Friday Joke thread

Spacky

Spacky

Spacky

Permabanned
Joined
4 Jul 2005
Posts
5,813
Location
Cardiff, UK
Starters
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A man came round in hospital after a nasty accident and shouted, "Doctor,
doctor - I can't feel my legs!" "I know," said the doctor, "I had to
amputate both your arms."

Main
----

A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet's because it is cross-eyed. The vet
picks it up in his arms and takes it over to the window for a better look.
"It's no good," he says, "I'll have to put him down."
"Just because he's cross-eyed?" says the shocked owner.
"No," says the vet, "because he's bloody heavy."

Desert
------

Man goes to the doctor's with a strawberry growing out of the top of his
head. Doctor says, "I'll give you some cream for that"
 
Alternative dessert
------------------

A man is driving home from work when he sees a car on the side of the road, on its roof, and flames all around. He stops his car and walks over to the wreck.

Inside is a beautiful woman who's bleeding to death, so he rushes her to the hospital. Six months she lies in the hospital and he is with her everyday and every night.He donated blood regularly to keep her alive.

Eventually, she recovers fully and they get married. Life is good for a few years, until one day she gets fed up and decides to leave him. He only loves money, and she knows she is just a trophy wife.

She comes down the stairs, struggling with her two suitcases, reaching into her pocket for the keys to the Jaguar and says,

"Paul I'm leaving you."

"Oh really, and how are you going to leave? The keys in your hand are for the Jaguar I paid for. It's my car. You are not taking it anywhere."

"Fine," she says, and throws the keys at him.

"And those bulging suitcases? The clothes you are wearing? Everything I paid for. They are my suitcases and my clothes. You're not taking them anywhere."

"Fine," she says, throws the suitcases at him, strips off her clothes and throws them at him, too.

"And the blood in your body? I sat with you for six months in the hospital. You know half the blood is mine. You're not going anywhere."

She quickly pulled out her tampon, threw it in his face and said.....

"I'll pay you back in monthly instalments"
 
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