Can you be friends with your ex?

Bloodshot · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:27

I've got a bit of crap situation going on right now. I'm currently with a girlfriend of around 4 and a half months and it was going great - until last weekend. Without going into detail; basically my brother blurted out that I was thinking of going into a house share with him, another friend and my ex girlfriend. Now I split up with my ex-girlfriend about 6 months ago and it was one of those; stuck in limbo break ups. Eventually we decided we'd just be friends and that's how it's been ever since.

As my ex works in the same company (but a different department), I take her to work as well (hence the idea of a house share). I just see this as normal as I get petrol money and she can get to work!

Anyway, my girlfriend didn't take this too well and told me I couldn't house share. Fair enough - so I told everyone we'd have to scrap that idea, but she also wants me to stop taking my friend (ex-gf) to work. I feel this is completely ridiculous and tried to explain the situation a thousand times, but she is very unhappy about the whole thing (to the point I thought she was going to break up).

Do you guys believe you can still be friends with an ex? If not, why not? Some other opinions on this would be great.

Thanks

knip · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:29

Yup one of my ex's is someone I would consider one of my best friends now.
(and im 99% sure he would say the same about me)
Not the same case for all my previous relationships but it is in this instance.

lozza23_uk · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:30

ex GF's and new GF's dont mix. quite simple.

i wish it wasnt the way, but I have to tip toe around loads of events, gigs, social outings because the new GF doesnt like it.

and to be honest i am not best pleased about it. but putting up with it...for now.

Zefan · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:31

if it's a proper loving relationship and it's not a mutually agreed split up (i.e. one party really doesn't want to split up) then I don't think so.

I've been confronted with this situation recently and it's made my thoughts about it concrete.

Rebelius · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:32

I'm best friends with my ex, we went out for 5years, split up last spring, then moved in together in the summer. It works fine.

however, we are both single and have woken up in the same bed after getting ridiculously drunk the night before. But if you're sharing with other people as well and have a girlfriend that you're happy with, that's not likely to happen.

crystaline · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:33

One of my ex's is one of my best friends in the world. Yes it can work as long as you know for sure you have no romantic feelings for that other person any more.

Minxy · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:34

I was with my long term ex for just under 5years and we're really good friends now. My current partner has no issue with this as I've always been open and honest about it. If you have nothing to hide and you and your current partner trust each other then there should be no issue.

james.miller · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:35

its entirely possible. You just both have to be committed to it.

Going to Cali · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:35

Not for me!

|-Chris-| · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:36

If one of the partners still has feelings for the other then I’d say no

What you’ve described there with your ex does sound rather cosy - I can understand where your current girlfriend is coming from.

hybrid · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:36

I speak to a couple of my ex's but im not exactly good friends.

By speaking to her i mean i'll acknowledge her if i bump into her.

Bloodshot · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:36

I'm 100% sure I don't have any romantic feelings for my ex, but obviously she is a friend and I still care about her in that way. She can't get to work without my lift and would effectively be out of a job. This is why I refused to not take her to work.

I think my current girlfriend has been stung with something similar in the past and doesn't trust my ex. Nothing I seem to say will change her mind - it's ******* rubbish

.

Margaret · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:40

After 3 weeks of not being together my ex-Girlfriend clearly annoyed at something else lashed out at me for no reason, so I lashed back and ain't spoken to her since.

Thank god I got the last word though, I hate not getting the last word.

Bloodshot · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:41

Minxy said:
... as I've always been open and honest about it...

You see I think this is where I went wrong; I never told her I take my ex to work as I never saw it as relevant. In hindsight, I think I was wrong.

Minxy · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:44

Bloodshot said:
You see I think this is where I went wrong; I never told her I take my ex to work as I never saw it as relevant. In hindsight, I think I was wrong.

Big mistake, stuff like that is always relevant and more often than not it will come back to bite you.

On the flipside of my friendship with my ex, he once brought his girlfriend out ice skating with me and my partner and she refused to talk to me as I was the evil ex girlfriend. My ex hadn't always been honest with her about when he'd spoken to me etc so I suppose it was natural for her to be a little insecure.

G|mp · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:47

Most of my ex girlfriends hate me with a passion, so no

Bloodshot · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:49

Minxy said:
Big mistake, stuff like that is always relevant and more often than not it will come back to bite you.

On the flipside of my friendship with my ex, he once brought his girlfriend out ice skating with me and my partner and she refused to talk to me as I was the evil ex girlfriend. My ex hadn't always been honest with her about when he'd spoken to me etc so I suppose it was natural for her to be a little insecure.

Yeah, kicking myself now. Lesson learnt I think. Hopefully this relationship won't turn sour because of it.

Minxy · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:53

Bloodshot said:
Yeah, kicking myself now. Lesson learnt I think. Hopefully this relationship won't turn sour because of it.

Level with her and make sure you're honest and hope that it isn't too little, too late.

I hope it all works out for you.

Vixen · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:56

Does your current girlfriend have any contact with your ex? I think it can make all the difference, as the only way your girlfriend can know if your ex is a threat is if she gets a proper chance to judge her.
I've been the girlfriend in a similar situation, and it was difficult to trust the guy, as he kept his ex away from me and before we got together, he didn't have many nice things to say about her. After about a year, I finally met her, and felt more comfortable about them spending time together, although by then it was too late for me to trust him any more.

Surfer · 5 Jun 2007 at 20:57

Bloodshot said:
You see I think this is where I went wrong; I never told her I take my ex to work as I never saw it as relevant. In hindsight, I think I was wrong.

I used to think like this. Then i realized that my gf was being ridiculous, controlling and manipulative. A lot of the time your GF will test you ie test how far she can push you. If you dont push back she will get bored and leave.
Regarding this situation, you arent wrong at all, giving your ex-gf a lift to work isnt any kind of threat at all. Your current gf should be fine about this. If she isnt then its time to find another girlfriend. Do you want your current girlfriend to manipulate/change you into someone who you dont like?