendship groups. Got bullied by a group of girls.

It was difficult to see my friends at break as school then was in two blocks with seven minutes walk between them. As I had French before lunch and Maths after, which were in one block. My friends had Science and English at the other block

Did move to friends’ form after Oct half term

dirtychinchilla · 10 Sep 2021 at 11:40

Ugley_Matt said:
Sorry for the rambling, but just wanted to say that you are not alone and so many kids are having this same issue. In a way Covid has been good for this as schools are much more away that this is happening and its getting sorted out.

I'm not trying to change the topic or make this about myself, but I don't think it's just children that have struggled because of covid. When work announced that we should come back to the office, I was pretty worried about it. I don't worry about much, but the whole idea of going from isolation to seeing 30+ people a day was nuts.

I hope your daughter is alright.

Omega_ · 10 Sep 2021 at 12:23

Your doing the right thing by not pushing this under the rug. Well done to you wish my parents had the same attitude at that age.

dlockers · 10 Sep 2021 at 12:58

How dare anyone take a @watercooledman thread seriously given his posting style. Mods must condemn this kindness he is being afforded.

Dis86 · 10 Sep 2021 at 18:45

dLockers said:
How dare anyone take a @watercooledman thread seriously given his posting style. Mods must condemn this kindness he is being afforded.

I could sort that out of you'd like?

Diagro · 10 Sep 2021 at 19:34

Parents separated. Covid 18 months. Starting secondary school.

Ouch...

Not tried to reconcile with your wife? After all, a marriage is all about compromising and finding the middle ground.
You have three kids, might be time for you both to suck it up for their sake.

Jean-F · 15 Jan 2022 at 15:33

I’ve only just seen this thread, my heart goes out to the OP and his daughter.
When I split up with my first wife over fifty years ago, my elder son took it hard, misbehaving at school, recalcitrant, tearful etc.
My wife and I came together and spoke with him, reassuring him that we loved him no matter what, I hammered home that it was totally my fault that his mother and I were no longer together, and if he felt angry to take it out on me, as his mother was doing her best for him and his brother and she loved them to bits.
It seemed to work, and he spent a bit more time with me than the divorce originally allowed, (with my ex’s agreement).
It flared up again after a couple of years, when she met the guy that she eventually married, (you’re not my dad etc), but I said to him, “Look, your mum’s happy again, I know you love her and I’ll always be fond of her, let’s give her a break, what do you say?”
He straightened up and accepted her new guy and now my son and my ex are thick as thieves, she’ll phone him and say that she needs new kitchen units fitted or her ceilings painted and he’ll drive straight over from his home in Germany.
The weird thing is, he’s developed a cooler attitude toward me over the past 25+ years!
I’ll be in a bar with him and his brother and I’ll say something about when they were kids, and he’ll say, “How would you know, you were never there.”

Eurofighter · 16 Jan 2022 at 16:19

Make sure she isn't being bullied. Lots of horrible feral teenagers in high schools that have no respect, manners or kindness.

Freddie1980 · 16 Jan 2022 at 18:16

I remember when I started at high school back in the early 90's, my view on secondary schools at time was coloured by watching episodes of Grange Hill so expected the worse from drugs, bullying, racism and had the feeling I would have to work very hard just to not get beaten up. It didn't help that I came from a private school as well so up until that point my life had been pretty sheltered. However once I started there I quickly discovered it wasn't bad at all and the school had plenty of things to offer.

mjt · 16 Jan 2022 at 18:50

Get her an appointment with the school counsellor/psychologist.

WantoN · 17 Jan 2022 at 01:58

I really feel for her, and it's important she speak to someone about how she's feeling, ideally a proffessional. It's also worth considering why she's so anxious, is there perhaps some bullying or other social interaction that's contributing to how she's feeling? There might be another component in addition to her unease in busy / crowded places. Fingers crossed repeated exposure will help her overcome it, but the opposite could just as easily be true.

Aside from that, imo it's important they work through these things. Part of becoming emotionally mature is pushing past your comfort zone and doing things you don't necessarily want to do. In my limited experience, some anxiety is perfectly normal, and repeatedly giving into it and avoiding the source can lead to a bigger problem. If that's going to be the case here though, I'd be looking at professional support.

The NHS provides a Talk service to young adults, it's very good. Maybe it's time to book a GP appointment?

All the best with it, whatever you decide to do.

Droolinggimp · 17 Jan 2022 at 07:08

I will assume High School is Secondary school yes?

I couldn't see it mentioned but have you thought about speaking to the schools inclusion officer or SEND rep for the school (both may come under the same heading or a different one). We had our eldest monitored over a 4 month period to find out he was showing ADHD and Autistic traits. They have been really good over the last 3 years. During Lockdown it was a bit mixed as no one could monitor him.

To add, I am not suggesting your child may have traits of these, just to suggest getting help from these officers at school.

£15 · 17 Jan 2022 at 12:03

Speak with the school's pastoral care. They should hopefully have experience with such matters and offer help. All schools are different though....

We pulled our eldest out of his last school due to bullying and their total lack of support. His new school is amazing and very pro active when it comes to all issues.

But do not feel alone and think you, as parents, should have all the answers - you won't. Plus, sometimes your children won't or can't speak to you, but will open up to a 3rd party, eg school Councillor who can give them the tools to work through their issues themselves. So ask for help where you can.

But always listen to your child. Sometimes you don't actually need to take over and offer solutions, and they just want/need someone to listen.

All the best.