It just looks like another manager sticking their oar in to feel like they contribute. Your wording is fine and without providing an extended explanation of what a mobile, network provider etc is, I doubt you will achieve much more clarity.
Oh I know it is. Too often I have presented my proposal, had a 'higher up' request various wording changes, then change them again a week later, then change them back to what I originally proposed after another week. Complete waste of time and money just trying to justify their roles.
Still, not much I can do about it (other than be smug about being correct in the first instance).
I even showed that there will be progressive disclosure explaining all the options in more detail if they don't make a selection after the first playing of the options, but nooooooo.
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