Divorce advice!!

drunken fool · 1 May 2006 at 22:49

Well, looks like me and the missus will soon be me and the ex-missus as she's finally decided to leave me for good. The question is what happens with the house and everthing inside?

Having never looked into this before or been in this position before i'm looking for a little advice. My opinion is i will give her a cheque for the difference in purchase to sale price for the house plus a little extra for the furnishings that are shared. Is that reasonable (bearing in mind i pay in 75% of the earnings in the house)?

She's decided to leave me and leave the house so as far as i am concerned the ball should be in my court on what i offer. I just don't want to sell the house and then have to buy it back.

Thanks in advance all........

Vanilla · 1 May 2006 at 22:51

Solicitor.

Now and every step of the way. If not doing the talking for you at least for advice on everything.

drunken fool · 1 May 2006 at 22:52

Vanilla said:
Solicitor.

Now and every step of the way. If not doing the talking for you at least for advice on everything.

thing is we are still talking and trying to do this amicably. Is it still best for a solicitor?

Raymond Lin · 1 May 2006 at 22:52

^^^ yup

Solicitor, and i hope this goes smoothly for you. Your solicitor will explain everything about the procedure.

jcb33 · 1 May 2006 at 22:53

drunken fool said:
thing is we are still talking and trying to do this amicably. Is it still best for a solicitor?

I would say yes, you may be talking now, but if anything should go wrong, a solicitor gives you a net to fall into, better to be safe than sorry as they say

Vanilla · 1 May 2006 at 22:53

drunken fool said:
thing is we are still talking and trying to do this amicably. Is it still best for a solicitor?

At least for advice yes. If it is amicable then come to an agreement amongst yourselves but get it in writing.

AthlonTom · 1 May 2006 at 22:53

Start transfering things into others peoples names if your desperate not to loose particular things. Or see a solicitor and get real advice.

Alasdair · 1 May 2006 at 22:53

Get a valuation done by a surveyor based on the current condition of the house. Remortgage for halfway between what you paid for the house and the valuation (call it X). Give her the difference (x minus the original purchase price).

As you're married, it'll probably be a 50:50 split (for richer, for poorer etc), so that's the easiest way of working it out.

al

Kell_ee001 · 1 May 2006 at 22:55

Vanilla said:
Solicitor.

Now and every step of the way. If not doing the talking for you at least for advice on everything.

Quoted again as this is the best advise you can get

drunken fool · 1 May 2006 at 22:55

cheers guys, will try and sort a solicitor in the morning. Although, maybe afternoon based on how many beers i have had since 'the announcement'

Mr Spew · 1 May 2006 at 22:58

If you're still talking, obviously that's a good thing, and you may be able to request whatever you paid into the house, you keep.

drunken fool · 1 May 2006 at 23:02

Mr Spew said:
If you're still talking, obviously that's a good thing, and you may be able to request whatever you paid into the house, you keep.

As said above, i earn a lot more than she does and therefore paid more in. If it were to come to the decision of one of us has to have the house then it's only me that can afford it on my own.

If hoping i can give her a cheque for half the difference on the house minus what i've paid for her car

Mr Spew · 1 May 2006 at 23:22

Why so? Try your luck first, see if she'll play ball with getting just a little more than she's paid into it.

UOcUK Poopscoop · 1 May 2006 at 23:47

drunken fool said:
As said above, i earn a lot more than she does and therefore paid more in. If it were to come to the decision of one of us has to have the house then it's only me that can afford it on my own.

If hoping i can give her a cheque for half the difference on the house minus what i've paid for her car

You have been given the best advice you can possibly get in this thread.

Solicitor.

Her and your amiable position could change very quickly when possessions and large amounts of money are involved.

Also if it goes through the courts you may get to learn a new definition of what "fair" means.

I assume there are no kids involved, if so reconsile yourself to the fact it could have been a lot worse.

drunken fool · 1 May 2006 at 23:53

UOcUK Poopscoop said:
Also if it goes through the courts you may get to learn a new definition of what "fair" means.

