Blonde jokes...

Visage said:
The football team?

[/racist]
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I'd let you away with that one if Mr Vogts was still in charge but since we got shot of the man it has been steady progress upwards, I would have thought it a touch too soon for the English to be getting blase about rubbish foreign managers? :p

I've been searching for good Scottish jokes but most I've found so far aren't all that disparaging towards Scotland so I don't know if they are worth posting but here goes nothing as they say. :)

1. An Englishman and a Scotsman are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road.
Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed.
In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on.
At this point, the Scotsman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of sherry. He hands the bottle to the Englishman, whom exclaims,'' may the Scots and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The Englishman then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down.
Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Scotsman, whom replies: '' no thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here."

2. "Where do you come from?" the Scotsman asked an American.

"From the greatest country in the world," replied the American.

"Funny," said the Scotsman, "you've got the strangest Scottish accent I've ever heard."
 
Visage said:
Those 'Bindi' are actually worn by Hindus. Pakistan is a predominantly Muslim country - hence the split from India.

If you are going to be a racist moron, at least be an informed racist moron.
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Nout racist about any of the jokes I posted, since when were people from Pakistan a race? Just jokes man so chill.
 
$loth said:
What's a good scot joke?
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'My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course'

'There's a nasty rumour that copper wire was invented by two Scotsmen fighting over a penny'
 
Muban said:
'My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course'

'There's a nasty rumour that copper wire was invented by two Scotsmen fighting over a penny'
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Fantastic, the second especially, though not heard either of them! Improves the thread quality tenfold! ;)
 
Linford Christie walks into a Private Golf Club and asks to join.

The receptionist says "sorry sir, we don't accept black members at this golf club, there's a golf club 10 minutes down the road, they'll accept you there"

Linford Christie says "That's unbelievable! I'm Linford Christie!!!"

The Receptionist says "Alright, 5 minutes down the road!"
 
Serj said:
Linford Christie walks into a Private Golf Club and asks to join.

The receptionist says "sorry sir, we don't accept black members at this golf club, there's a golf club 10 minutes down the road, they'll accept you there"

Linford Christie says "That's unbelievable! I'm Linford Christie!!!"

The Receptionist says "Alright, 5 minutes down the road!"
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:D
 
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."

The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?"

The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
 
Serj said:
Linford Christie walks into a Private Golf Club and asks to join.

The receptionist says "sorry sir, we don't accept black members at this golf club, there's a golf club 10 minutes down the road, they'll accept you there"

Linford Christie says "That's unbelievable! I'm Linford Christie!!!"

The Receptionist says "Alright, 5 minutes down the road!"
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ROFL, I like. :D
 
Dear Diary,

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive
double pane energy-efficient kind. *Then, this week I got a call from
the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work
had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically
stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking Sales guy had told
me last year.... Namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would
pay for themselves! *Helllooooo? It's been a year! There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.
*
He didn't call back. Bet he felt dumb
 
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
 
this is brilliant and im with the majority on this....

if your going to insult one type of person you need to insult them all. you cant be classed as racist/sexit/ageist/etc if you do it to all of them. :)

5* from me. :) some of the jokes are corkers... :D
 
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