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Dropping off/collecting loved ones - what's reasonable?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by VincentHanna, Nov 23, 2019.

  1. RxR


    Joined: Aug 16, 2019

    Posts: 501

    The effect of not getting enough sleep the night before is around 40% in cognitive performance drop (thinking ability) the next day.

    If you have work the day after her night out, you will be miserable for longer than she spent getting her jollies. That's an asymmetry of cost and reward you might want to consider. And she should, if she is at all considerate.

    e: That is, the hidden (time + stress) cost *for you* is far greater (16 hours - the whole waking hours of the next day) than just the apparent extra 1 hour it would take to do her the favour of picking her up.
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2019
  2. adolf hamster


    Joined: Oct 18, 2012

    Posts: 7,035

    Depends how regular it is, if it's a one-off then obviously a lot more flexible especially when you know ahead of time.

    If it's every week then they really need to sort something themselves, in the op's case either don't drink, leave early to get the train, or find somewhere closer to go and get a taxi.
  3. RxR


    Joined: Aug 16, 2019

    Posts: 501

    I don't have a significant other at the moment (thankfully) but I do have two 18+ kids.

    The rule in our household is:

    I will not pick you up after 10pm at night. Except if it's an emergency or you are really stuck.

    It works well for us.

    e: part of the meaning of "reasonable" is "moderate in price" and the notion of counting the cost.


    Last edited: Nov 24, 2019
  4. LewisRaz

    Wise Guy

    Joined: May 23, 2016

    Posts: 1,922

    Location: North Essex

    I have the same with my wife twice a year (out in clacton - live in colchester) about the same driving time. My only requests are that I pickup before midnight and we dont go all around essex being a free taxi!
  5. ivrytwr3


    Joined: Aug 25, 2006

    Posts: 3,596

    I wouldn't mind picking her and her mates up every now and again. I used to pick the girlfriend, now Mrs, up all the time. Make sure she got home safely etc.

    But what pee's me off is when i want a very rare night out, if i want her to pick me up the latest is 10pm as she doesn't like driving in the dark!!
  6. Jimmyjam


    Joined: Sep 8, 2019

    Posts: 2

    Every now and then is alright to save £50 on the taxi, but not going out of your way at 2am to drop all of her mates off, if they are on the drive home then fine, as long as favour is returned
  7. HoneyBadger


    Joined: Aug 2, 2016

    Posts: 2,564

    Location: Kent (Soon to be Highlands)

    MrsHB rarely goes out, but asked me to play taxi last night. Picked up her friends and took them to their works Christmas do, drop some ladies off home at the end of the evening.

    Absolutely wasn’t a problem. Likewise when I work late sometimes, she drives into London to collects me to save me walking, tubing and getting the train and finally a taxi. She even gets a McDonald’s on her way so I’ve got something to munch on!

    We love each other and help each other out, really surprised by some of the replies to this thread.
  8. lewism


    Joined: Mar 10, 2006

    Posts: 2,522

    Location: Fife

    How some of you lot have partners with these attitudes blows my mind. Selfish.

    Quite happily sit on your computer till silly hours in the morning playing games or watching youtube but won't get off your backside.
  9. johnny6

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Apr 14, 2006

    Posts: 2,123

    Our conversations normally go like this:

    Person A: don’t forget I’m going out tonight so you’ll need to sort dinner yourself.
    Person B: OK do you need me to pick you up or are you getting a taxi home?
    Person A: we’ll get a taxi OR Can you pick us up?
    Person B: Cool beans call/text when you are on your way home OR text me when you need picking up.

    To be honest time and distance never really comes into it. We are husband and wife after all and on that basis we do things for each other.
  10. Cleisthenes


    Joined: Jul 29, 2013

    Posts: 7,417

    Location: TN1

    Assuming it wasn't every week I wouldn't think twice about it.

    What's an hour of inconvenience for the person you married?
  11. sanaxe1


    Joined: Nov 7, 2006

    Posts: 5,204

    Location: Nottingham

    The simple thing to do is to book a night out with your mates to the same place. Then ask her to drop you off and pick you up like you have for her. If she does it then you should do it too. If she doesn't do it then she should hopefully see the hypocrisy and not ask you again.
  12. Journey


    Joined: Oct 18, 2002

    Posts: 6,790

    Location: West Midlands

    Marries a woman, who you'd hope he loves, then doesn't want to do a bit of driving a vehicle, to help her have a nice time out with friends... says a lot about a person when they are that selfish.

    OP's next thread will be on "what is fair to ask for in a divorce" ;)
  13. Cleisthenes


    Joined: Jul 29, 2013

    Posts: 7,417

    Location: TN1

    Are you in a relationship?

    It's not exactly a healthy mindset to be trying to trip up your partner to make them look hypocritical.

    This thread is bonkers
  14. ScarySquirrel


    Joined: Jan 13, 2004

    Posts: 23,535

    Location: South East

    I would do this without even questioning it. Not because I'm under the thumb or I have trust issues, but because if she asked me and it isn't exactly putting me out why would I not want to help my wife. In reality I wouldn't be able to though as I can't exactly leave our 2 year old in the house alone!
  15. Lopéz

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Oct 17, 2002

    Posts: 27,184

    Location: Leicestershire

    Some er, interesting views in this thread.

    I hope the majority of you are single, it's probably for the best .
  16. VincentHanna


    Joined: Jul 30, 2013

    Posts: 19,636

    It wasn't really the distance, she doesn't drive so I quite regularly take her places.

    It was more the time of night. Getting in at 2 a.m
  17. Flaevius


    Joined: Oct 17, 2017

    Posts: 490

    This is my take on it too.

    Assuming there isn't a necessity to be up at the crack of dawn that morning, taking an hour out to ensure partner can have an enjoyable evening and gets home safely - unquestionable.
  18. Participant


    Joined: May 13, 2003

    Posts: 30,705

    Location: Warwickshire

    Surely offering to pay for a taxi instead is a suitable alternative for the chivalrous lovestruck contingent of OcUK?
  19. Grimley


    Joined: Nov 18, 2007

    Posts: 6,204

    Location: Deepest Darkest Essex!!

    To the OP & others who commute on the A12:

    I drive Up & down that part of the A12 early weekday mornings. Starting tomorrow the Northbound A12 will be shut between 9pm & 6am from Junction 19 to 25 (They are surveying the road with a view to widening part of the A12 From Hatfield Peverel to Marks tey to 3 lanes) for about 3 weeks FYI.
  20. sanaxe1


    Joined: Nov 7, 2006

    Posts: 5,204

    Location: Nottingham

    Yes i am. I would just pick her up. But this is an internet forum and I am here for entertainment and drama.