Do you have seperate money from your wife?

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We have a joint account and a seperate account each. I put a wedge in our joint account a month for house purchases, hols, days out etc. She buys all the food from her wages and i pay all the bills and mortgage plus car expenses from mine. Worst thing i ever did was have a joint only with the ex wife, never knew who was spending what and she was always moaning when i brought my self something now and again.
 
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We have a joint account and a seperate account each. I put a wedge in our joint account a month for house purchases, hols, days out etc. She buys all the food from her wages and i pay all the bills and mortgage plus car expenses from mine. Worst thing i ever did was have a joint only with the ex wife, never knew who was spending what and she was always moaning when i brought my self something now and again.

This is what my missus and I do. Our wages go into the joint account, then we take out whatever is spare after bills, food, petrol, etc and that goes into our personal accounts so we can save up for our own stuff if we want. That way I can buy expensive stuff by saying I saved up for it, and she can do the same. No arguments. We buy eachother dinner based on who has the most money or who did it last time etc, or it just comes out of the joint account food budget.
 
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On the wagon, sorta
my money is mine and my girlfriend of 13 years keeps her own money. to be fair i am paid substantially more than her so i pay almost all the bills and we both end up with around the same at the end of the month for each of us.

This works well for us, if i had children it would be a different story, my money would be relinquished over to the family and i would retain a small amount of 'pocket money' for my self. fortunately or unfortunately depending on your outlook on life i do not have children at this moment in time.
 
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sounds like there a lot of guys who will end up in a tricky position in a few years time. ALWAYS keep a stash of wealth somewhere that only you can access, to do anything else is simply foolish.
 
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My wife and I have a joint account for bills, then our own current accounts and savings accounts. We find it works for us and she doesn't mind how much I spend on running kit and pc bits.
 

aln

aln

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Depends which way you swing it - you could say that you both should spend an equal percentage of your wage on living costs each month. As you are paid better maybe you should pay more?

Only playing devils advocate really, it's not something I've ever given much thought to - I make as near as makes no difference double the mrs salary at the moment but we effectively share a complete wage. If we just split every bill 50/50 she would have practically nothing to spend on herself each month.

I'm the first to agree that people should do whats right for them, but looking at the negative sides of your point (from my pessimistic view point):-

  • I'm a tad older, but essentially I made better choices in life. I went to uni, found a career and I earn more than she does because I worked harder. She coasted and got nowhere.
  • This arrangement has led her to rethink that plan and nows shes studying and will be earning quite a bit more in the years to come. Basically, shes doing what I did, only shes a bit older than I was.
  • I don't pay my bills as a percentage of my income, when my income goes up, my bills stay the same. I'm not sure I agree with the premiss of a percentage at all.
  • We don't have kids, this may change the dynamics of the arrangment, but thats only after we are in a good place together in life.
  • 50% of marriges end in divorce in the UK. Why should I pay more always, then need to fight over who gets what?
  • She doesn't pay anything she wouldn't need to pay anyway.
  • If and when she starts earning more than me, she might resent keeping me. Why cut off my *****?

I figure I'd rather work less hours for less money than be a big earner. She shouldn't need to pay more because I make a decision like that, and I shouldn't have to pay more because she doesn't pull her own weight. Moreso, I shouldn't need to ask other people if I want to make a decision like that. Basically, we both have the independence to make decisions in our lives as long as we make nominal payments, and I think that makes more sense than any other system.
 
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Joint account which bills come out of. Put in X-Amount each month to cover rent, council tax, internet etc. We have our own accounts though.

I don't know why we'd share each others money unless it was to pay for bills? However, I completely appreciate that this is how my life is and that other people will approach things differently :)


Oops - should read thread more closely, sorry! We aren't married.
 
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Soldato
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Added some replies below, I can accept your points tbh it's just not the way for me (at the moment!)

