Dropping off/collecting loved ones - what's reasonable?

VincentHanna · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:31

Had a 'discussion' about this very topic last night with my wife after she got in from a night out with her work mates.

The last train back from where they went (Colchester) to where we live (Chelmsford) is pathetically early - It's something stupid like 10:30 p.m. and they wanted to be out late, which is fair enough.

The distance by car from my house to Colchester is 30 mins each way. I would argue that a 1 hour round trip is too far to be driving out to at 1 a.m. in the morning.

However, one of my wife's, colleagues 'other halves' was willing to do it and so my wife is of the opinion that I should offer up my services in future to make it fair.

Obviously I want to make sure my wife gets home safe, and I'm grateful to the person that did, but I also think they are a bit of mug.

So where would you draw the line with your significant other and/or your 18+ teenage kids?

Caveat - if my wife was in distress or something unexpected happened meaning she was unable to get home, then of course I would go and get her.

sneakysnail · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:34

it's 1 hour. it's nothing. Just do it. It shouldn't be a big deal and something you do every week that effects your own plans but it's a fair request.

I worry about a person who wouldn't pick up a family member who's only a short distance away.

Quartz · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:35

VincentHanna said:
So where would you draw the line with your significant other and/or your 18+ teenage kids?

If you're going to be out at 1 am and you're not local, you should book a hotel or a taxi. A half-hour trip can easily turn into an hour-long trip.

Sho · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:39

VincentHanna said:
However, one of my wife's, colleagues 'other halves' was willing to do it and so my wife is of the opinion that I should offer up my services in future to make it fair.

I agree with your Mrs.

It's only an hour drive. Get on with it.

Zefan · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:41

The bit I'd have a problem with here is the assuming part. If it was something like 10 minutes drive, then it's difficult to argue that it's a hardship, but 30 minutes is enough extra to make it not quite the same ballpark... If someone else wants to do it then fine, and I probably would, but the chances of that would be diminished considerably if it was assumed that I would simply based on someone else's willingness to do so.

VincentHanna · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:44

sneakysnail said:
it's 1 hour. it's nothing. Just do it. It shouldn't be a big deal and something you do every week that effects your own plans but it's a fair request.

I worry about a person who wouldn't pick up a family member who's only a short distance away.

Note that I did drop her off at the station at 6 p.m and that alone took me 50 minutes, due to Friday evening traffic. That's a journey that would take 5 minutes (each way) with no traffic.

Liquid_Entity · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:45

I would say so long as she would offer the same service if you were out late then do it.

I can't be in that position because my wife doesn't drive. Plus young kids so can't leave the house anyway.

RDM · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:46

Half hour each way I wouldn’t even think twice about. Being told to do it rather than being asked though, I would have problems with that, but then my wife would always ask.

Bear · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:49

If my wife is out late, she gets a cab home. If she was stranded with no way to get home, of course I would get her but a cab is her first option.

VincentHanna · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:52

Liquid_Entity said:
I would say so long as she would offer the same service if you were out late then do it.

I can't be in that position because my wife doesn't drive. Plus young kids so can't leave the house anyway.

My wife doesn't drive either.

I'll be clearer - she hasn't offered my services out, but she thinks I should volunteer next time they are out.

Nitefly · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:53

If it’s a sort of ‘one off thing’ and not a monthly event, fine? Wouldn’t even question it. I’d actually quite like to do is as a gesture - putting yourself out so she can have a nice time.

I’d only start to get miffed if became frequent and ‘assumed’ - which a reasonable / decent partner wouldn’t do.

Could taxi every other time, or whatever.

Martynt74 · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:56

For 30 mins I’m surprised she wouldn’t just get a taxi. Especially if splitting it with someone.

1am is fairly late and stops you being able to have a drink which is always nice on a Friday night. Plus you’re not getting home till 2am which has knock on effects if you want to do anything Saturday morning.

peterwalkley · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:57

Semi academic for us as we have children and leaving them for an hour in the night would be a call to social services. If we were single then I think it would depend on frequency: couple of times in a year no problem, every weekend - no chance.

I guess the other question is what would you expect if positions were reversed.

Steeps · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:58

Suggest one of them should be the designated driver. Saves on train fare and everyone gets home safe.

dowie · 23 Nov 2019 at 10:59

Why didn't she just jump in a taxi?

I mean if one wasn't available then I don't think it is particularly unreasonable - what else were you doing at 1am on a Friday night if available to drive? You can pause the TV etc.. if you were just about to go to bed then you were due to be woken up again in an hour anyway... I don't see how it has an effect on anything, you'll be back in bed by 2am so no dramas... it's not like she's waking you up at 5am from some all night rave and ruining the next day etc..

It's hardly a big deal or interfering with your night etc.. and would you not also like to have it reciprocated next time you want a lift somewhere etc..?

iamdjdz · 23 Nov 2019 at 11:00

For me it depends what's on the next day. If I have to be up early etc then she can get a cab, if not then yeah I don't mind going out - I'd be a bit annoyed if it was 1am because I'm usually asleep but for a one off no probs.

Puzzled · 23 Nov 2019 at 11:00

Wouldn't want to do it regularly but every now and then wouldn't be a big deal, roads are nice and quiet then anyway.

I don't particularly like giving drunk people a lift though and a taxi between them shouldn't cost too much (unless they live all over the place).

Efour · 23 Nov 2019 at 11:01

Essex women eh? Amirite?

Participant · 23 Nov 2019 at 11:32

VincentHanna said:
However, one of my wife's, colleagues 'other halves' was willing to do it and so my wife is of the opinion that I should offer up my services in future to make it fair.

Obviously I want to make sure my wife gets home safe, and I'm grateful to the person that did, but I also think they are a bit of mug.

I wouldn't go and fetch my wife late at night even if she asked. I'd rather pay for a taxi and enjoy my evening / sleep. The other dude may be a bit of a wet lettuce / pussy whipped, doesn't trust his wife to make it home safely as she's an alcoholic, is taking the opportunity to ensure his wife ends up in the right bed that night, etc.

There could be a dozen real reasons other than 'he's just a great husband bloke'.

Don't worry about it and stick to your guns, in charming fashion of course.

builder22 · 23 Nov 2019 at 11:44

Participant said:
The other dude may be a bit of a wet lettuce / pussy whipped, doesn't trust his wife to make it home safely as she's an alcoholic, is taking the opportunity to ensure his wife ends up in the right bed that night, etc.

****** hell lol

Megahurtz400 · 23 Nov 2019 at 11:48

Chelsmford > Colchester at that time would take 25 minutes each way, so call in an hour and 15 max if you include pickup time.

I'd happily do it every now and again, not every weekend.

Please post pics of wife and if she's out in Colchester she can just stay at mine if you prefer?