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friends mum tryin to force her marriage

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by B&W, 23 May 2006.

  1. B&W


    Joined: 3 Oct 2003

    Posts: 7,476

    Location: Birmingham

    hi, a good m8 of mine foned me today she was very upset. basically her mom is trying to get her married to someone and she dont want to get married. shes plannin on bringin some1 over from pakistan (her dead sisters son) and letting him stay in their house then marrying him to her.

    now shes told her mum loadsa times that she just dont want to get married, her mom though wont listen. she thinks she owes her sister something (cus shes dead) and is hellbent on bringin him here (by any way possible).

    her mom cant force her to marry him thats 1 good thing at least.

    she said to her mom that she would leave if she brought him over and her mom said leave then. now in **** culture this will bring alot of shame her, there'll be loadsa stupid rumours about her leaving for some guy and her family wont respect her anymore. and that is gonna hurt her alot.

    now ive been thinkin for ages here and i think she only has a few choices. to either grass this guy up to the social services or to leave home.

    really messed up situation, need some advice plz
  2. shimy182


    Joined: 6 Sep 2005

    Posts: 3,814

    Location: Cambridge

    geez thats harsh!.

    unfortunately i cant help... but keep me updated if you dont mind. im thinking what she can do.

    i guess the only way is to decept her mums feelings like by using guilt trips.

    say that another panda is brutally murdered everytime she brings that conversation up.

    EDIT; Or tell her that she will smash up another furniture evertime she brings it up. that way she wont spread rumors
  3. red11


    Joined: 12 Jun 2005

    Posts: 8,395

    She wants to bring over her nephew to marry her daughter?
  4. Leahfd


    Joined: 14 Feb 2006

    Posts: 150

    She wants her daughter to marry her nephew???

    Or did i read that wrong?
  5. Raikiri


    Joined: 5 Jul 2005

    Posts: 17,845

    Location: Brighton

    Yeah thats pretty bad, almost as bad as spelling mum as mom >< (sorry really annoys me).

    First of all it is illegal in this country...and just wrong.
  6. Sparky__H

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 9 Aug 2004

    Posts: 2,061

    Location: Sea of Dirac

    This is normal practice for Pakistani families.

    From a genetic standpoint it’s practically suicide, lots of reported cases of serious birth defects.
  7. Gavstar

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 20 Oct 2002

    Posts: 2,309

    Location: Suffolk

    afraid not :(

    Marriage of Cousins
    Despite the long list of degrees of forbidden relationship, you can marry a cousin (courtesy of Henry VIII who changed the law to marry his cousin!). However, it would be sensible for you both to consult your GP to ensure that there are no factors in your family's health records that would make your decision to have children inadvisable on medical grounds.

    Maybe try and push the medical thing? Insisting on tests might dissuade her Mum/Cousin.
    Last edited: 23 May 2006
  8. Ricochet J


    Joined: 29 Jun 2004

    Posts: 12,915

    There is some UK forced arranged marriage beaurau that deals with these cases. I forget exactly the link, but a good Google should nail it.
  9. Muban


    Joined: 27 Dec 2002

    Posts: 7,080

    Location: Inverness

  10. Gilly

    Man of Honour

    Joined: 17 Oct 2002

    Posts: 95,523

    Location: I'm back baby!

    If they came back positive she'd not have a leg to stand on :/

    Although, if that were true from birth she'd be home free.

    [edit]That was a bit harsh actually, but the first line I think is true
    Last edited: 23 May 2006
  11. B&W


    Joined: 3 Oct 2003

    Posts: 7,476

    Location: Birmingham

    well ive told her to push the religious side. as from that standpoint no1 can force her to marry some1 against her will.

    but most pakis r more cultural n her mum has a friend who apparently "knows" about religion. (mixes religion with culture) this lady agreed with her mom. still this is 1 thing that she can push again with help of people who mite be able to influence her mom.

    the medical thing sounds interesting, although her mom who is very old fasioned will in all likely hood dismiss and ignore it.

    thx for the link muban, mite help.
  12. Jonny ///M


    Joined: 23 Nov 2004

    Posts: 10,488

    I certainly wouldnt be forced to marry. A swift **** off and move out the house or further away would sort that for sure. Take the fridge with me for all my beer aswell thank you very much. I love it when people force religion on people :rolleyes:
  13. pyro


    Joined: 23 Nov 2002

    Posts: 16,167

    We have our customs and traditions in Greece as well, but nothing that bad, suck for her dude! How old is she? If she has a job I don't see why she can't live in a shared house for some time.

    That's not religion, it's one ****ed up tradition, there's a difference, God didn't come down to earth and told her mom "your daughter must marry your nephew".
    Last edited: 23 May 2006
  14. EVH


    Joined: 11 Mar 2004

    Posts: 28,912

    Location: Wales

    That's a shame mate...that would force me to leave! :mad:
  15. Gavstar

    Wise Guy

    Joined: 20 Oct 2002

    Posts: 2,309

    Location: Suffolk

    Yes, would be a bit of a gamble. This isn't really my specialist subject :D
  16. B&W


    Joined: 3 Oct 2003

    Posts: 7,476

    Location: Birmingham

    shes 21 and has a job. she is strong and will be able to support herself if she moves out, this is not the problem though.

    if she moves out alot of her family would look down on her, make up crap about her. it will hurt her alot.
  17. pyro


    Joined: 23 Nov 2002

    Posts: 16,167

    I understand what you mean, so I would suggest that she looks into going to another city. Unfortunately when you are brought up in a certain way, you can't change, the old woman and her mother are obviously in that category, but that doesn't mean she can't be more open minded about the way things are done.

    Best thing would be to try and convince the mother, but I don't see this happening.
  18. squiffy


    Joined: 17 Mar 2006

    Posts: 9,055

    I would suggest she moves out and never contacts her family again, changes her name and starts a new life. Harsh but better than being forced into a marriage, or suffer the consequences from family members if she refuses (some horrible news footage with this sort of thing)
  19. Stretch


    Joined: 14 Feb 2004

    Posts: 13,526

    Location: Peoples Republic of Histonia, Cambridge

    You can't force a person to marry someone against their will. A simple no during the marriage ceremony should do the trick.

    Unfortunately these situations aren't as simple as that. Essentially she's being emotionally blackmailed into choosing between her family or her freedom. I know which one I'd choose but some people are brought up in a way that makes this choice impossible.

    There are no easy answers, she's going to have to make a very difficult decision one way or the other.

    EDIT: If I was her I'd try leaving and hope her mother(and family) come to their senses.
    Last edited: 23 May 2006
  20. jamoor


    Joined: 22 Jun 2005

    Posts: 8,824

    Location: Nottinghamshire

    Changing her name and never contacting them again seems a tad extreme to me...