Do you ever wonder why you put yourself through it? - Relationship thread warning

Gaygle said:
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but i have just got to ask...

If you hate being dumped so much and are reluctant to let anyone in your life, why did you start a relationship with someone 5+ years younger than you, who lives 300 miles away? I mean, there wasn't really much hope from the start really.

To me, it just kind of looks like desperation to have someone "there" and you say that you think you might have been a rebound, but honestly, i think he might have a rebound too.
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I let someone in because I thought I was ready for it and this has been a harsh reminder of how much it hurts.

As for him being a rebound, if only it were true. I waited a long while before I considered seeing someone else. Not desperate...just disappointed. I've been asked out numerous times (I'm a young female in the motor trade) but turned them all down. This one I happened across by accident and really liked him plus he seemed equally as keen. It wasn't an immediate decision, it was something I thought about first and asked myself if I could cope with the long distance thing.

Sp00n - yes we met at Hi-Lan.

Jono - added :)

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm sure I'll bounce back in time, it just really took me by surprise as things seemed to be going so well.
 
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regulus said:
A bummer man. In my humble opinion, feelings that is not reciprocated is worse than being dumped. I've had a time in my life where I loved a girl more than anything in the world, she loved me, but unfortunately she loved someone else more. For a short few months, life was incredibly, wonderfully perfect. We could have a whole conversation with our eyes just looking at each other. Eventually I had to let her go (long, looooong story) as whatever chemicals my body was producing when she was around/away, was getting too rough to handle.

I walked around gutted for months and months, everything literally seemed bleak, but the pain did fade. Yours will as well.

On another note, I think every relationship that ends changes a person irreversibly. As if a small piece of your heart dies along with the death of a relationship. Sadly, it can reinforce the rest of your heart to a point where letting another person in is difficult. I'm in a happy 7 year relationship, but I still guard the core of my heart and being. I can't go through that type of gut wrenching pain again. I would not recognise myself at the end this time.

Anyway, chin up. Plenty of fish and all that. Keep busy and before you know it, the sun will shine a bit brighter again. :)
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I know exactly what you mean :(, I'm going through the same thing. Glad to see it all worked out for you.
 
You'll be allright Minxy, these things happen. It's never easy to find the right person, just try get out there and get to know people. It is difficult to go through the whole getting to know phase, and tbh, it's a lot easier when the person is closer to home. Just take it easy and not rush in to anything. Good luck. :)
 
Deific said:
lol oh how the forum mantra changes when the OP is female
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Indeed. "man up!" and "shag her sister" would have been the common themes in the replies to a man. "woman up!" and "shag his brother" are rather less likely replies.

To answer the question in the thread title - yes, I did wonder why I put myself through it. So I stopped doing so. I've been single for more than 10 years now and my life is much better for it. Relationships are like pretty gardens full of concealed pits...everything is lovely and then bam! you're crawling around dazed in a pit. Too much variation for me. It works for some people and good luck to them, but it's not for me.
 
Thanks guys!

I don't really want to shag his brother, I think one in the family is enough. :D

The bit I'm struggling with is accepting it but I guess that will come.
 
Welshy - I live in Crawley and generaly avoid the town centre at all costs.

Magnolia...I know, thank you. I am trying believe me.
 
If you let yourself get that deep into a relationship in 10 weeks I think there are troubles ahead for any future ones. Let's be straight here and realise the chances of finding someone you'll last your life with are rare. Don't jump into the deep end so soon.

To think you even know someone well enough to let yourself become so vunerable so soon. I've known my best friends for 10 years or so and I still learn things about them, but it took a long time to know them more than anyone else. Same goes for partners, you can't possibly know them well enough in such a short period.

If you're going into a relationship to "give it one more go" after a heart shattering break up or are under the impression you even need to "give it another chance" something is wrong, I have no doubt this is making it worse for you.

You can't honestly expect everyone you get close to will always last, it's just not healthy. But again we're all different, I come out of them thinking "meh" and other people slit their wrists. So yeah, I'm pretty much just ranting more than giving advice.

Just, don't think of it as "chances" and "trying again".
 
Giving up on something should never be seen as a sign of weakness. Sometimes it just goes to show that you're strong enough to let go :D

Be strong and let go. You'll soon find yourself wondering why you even had to let yourself get down about it all ;)
 
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