I assume there are no kids involved, if so reconsile yourself to the fact it could have been a lot worse.

no kids, but one 3 year old springer spaniel which may as well be my baby

Ghost in the Shell · 2 May 2006 at 00:01

im in the same position right now except its me who's choosing to leave, i was hoping this post was more about the emotional issues as thats what i am going through and was hoping to offer some advice on the subject (and maybe get some!)

however im going to add a comment to the financial side if i may, solicitors are very expensive so be warned they will eat away at your money and ultimately make you feel you should not loose much in the process (basically they see any extra they can get you as their fair game for payment of fees.

accept your going to get shafted on this and have to pay out but if your like me you can at least rest somewhat assured that they money is going to a worthy cause (not solicitors for a start)

because i am leaving my wife wants to cut me out of any or at least very little financial payoff.. maybe its no worse than fair given i am choosing to leave when she would rather i stayed but in my eyes so long as im in a position to get my new life off the ground with some cash then so be it, at least she wont have to struggle financially as well as the undoubtedly heavy emotional hardship.

try to keep perspective and think positively about the change in lifestyle you have to face, this is going to be an unpleasent time for you both and your families but you will survive it and the future is yours to determine

some other advice would be if you dont already:

*join a gym, take some steps to keep fit (the endorphins will help through this)
*speak to relate or another councilling organisation (they're cheaper than solicitors and offer unbiased views
*stop making plans, just for the time being allow yourself to take life at an easier pace and stop you from being in a position to get dissapointed if things take a bad turn

most of all remember to keep talking to others about, appologise before hand if you need to in case you worry they will struggle with the outpouring of the situation but they will understand im sure.

i wish you well through all this and you have a great new life ahead of you.

peace

singist · 2 May 2006 at 00:05

I'm in the opposite camp I'm afraid ..... by all means brief a solicitor but try to work it out amicably ..... especially as you are still talking etc. Come to common sence arrangements and then discuss if you think it necessary to actually involve the money grabbers (lawyers).

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

drunken fool · 2 May 2006 at 00:08

Ghost in the Shell said:
..........

cheers for the advice mate, even though we may be in different situations they are still similar.

We have already tried relate and other counselling organisations but she never seemed to be able to handle them.

I have always had a problem with talking to others about my situations. I guess thats part of being an only child but i seem to have solved that with alcohol (be that a good or bad thing).

I have already accepted i am likely to get shafted and (in some strange way) am starting to think that she may have only ever been in it for the money and 'power people' that i work with.

Well, i suppose that life goes on......

drunken fool · 2 May 2006 at 00:09

drunken fool said:
cheers for the advice mate, even though we may be in different situations they are still similar.

We have already tried relate and other counselling organisations but she never seemed to be able to handle them.

I have always had a problem with talking to others about my situations. I guess thats part of being an only child but i seem to have solved that with alcohol (be that a good or bad thing).

I have already accepted i am likely to get shafted and (in some strange way) am starting to think that she may have only ever been in it for the money and 'power people' that i work with.

Well, i suppose that life goes on......

edit : email me your msn if you fancy talking about it. email in trust

Ghost in the Shell · 2 May 2006 at 00:19

drunken fool said:
cheers for the advice mate, even though we may be in different situations they are still similar.

We have already tried relate and other counselling organisations but she never seemed to be able to handle them.

I have always had a problem with talking to others about my situations. I guess thats part of being an only child but i seem to have solved that with alcohol (be that a good or bad thing).

I have already accepted i am likely to get shafted and (in some strange way) am starting to think that she may have only ever been in it for the money and 'power people' that i work with.

Well, i suppose that life goes on......

in response -

she could use relate sessions for a 1-1 for a while until she feels the mediator has an understanding of her side which may well help to work together

im also an only child and i know what you mean but do find someone to work things through with, and preferably not a bottle they dont offer any long term solutions.. enjoy the freedom it provides you by all means but dont rely on it or see it as the answer. disasociate the two or you are likely to have an even bigger problem on your hands

even if its true that she used you, your only torturing yourself with feelings like that. be the better man and wish her well with her choices, it will help you in the long run and if it has any affect on her it will only be that she can relect on the good man that you are...

i dont have MSN on my mac at the mo and have to go to bed shortly but brownswoodbasement at gmail.com and maybe some other time we can chew the fat of life.

easy now