  • I'm a tad older....
    Same here, though in fairness she's only 3 years younger than me and in the last circa 4 years my wages have went up in the region of 80%, if she follows even closely to that or exceeds it everything will balance out in the end

  • This arrangement has led her to rethink that plan and nows shes studying and will be earning quite a bit more in the years to come. Basically, shes doing what I did, only shes a bit older than I was.

  • I don't pay my bills as a percentage of my income...
    I take your point, but inevitably when your income goes up your bills increase too (not proportionally) through silly things like buying more at the shops each week to choices like buying a better car, moving to a bigger house bringing a mortgage and council tax increase etc etc. If you live together surely you make these kind of choices together and your overall standard of living is set by what you can afford jointly rather than what your partner can neccesarily afford. We could (just) live on a single wage - if reduced to that permanently though there is no way I'd choose to have / pay for the things I do at the moment.

  • We don't have kids,...
    No disgreement there

  • 50% of marriges end in divorce .....
    There is a balance to be sought here - it's not all about who pays for what throughout a relationship, but by the same token I wouldn't and don't have all of my cash piled into one big shared account.
  • She doesn't pay anything she wouldn't need to pay anyway.covered above

  • If and when she starts earning more than me, she might resent keeping me. Why cut off my *****?
    She might, she might not - that's the chance you take
 
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aln

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Added some replies below, I can accept your points tbh it's just not the way for me (at the moment!)

Like we already agreed, whatever works for you, but I'll respond a few more times just for clarity.

I'm a tad older....
Same here, though in fairness she's only 3 years younger than me and in the last circa 4 years my wages have went up in the region of 80%, if she follows even closely to that or exceeds it everything will balance out in the end

My undertone is we both basically earn what we deserve to earn, more or less. The world isn't perfect in this sense, but gulf between us is big enough that you cannot attribute it to anything other than the fact that she sat on her backside watching jezza when I went out and tried to make something of myself.

Therefore, its completely fair that I earn more than her, and she doesn't really have a right to complain about it, nor does she. That only established that I shouldn't share all my money, where I disagree on your % point is, as I've said, is because they're bills based on consumption, and the only percentage you can really attribute to it would be 50%.

However, its about more than that. As I previously said, I work to live and I'd rather get paid less and enjoy myself than pull in big bucks with an attempt at balacing out or winning on how much we pay. In reality I don't care about money all that much, its more about freedom and the fact its uncomplicated.

Basically, we both need to do the bare minimum. Anything beyond that is a bonus for yourself, and therefore you choose to do that based on your desire. I could, in theory, choose to work one day a week and earn enough to pay my share, would you then argue that I'm a) not pulling my weight, or b) should pay less because I have less spending money?

I don't pay my bills as a percentage of my income...
I take your point, but inevitably when your income goes up your bills increase too (not proportionally) through silly things like buying more at the shops each week to choices like buying a better car, moving to a bigger house bringing a mortgage and council tax increase etc etc. If you live together surely you make these kind of choices together and your overall standard of living is set by what you can afford jointly rather than what your partner can neccesarily afford. We could (just) live on a single wage - if reduced to that permanently though there is no way I'd choose to have / pay for the things I do at the moment.

Whilst I take your point, its because people spend more money on crap when they have more money. I know I certainly do. However, given that our budget is dictated based on how much we both put into the shared account, thus if she isn't willing or able to put in more, there is no budget creep.

Now if I wanted to spend my money on a fancy car, thats my problem, and I'll pay for that. We don't really share cars; thats difficult for most of the country considering the state of public transport, and even then few who can afford it would want to. Basically, you need to actually think about what is a 50/50 bill, because that example is a bit out of wack.

Regarding the mortgage and associated bills, I pay them on my own as she couldn't afford them and I'd bought this house when we were just together a year. You're right in the sense that if we buy a bigger house together, she'd need to pay more, but I'm not going to make such a decision alone, and we're not going to do that until she is in a position to agree to that.

