conversation, how?

[Pestilence]

Similar to the OP, I'm about as much use as a chocolate fireguard when it comes to conversation. Unless it's about specific topics. Once the topic runs out, though... sheesh.

I just tend to avoid people, and "large group" social occasions, really. Similar to what Devrij recommended regarding "emulating"... I spend all day at work doing that just to get by. I don't want to have to continue acting on my own time.

tl;dr: Just become a misanthropic recluse. It's quite the life!

 

[No-One]

Ask her what she likes to do in her spare time, what films she likes, etc.

It's not exactly rocket surgery!

I did that with a girl at work once. Asked her what she does, hobbies etc. She just replied "nothing really". God knows how she's so popular

 

[Spenty]

It depends entirely on who it is in the room. Some people bore the **** out of me as I know we don't have much in common and I hate the usual smalltake such as hows the kids doing blah blah blah. Other people I get on with really well and can talk with them for hours. I don't really see the issue if your at work and you don't speak a lot as long as your polite and say good morning etc and answer any questions people may have.

 

[FoxEye]

Well, tonight I met a lass from a dating site. Went to my local of all places.

There was a *lot* of awkward pauses where the conversation died. Fortunately, she was able to restart things each time.

One thing I learned tonight is that I can't drink. After less than a pint, my ability to talk coherently just ups and disappears. I start talking the worst kind of cr4p after that. To her credit, she didn't seem to mind.

But my word, it was a stream of total bs from me Still, I've learned from it.

The outcome was naturally that we wouldn't be getting romantically involved, but she did say I seemed "honest". I think that's a consolation prize of some sort

Anyway, it does make me want to meet other people now. I can only get better at this. Or find someone who's really turned on by awkward silence

 

[Fuzz]

Well done FoxEye..
You'll not only learn how to talk to these creatures but how to play the game better too.

Keep at it, even if you fall on your ass a couple of times. It doesn't matter in the big scheme of things

 

[paradisiac]

Well, tonight I met a lass from a dating site. Went to my local of all places.

There was a *lot* of awkward pauses where the conversation died. Fortunately, she was able to restart things each time.

One thing I learned tonight is that I can't drink. After less than a pint, my ability to talk coherently just ups and disappears. I start talking the worst kind of cr4p after that. To her credit, she didn't seem to mind.

But my word, it was a stream of total bs from me Still, I've learned from it.

The outcome was naturally that we wouldn't be getting romantically involved, but she did say I seemed "honest". I think that's a consolation prize of some sort

Anyway, it does make me want to meet other people now. I can only get better at this. Or find someone who's really turned on by awkward silence

don't forget to send any that you don't like in my direction

 

[Devrij]

Well, tonight I met a lass from a dating site. Went to my local of all places.

There was a *lot* of awkward pauses where the conversation died. Fortunately, she was able to restart things each time.

One thing I learned tonight is that I can't drink. After less than a pint, my ability to talk coherently just ups and disappears. I start talking the worst kind of cr4p after that. To her credit, she didn't seem to mind.

But my word, it was a stream of total bs from me Still, I've learned from it.

The outcome was naturally that we wouldn't be getting romantically involved, but she did say I seemed "honest". I think that's a consolation prize of some sort

Anyway, it does make me want to meet other people now. I can only get better at this. Or find someone who's really turned on by awkward silence

Well done mate, soon they'll be silences charged with sexual tension! On to the next one

 

[No-One]

You can all add me to the list of ocuk social piranhas. It's not really a lack of confidence. It's more the fact that I find myself just not having anything to say. People at work particularly seem that the only thing they want to talk about (even the girls) is football. The only thing I can bring to a conversation about football is how much I despise it so that's not going to to me any favours.

 

[aa6972]

I love talking to girls. I was incredibly shy at school and would be absolutely useless at it. However (and quite ironically) once I got married I gained a huge amount of confidence and could now charm the pants off even the most outrageously hot girl. I think....of course I've never tried because I'm married

Don't really like talking to other guys though. I find it boring and don't really make much effort. Same in large groups - I just find most people dull and switch off.

Have to ask, any example you can give us non married ones?

 

[paradisiac]

Have to ask, any example you can give us non married ones?

just be yourself and don't think of them as future mrs aa6972 but just as people. I find if you don't go in with any expectations or opinions on them by their looks its really easy to talk to anyone.

