friends mum tryin to force her marriage

B&W

B&W

Soldato
Joined
3 Oct 2003
Posts
7,647
Location
Birmingham
hi, a good m8 of mine foned me today she was very upset. basically her mom is trying to get her married to someone and she dont want to get married. shes plannin on bringin some1 over from pakistan (her dead sisters son) and letting him stay in their house then marrying him to her.

now shes told her mum loadsa times that she just dont want to get married, her mom though wont listen. she thinks she owes her sister something (cus shes dead) and is hellbent on bringin him here (by any way possible).

her mom cant force her to marry him thats 1 good thing at least.

she said to her mom that she would leave if she brought him over and her mom said leave then. now in **** culture this will bring a lot of shame her, there'll be loadsa stupid rumours about her leaving for some guy and her family wont respect her anymore. and that is gonna hurt her a lot.

now ive been thinkin for ages here and i think she only has a few choices. to either grass this guy up to the social services or to leave home.

really messed up situation, need some advice plz
 
Soldato
Joined
6 Sep 2005
Posts
3,815
Location
Cambridge
geez thats harsh!.

unfortunately i cant help... but keep me updated if you dont mind. im thinking what she can do.


i guess the only way is to decept her mums feelings like by using guilt trips.

say that another panda is brutally murdered everytime she brings that conversation up.

EDIT; Or tell her that she will smash up another furniture evertime she brings it up. that way she wont spread rumors
 
Soldato
Joined
5 Jul 2005
Posts
17,995
Location
Brighton
Tony Soprano said:
She wants to bring over her nephew to marry her daughter?


Yeah thats pretty bad, almost as bad as spelling mum as mom >< (sorry really annoys me).

First of all it is illegal in this country...and just wrong.
 
Associate
Joined
20 Oct 2002
Posts
2,309
Location
Suffolk
Raikiri said:
First of all it is illegal in this country...and just wrong.

afraid not :(

Marriage of Cousins
Despite the long list of degrees of forbidden relationship, you can marry a cousin (courtesy of Henry VIII who changed the law to marry his cousin!). However, it would be sensible for you both to consult your GP to ensure that there are no factors in your family's health records that would make your decision to have children inadvisable on medical grounds.

Maybe try and push the medical thing? Insisting on tests might dissuade her Mum/Cousin.
 
Last edited:
Man of Honour
Joined
17 Oct 2002
Posts
95,522
Location
I'm back baby!
Gavstar said:
Maybe try and push the medical thing? Insisting on tests might dissuade her Mum/Cousin.
If they came back positive she'd not have a leg to stand on :/

Although, if that were true from birth she'd be home free.

[edit]That was a bit harsh actually, but the first line I think is true
 
Last edited:

B&W

B&W

Soldato
OP
Joined
3 Oct 2003
Posts
7,647
Location
Birmingham
well ive told her to push the religious side. as from that standpoint no1 can force her to marry some1 against her will.

but most pakis r more cultural n her mum has a friend who apparently "knows" about religion. (mixes religion with culture) this lady agreed with her mom. still this is 1 thing that she can push again with help of people who mite be able to influence her mom.

the medical thing sounds interesting, although her mom who is very old fasioned will in all likely hood dismiss and ignore it.

thx for the link muban, mite help.
 
Soldato
Joined
23 Nov 2004
Posts
10,646
I certainly wouldnt be forced to marry. A swift **** off and move out the house or further away would sort that for sure. Take the fridge with me for all my beer aswell thank you very much. I love it when people force religion on people :rolleyes:
 
Soldato
Joined
23 Nov 2002
Posts
16,167
B&W said:
now ive been thinkin for ages here and i think she only has a few choices. to either grass this guy up to the social services or to leave home.

really messed up situation, need some advice plz

We have our customs and traditions in Greece as well, but nothing that bad, suck for her dude! How old is she? If she has a job I don't see why she can't live in a shared house for some time.

Jonny ///M said:
I certainly wouldnt be forced to marry. A swift **** off and move out the house or further away would sort that for sure. Take the fridge with me for all my beer aswell thank you very much. I love it when people force religion on people :rolleyes:

That's not religion, it's one ****ed up tradition, there's a difference, God didn't come down to earth and told her mom "your daughter must marry your nephew".
 
Last edited:
Associate
Joined
20 Oct 2002
Posts
2,309
Location
Suffolk
Gilly said:
If they came back positive she'd not have a leg to stand on :/

Although, if that were true from birth she'd be home free.

[edit]That was a bit harsh actually, but the first line I think is true

Yes, would be a bit of a gamble. This isn't really my specialist subject :D
 

B&W

B&W

Soldato
OP
Joined
3 Oct 2003
Posts
7,647
Location
Birmingham
pyro said:
We have our customs and traditions in Greece as well, but nothing that bad, suck for her dude! How old is she? If she has a job I don't see why she can't live in a shared house for some time.

shes 21 and has a job. she is strong and will be able to support herself if she moves out, this is not the problem though.

if she moves out a lot of her family would look down on her, make up crap about her. it will hurt her a lot.
 
Soldato
Joined
23 Nov 2002
Posts
16,167
B&W said:
shes 21 and has a job. she is strong and will be able to support herself if she moves out, this is not the problem though.

if she moves out a lot of her family would look down on her, make up crap about her. it will hurt her a lot.

I understand what you mean, so I would suggest that she looks into going to another city. Unfortunately when you are brought up in a certain way, you can't change, the old woman and her mother are obviously in that category, but that doesn't mean she can't be more open minded about the way things are done.

Best thing would be to try and convince the mother, but I don't see this happening.
 
Suspended
Joined
17 Mar 2006
Posts
9,055
B&W said:
shes 21 and has a job. she is strong and will be able to support herself if she moves out, this is not the problem though.

if she moves out a lot of her family would look down on her, make up crap about her. it will hurt her a lot.


I would suggest she moves out and never contacts her family again, changes her name and starts a new life. Harsh but better than being forced into a marriage, or suffer the consequences from family members if she refuses (some horrible news footage with this sort of thing)
 
Soldato
Joined
14 Feb 2004
Posts
14,309
Location
Peoples Republic of Histonia, Cambridge
You can't force a person to marry someone against their will. A simple no during the marriage ceremony should do the trick.

Unfortunately these situations aren't as simple as that. Essentially she's being emotionally blackmailed into choosing between her family or her freedom. I know which one I'd choose but some people are brought up in a way that makes this choice impossible.

There are no easy answers, she's going to have to make a very difficult decision one way or the other.

EDIT: If I was her I'd try leaving and hope her mother(and family) come to their senses.
 
Last edited:
Soldato
Joined
22 Jun 2005
Posts
9,066
Location
Nottinghamshire
squiffy said:
I would suggest she moves out and never contacts her family again, changes her name and starts a new life. Harsh but better than being forced into a marriage, or suffer the consequences from family members if she refuses (some horrible news footage with this sort of thing)
Changing her name and never contacting them again seems a tad extreme to me...
 
Back
Top Bottom