***Bad Joke Thread***

[DoneADougalOnSofa]

What does an Essex girl use for protection during sex?



A bus shelter.

 

[batsy]

My girlfriend is pregnant, so we got the big book of names out.

To try and find the dad.

 

[jeff6475]

If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?

The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

 

[Castiel]

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 

[jeff6475]

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,


"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

 

[R5GTT]

<Sean Connery voice on>

I moustache you a question........







but I'm shavin' it for later.

 

[Firestar_3x]

How are big girls and mopeds alike?

They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

 

[Castiel]

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe you fool, BREATHE!

 

[gillywibble]

"Our Uncle Henry is living with us, he's mad, he thinks he's a chicken"

"Well why don't you get rid of him then?"

"Because we need the eggs"

 

[jeff6475]

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe you fool, BREATHE!

i lol'd @ that

 

[4T5]

My Missus likes me to eat food off her belly.



She's a right Cracker. + =

 

[DoneADougalOnSofa]

Two eggs in a frying pan.
One says "Cor, it's getting hot in here"

The other screams "**** me, a talking egg!"

 

[RomanNose]

Why do only 15 % of women go to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be hell.

 

[King Damager]

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Not bad, not bad at all...

kd

 

[DoneADougalOnSofa]

How many dyslexics does it take to change a liggityblub?

 

[Castiel]

What's brown and sticky?


A stick!

 

[DoneADougalOnSofa]

My neighbour knocked on my door the other day.
He said, "You gotta come quick- there's six big blokes beating up your mother-in-law outside!"

"Oh, right..."

"Well, aren't you going to help?

"Nah, six should be plenty.".


(With a nod to the late, great Les Dawson...).

 

[FNGsam]

What's brown and sticky?


A stick!

An oldie but a goodie.

 

[DoneADougalOnSofa]

Did you hear the one about the sex-crazed burglar?

He couldn't blow the safe so he went down on the elevator...


S'ok folks, I'm running out of clean ones now!

 

[DoneADougalOnSofa]

I shot someone with a starting pistol, now I'm being charged with race crimes...