 

[aa6972]

Its almost like social convention dictates that if you wish to have a good time, you must go out with a group of people or you are considered odd. These are the people that are always first to jump at the opportunity of a night out and yet it almost seems like they were more excited about the idea than when they are actually out and about.

I found that as well, especially now everyone seems to like tagging on fb who they are with, where they go as if that's a status symbols (although not exactly complaining with some of the clubbing pictures )

I am very similar to OP actually, wont go in detail, but doing research and came across this thread.

Want to ask you guys tho, How many of you actually like small talk? Or is it as some book says, you do it as a way to relax the situation so more seriously topic can be introduced? And how often do you feel more "connected" after the chat?

 

[Devrij]

just be yourself and don't think of them as future mrs aa6972 but just as people. I find if you don't go in with any expectations or opinions on them by their looks its really easy to talk to anyone.

Exactly, you could have a conversation with a fat chick wearing a clown mask, why is a hot girl any different? Go talk to them with the mindset "I'll see if she's interesting to talk to" rather than "I hope she thinks I'm interesting to talk to".


For the record, small talk bores the **** out of me. I much prefer to discuss something interesting or complex with an intelligent person. Even if we disagree on the subject at hand, as long as it's logical debate I like it.

 

[paradisiac]

Exactly, you could have a conversation with a fat chick wearing a clown mask, why is a hot girl any different? Go talk to them with the mindset "I'll see if she's interesting to talk to" rather than "I hope she thinks I'm interesting to talk to".

exactly, I don't get why people get so hung up on peoples appearance. obviously if its a potential date, then yeh looks are important. but for every day situations I know people that wont talk to someone because of how they look. yet I find some of the most interesting people to talk to are those that are different.

For the record, small talk bores the **** out of me. I much prefer to discuss something interesting or complex with an intelligent person. Even if we disagree on the subject at hand, as long as it's logical debate I like it.

I like social interaction so I am more than happy to engage in small talk, but I find it generally diverges into something more interesting quickly once common ground is found. im all up for a debate, I think conversations go better if you have a conflict of opinion on some things, as long as both parties are aware its good to disagree sometimes and it doesn't turn into an argument.

 

[Devrij]

I like social interaction so I am more than happy to engage in small talk, but I find it generally diverges into something more interesting quickly once common ground is found. im all up for a debate, I think conversations go better if you have a conflict of opinion on some things, as long as both parties are aware its good to disagree sometimes and it doesn't turn into an argument.

Ah yeah, you have to start with a bit of chat until you find out what you can talk about. I mean people who ONLY do small talk, where there is no evolution of the conversation.

 

[aa6972]

Ah yeah, you have to start with a bit of chat until you find out what you can talk about. I mean people who ONLY do small talk, where there is no evolution of the conversation.

Is not hard to ask a stranger about the weather or whatever, I don't even mean picking up girls, just the skills in turning another person into friends. (Is it really better to listen then to tell stories? Or as the pick up forum call it DHV? )

That talk to stranger blog is great actually, just lack the details.

It is strange tho, no one have problem when hey are young but it just seems to get harder as it gets older.

 

[paradisiac]

Is not hard to ask a stranger about the weather or whatever, I don't even mean picking up girls, just the skills in turning another person into friends. (Is it really better to listen then to tell stories? Or as the pick up forum call it DHV? )

That talk to stranger blog is great actually, just lack the details.

It is strange tho, no one have problem when hey are young but it just seems to get harder as it gets older.

I have found its been easier as I have got older. at my school we had really 'clicky' groups, so it made it hard to mix with anyone not in your current circle of friends. I was fairly lucky in as much as I didn't fit into any 'click' so I kinda just mixed with whoever. but as you get older more situations arise where social contact with strangers is required. at work, when you go to a shop, pub, cinema......its always possible to add a bit of small talk whilst you are handing over money or whatever.
I suppose it all depends on who you are and what you want out of life. I have found I come across as friendly, so I get repeat customers who specifically ask to see me. now I wouldn't consider them friends, but still, proves I can interact well enough to leave an impression.

my biggest issue, is I don't know who I am anymore. so trying to work that one out to be happy within myself. so easy to have conversations as I can be pretty much anyone at any given moment

 

[Surfer]

"Hey ladies, want to come back to my place and look at all the effluent that's come up through my bizarrely placed drain? It's in the living room! Ok, maybe see you later."

haha! i wouldnt have them anywhere near the living room tbh... i'd just invite them to my room and ply them with alcohol...shandy, lambrini or some other sophisticated beverage