Advice -Helping my parents deal with their friend dying in their home

[rossyl]

Hi guys, this is all a bit traumatic, so I'd appreciate serious answers.

I can't think of what to say/do which is why I've come on the forum.

A week last Saturday 7th Nov, one of my parent's friends died in my parents house. She had a massive heart attack right in front of my mother. My Mum attempted to help her, listening to instructions from paramedics on the phone, moving her friend's body into the recovery position as her friend foamed at the mouth and died in front of her.

I won't go more into it but you can imagine how traumatic it was

Now my parents cannot even be in the house. They don't sleep, they rarely step foot in the room it all happened. They are staying at a friend's and it is the first time in days that they have both slept. They basically avoid spending any time in the house as it has terrible memories for them.

My Mum is talking about selling the house. She definitely wants to get new sofa's and carpet (which will cost £8-9000+), but she isn't sure that will help.

The thing is selling or renting the house will only lead to more stress and strain, and probably make what they are going through even worse.

What I've come here for is to ask if anyone, or their parents/close friends, have been through the same and how you/they dealt with it.

I'd really appreciate your advice here.

Thanks

 

[Tefal]

Valium.

Have them speak to their GP tbh he can refer them to a specialist/psych guy.

 

[Beasty]

My Dad's mother in law sold everything up a while after my Grandfather died, she was getting to the point where she couldn't look after herself too though and she moved in with her daughter.

It might just take time for them to get back to normal, no doubt it's hard but they sound like they're still in shock and may calm down. Make sure they don't rush into things and maybe they'll start to move on.

 

[kwerk]

My mum's friend had a massive stroke and died in our kitchen. There was blood pouring out of his nose and there is still a very slight blood stain on the floor boards.

It never really bothered me to be honest, don't know about my mum though she never mentions it or anything. Doesn't seem to bother her, I think she knows its just something that happens.

Just takes a bit of time to get over the shock.

 

[JonJ678]

I'm inclined to agree with your mum. I think under such circumstances, were it possible to move home I would do.

GP is a good idea.

 

[yermum]

Definately talk to your Mum's GP as she could then be referred for counselling. She will need to talk to a professional who will know how to help her come to terms with the shock and trauma of the event. Doing anything in haste at this point may lead to more trauma and stress.

 

[geekyEd]

she needs to speak to a doctor.

 

[p4radox]

This is not something she should be attempting to deal with on her own. Seek professional help, there's no shame in it.

 

[Strife212]

Edit: Nevermind, not really in line with the tone of the thread

 

[Jamesdavid3]

I think its abit stupid SELLING your house just because that happened.

I know its not nice but you just have to bite it and move on... sort something at the GP side for your parents

 

[Vixen]

You really need to get professionals involved, there's no shame in asking for help in a situation like this. A charity such as Cruise may be able to help if your parents don't want to go to their GP.

 

[mattyfez]

I think its abit stupid SELLING your house just because that happened.

I know its not nice but you just have to bite it and move on... sort something at the GP side for your parents

Agreed, I know its awful, but selling the house because of it is a bit OCD, maybe she just needs some time to come to terms with it, if shes still freaking after a week then she needs some therapy or something.
EDIT, thats maybe a bit harsh, give her some time to settle down, shes probably still reeling from the shock.

 

[Dolph]

Professional help, this is not the sort of thing that can be solved by the internet, no matter how well meaning we all are.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

As above. We're not the people to be asking and we certainly can't help you. Your mum needs professional help.

 

[Vonhelmet]

Doctor. Selling the house is not rational.

 

[Gaygle]

Talk to your GP asap.

Your parents sound like they are a bit emotionally unstable at the moment (understandably) and will be prone to making irrational decisions so the sooner the better imo.

 

[Dolph]

Doctor. Selling the house is not rational.

Well, rationality is all in the eye of the beholder... However, trying to address the issues first is far the better choice. If, after counselling and coming to terms with the issues, she still wants to sell the house (and it is a possibility) then it would be a rational decision, because it is possible that the house will never feel the same, and subjectivity matters to individual decisions.

 

[Deific]

new sofas and carpet cost 9000 pounds? since when?

 

[PixieLandGirl]

Well, rationality is all in the eye of the beholder... However, trying to address the issues first is far the better choice. If, after counselling and coming to terms with the issues, she still wants to sell the house (and it is a possibility) then it would be a rational decision, because it is possible that the house will never feel the same, and subjectivity matters to individual decisions.

As above.

 

[Vonhelmet]

Well, rationality is all in the eye of the beholder... However, trying to address the issues first is far the better choice. If, after counselling and coming to terms with the issues, she still wants to sell the house (and it is a possibility) then it would be a rational decision, because it is possible that the house will never feel the same, and subjectivity matters to individual decisions.

Yeah, I kinda realised that after posting... It is a subjective thing...

Still, it's not a decision to be made in haste anyway.