50% of marriges end in divorce .....
There is a balance to be sought here - it's not all about who pays for what throughout a relationship, but by the same token I wouldn't and don't have all of my cash piled into one big shared account.

Don't take me the wrong way, I don't worry about such things on a daily basis. I just like to live my life by the rule that if I can't explain it to myself, it doesn't make sense.

I cannot for the life of me explain why I should pay more than her, neither could see, so I don't. I'm happy to wait for her to be finished Uni and start earning before we move on to bigger and better, so its really no big deal.

If and when she starts earning more than me, she might resent keeping me. Why cut off my *****?
She might, she might not - that's the chance you take

Its a chance I don't need to take.

Theres some stats that suggest the majority of arguments stem from money and theres a lot of things I completely avoid because I do not criticise her spending, and I do not allow anyone to criticise mine.

Either way, my point is when she decides she doesn't want to climb the ladder anymore in life, it doesn't affect me and I can't complain. If I decide I'd like a sabbatical, it doesn't affect her and she can't complain. As long as we can cover that payment, we've both met our obligations, and neither party has anything to complain about ever. It goes both ways and it just works.
 
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We have individual accounts and transfer a big chunk of our wages monthly into it. Bills etc are paid out of that, and big joint expenses like Holidays. I invest the surplus on our behalf and explain why.

The rest of the cash stays in our individual accounts and is used for whatever we individually want.
 
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I have an account, my wife has an account and we have a joint account we both pay a percentage of our wages into.
The rest I squander :D

How does that work if one of you earns a lot more than the other?

One drives an Audi whilst the other stresses about covering the insurance costs of her Corsa? :D
 
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How does that work if one of you earns a lot more than the other?

One drives an Audi whilst the other stresses about covering the insurance costs of her Corsa? :D

I know a couple who are like that...they split everything 50/50 and keep their incomes entirely separate. When both were working that was fine, but now with 4 kids the wife has had to give up work and has no income other than child benefit....the husband still only pays 50% of the outgoings and she is struggling to pay her share on what is left of her savings.

We have spoken to the husband about it, but he simply says if she wants money then she can get a job, although he says it's not his job to look after the kids on a daily basis either so she could get a job. He has to play cricket on a Sunday and works mon-fri, and he needs at least one day to himself......

He is an arse to be honest.
 
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I know a couple who are like that...they split everything 50/50 and keep their incomes entirely separate. When both were working that was fine, but now with 4 kids the wife has had to give up work and has no income other than child benefit....the husband still only pays 50% of the outgoings and she is struggling to pay her share on what is left of her savings.

We have spoken to the husband about it, but he simply says if she wants money then she can get a job, although he says it's not his job to look after the kids on a daily basis either so she could get a job. He has to play cricket on a Sunday and works mon-fri, and he needs at least one day to himself......

He is an arse to be honest.

Sounds like a keeper. :rolleyes:
 

aln

aln

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I know a couple who are like that...they split everything 50/50 and keep their incomes entirely separate. When both were working that was fine, but now with 4 kids the wife has had to give up work and has no income other than child benefit....the husband still only pays 50% of the outgoings and she is struggling to pay her share on what is left of her savings.

We have spoken to the husband about it, but he simply says if she wants money then she can get a job, although he says it's not his job to look after the kids on a daily basis either so she could get a job. He has to play cricket on a Sunday and works mon-fri, and he needs at least one day to himself......

He is an arse to be honest.

Depends how old the kids are though. Going by your story, I assume they are young and if thats the case, then he is an arse. If they're at school all day, then both of them are likely in the wrong.

Why anyone would have 4 kids without talking about such things before hand is somewhat questionable though.


EdGey said:
How does that work if one of you earns a lot more than the other?

One drives an Audi whilst the other stresses about covering the insurance costs of her Corsa?

I don't have the Audi, but yeah, thats how it works. Problem?
 
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