coping with losing someone

Thread definitely puts things into perspective. I don't know how I will cope when the day comes but as others have said you just have to try your best and remember the good times and not dwell on it too much as it will eat away at you.
 
garyfl said:
hes not going to make it through today so were all going to see him to say goodbye, its hurting and im petrified but i need to do this, i know id never be able to forgive myself otherwise
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These threads make you realise how vulnerable we all are. It's very scary and I think I've been living in a fairytale for 20 odd years blanking out all thats bad.

I have no idea how I would cope with your situation. I'm the opposite of strong and not sure what to say, it's a reality check for sure. My thoughts are with you.
 
garyfl said:
hes not going to make it through today so were all going to see him to say goodbye, its hurting and im petrified but i need to do this, i know id never be able to forgive myself otherwise
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Stay strong.This was never going to be easy but just make sure you dont keep it bottled up.
Im glad that you are getting to see him before he passes, it'll mean the world to him and you, thats for sure.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
 
I'm sorry to hear your news.
I went through the same thing last year.
The only advice I can give is to try and be strong.
I found that talking to people helped me, but we are all different.
 
i finally went through to see him, was the hardest time in my life, i had some time with him alone to tell him all what i wanted to get off my chest, told him my regrets, how sorry i was and thayt i really loved him and that id be running in a marathon for him, told him things that i hadnt told him since i was born. he was unresponsive and on morphine, but he squeezed my hand and that gave me so much comfort, i feel like a weight has been lifted, im so at ease. he was in so much pain and although unconscious hed randomly scream as the pain relief cannot touch him, the cancer in his spine must be travelling up into his bran and i have heard this is instant. i love him to pieces and i made sure i told him lots, and that hes my hero and ill always look upto him and hel always be my dad. hardest time in my life, i will admit.
 
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garyfl said:
just got a phonecall from mum, dad had woken up for a second before his morphine injection, she held the phone to his ear and i told him i loved him and my goodbyes, god sake it is the hardest thing ever had had to do :(
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That's so sad. :( Feel for you mate. :(

I lost my nan almost a fortnight ago & the Funeral's tomorrow which I'm not looking forward to at all. :( She was 93 & everyone said that's a good innings, but she stopped eating & at the end she weighed FOUR stone despite the efforts of the hospital. It took her almost two months to die from the time she was admitted to hospital & I felt it was so cruel for her to go that way. :(

It just feels so strange that I've had my nan around all my life & after 46 years I'll never see her again. Mum is OK right now but I fear there will be floods of tears tomorrow from everyone there & I'll be the shoulder to cry on. :(
 
Mate I am so pleased that you went down there. No one knows how you truly feel, even those who have been in 'similar' situations. Know now that you have had your moment with him and he can pass on as peacefully as possible.

I know the NHS gets absolutely decimated on the forums and in general, but I was chuffed to bits with the care my Dad got in his last few days, literally couldn't have asked for anything better. Know that they will control his pain relief to the very best of their abilities and he will get a chance to pass in peace.
 
they have him on a syringe driver and it fell out so he was screaming a lot which hurt the kids, also hurt me, the hardest part was realising he couldnt talk or wasnt conscious and he was just laid there a skinny old shell of his former self. i slate the nhs too but seriously, i could not of asked for better care for him, they came in all the time checking on him, hes in a special inflatable bed that moves around to stop sores etc. hes at st james in leeds, probably one of the only hopsitals in my entire life i give thumbs up to
 
if anyone wants to talk they know where my trust is, not about what im going through but it as a whole, ive gone from being a stone to a complete human being and i feel better for it.
 
I've just read this thread for the first time and seeing the post where you say you went to hospital relieved me of a morbid feeling I had whilst reading the whole thread.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

We acquire the strength we have overcome. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
garyfl said:
if anyone wants to talk they know where my trust is, not about what im going through but it as a whole, ive gone from being a stone to a complete human being and i feel better for it.
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Good. It's a good step forward in grief to be in touch with your emotions rather than becoming numb. It probably will still happen, but for you to know there is a silver lining to all this is a good step forward.

For me, with my grandfather and father dying, the silver lining was basically stepping up and looking after my family as they would have wanted, and it's given me so much more motivation to do something with myself, and strive to achieve bigger goals.

To overcome grief we move on with it, not from it.

How is your mum doing?
 
i honestly dont know, she calls me a lot to confide, telling me that she loves him so much and that theyre best friends and she wishes hed just wake up and say cmon love lets get out of here but shes learnt to accept it, shes told him he can let go now and that we all love him, hes refusing to let go and i know why, hes worried we all wont be okay :( hes stopped eating and drinking now so its just a matter of time, giving him water will only prolong it and thats cruel. hes very peaceful and theyve upped the morphine so hes in a gentle sleep.
 
garyfl, im in exactly the same position with my mum. Its awful. But for me it has also put things very much in perspective - let just say for the last few weeks I have most definitely listened more and given much more time and cuddles to wife and 4 year old.
As for the doctors and nurses, I have had a glimpse into their everyday 'world' and am humbled.
Am
 
Firstly I am so sorry to hear of your situation and my thoughts are with you and your family.

I lost my Dad last month to Prostate Cancer, I've tried typing just how I feel and how hard it is but I lack the words to describe it. The things that keep me going is knowing he would want me to be happy in life and also to be there for my Mum and be strong for her.

Each day is a challenge and small things can bring you to tears. I think its important not bottle things up, I'll have a good cry, I'll sit and talk about Dad and all the memories I have of him, laugh a bit and then cry some more, its an emotional roller coaster. No other way to describe it. One minute you can feel OK almost as if things are normal and next your in floods of tears when you see or hear something that reminds you of him. I miss him terribly.
 
“When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.”

William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
 
MissileMoose said:
Ultimately, don't be afraid to cry. It doesn't make you any less of a man.
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I can't stress this enough! It is a natural way to show ones grief and to hold it in will make things worse, never ever be ashamed of your feelings especially in such hard times as this.

Honestly that is the only advice I can give you, I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through nor would I try to. Take each day as it arrives and slowly you will get through it.

It is probably rather clichéd but "time is great healer".

Stoner81.
 
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